u/lostmoments_

So I decided to give my ex another chance two months ago. He apologized for his wrongdoings and I did mine for mine as well. What happened was that we were dating for 8 months, then one day I woke up with him blocking and ghosting me. He was sending me caring texts the day before and it’s like a flip switched. It was on everything and I ended up having a panic attack cause it felt so random and out of left field. He has bpd, schizoaffective, anxious traits. He also has anger issues and he tried punching a door to release anger and told me about it.

I emailed him and told him that he was a manipulative coward and that’s stuck with him ever since. He ended up leaving for 6 months and then came back into my life. He has built hidden resentment against me even though I apologized for what I said too and took ownership of my actions. Recently he freaked out on me and said all the stuff I’ve done wrong in the past and how he’s done and how he has never truly healed. Keep in mind he was the one who sought me out again. I told him that he hurt me just as bad emotionally and he never took accountability for it. He said ghosting was because of his anxiety and I can’t hold that against him. I still believe that the ghosting is a form of toxicity and I struggle with anxiety too so it felt very much like blame shifting.

I had to block this time for my peace but I pretty much drew the line in the sand that there’s no coming back from this. I was exhausted with the relationship so him saying he was done didn’t bother me. He also tried to act like I was upset at him for being done. No, it was everything else. Keep in mind everything was good before this outburst, I was helping him and providing emotional support. I was more bothered that there was a bunch of gaslighting, blame shifting, downplaying his actions, getting angry at me. Like I even acknowledged when he came back that we both made mistakes. He seems to think I’m the only one who made missteps here. I’m at the point where explaining my perspective felt pointless and I had to let it go.

I actually met him from Reddit and we were close Internet friends for a while. He had the most caring personality and loved Star Wars, playing D&D, loved trying new foods and cooking was one of his passions. He loved experimenting with recipes and trying new things. He sadly took his life a few years ago. We fell out of communication before and he came across my mind two years ago, went to search him up and saw the obituary. Shed many tears because I wish I could’ve been there for him before he passed. I’ll never forget you my old friend.

TW: Suicide. Gonna change some details to protect myself. But most of it will be consistent with the story of what I’m going through. Anyways, I have bpd and I also have epilepsy which has been diagnosed as severe if I don’t take my medication consistently and affects me every step of the way. I’ve been diagnosed with the epilepsy for 3 years now, have had bpd for 13 years.

I also come from a very abusive living situation. I have so much trauma and baggage that I’ve been unable to address all my life and have found ways to compartmentalize it. Anyways, I had this good friend borrow $400 from me a few months ago. I’ve been asking for updates a lot on the situation because I am broke and need to be able to pay my ambulance bill from my recent seizure episode in February. I have no job, my family barely makes any money so I can’t ask them. I’ve been searching for almost a year for a job and nothing. I’ve tried temp agencies, employment agencies, job fairs, everything.

Me and this friend have been arguing these past few months because she is consistently unable to pay me back and I feel like my kindness is being taken for granted. I’m also this close to having my ambulance bill go into collections so I need some money to pay for this until I find work. Anyways this friend goes ghost for almost 2 weeks after saying she sent me a partial payment when she never did. I end up rage spamming her multiple times because she knows how hard my living situation is and how my stress could trigger a seizure. Then she just continues to stay quiet. So I contacted a mutual friend and asked her to pass a message along. Friend contacts me and sends me a threatening message saying how could I fucking do this? And then SCREAMS at me saying how I am evil, worthless and should never talk to her again for reaching out to her friend despite her multiple attempts of ignoring me. I also don’t think I would’ve reacted the way I did if she didn’t lie and ignore me for weeks on end.

Then I send her friend the screenshot of what she said to me. Cause she was being aggressive to me too. Then I continue to spam her from unknown numbers and now she’s threatening to put legal action on me. I just got the text now that if I say anything else to her or close friends that she will do it. I know I’m in the wrong here but I did also try multiple times to calmly get her attention and it went ignored so many times. This feels like a way of silencing me and trying to take the power back. I’m obviously gonna stop doing what I’m doing but now I feel like an awful human being. I’ve been struggling with suicidal thoughts as it is and this proves I am not a good human being. Everyday I get reminders from of the universe as to why I shouldn’t be here anymore.

This friend knows about my epilepsy, my panic attacks, my lack of money. I even struggle to pay for medication for my epilepsy and have no insurance. I don’t know why I’m treated like garbage everywhere I go but I’m at my wit’s end. I know I’m partially at fault and I know this friendship is done for good. I’m not gonna reach out anymore, whether I get the money or not. Crazy thing is I lent her this money in the first because her dog was seriously sick and I didn’t wanna see her dog die. There’s a bridge in this city that I am thinking of jumping from. I wasn’t meant for this world, I hate being the way I am. I’m over the way I’m treated like this in general by people.

Gonna change some details to protect myself. But most of it will be consistent with the story of what I’m going through. Anyways, I have bpd and I also have a serious neurological illness which has put me in the hospital multiple times and affects me every step of the way. I’ve been diagnosed with the neuro illness for 3 years now, have had bpd for 13 years.

I also come from a very abusive living situation. I have so much trauma and baggage that I’ve been unable to address all my life and have found ways to compartmentalize it. Anyways, I had this good friend borrow $400 from me a few months ago. I’ve been asking for updates a lot on the situation because I am broke and need to be able to pay my ambulance bill from my recent seizure episode in February. I have no job, my family barely makes any money so I can’t ask them. I’ve been searching for almost a year for a job and nothing.

Me and this friend have been arguing these past few months because she is consistently unable to pay me back and I feel like my kindness is being taken for granted. I’m also this close to having my ambulance bill go into collections so I need some money to pay for this until I find work. Anyways this friend goes ghost for almost 2 weeks after saying she sent me a partial payment when she never did. I end up rage spamming her multiple times because she knows how hard my living situation is and how my stress could trigger a seizure. Then she just continues to stay quiet. So I contacted a mutual friend and asked her to pass a message along. Friend contacts me and sends me a threatening message saying how could I fucking do this? And then SCREAMS at me saying how I’m a bitch and I’m evil.

Then I send her friend the screenshot of what she said to me. Cause she was being aggressive to me too. Then I continue to spam her from unknown numbers and now she’s threatening to put legal action on me. I just got the text now that if I say anything else to her or close friends that she will do it. I know I’m in the wrong here but I did also try multiple times to calmly get her attention and it went ignored so many times. This feels like a way of silencing me and trying to take the power back. I’m obviously gonna stop doing what I’m doing but now I feel like an awful human being. I’ve been struggling with suicidal thoughts as it is and this proves I am not a good human being. Everyday I get reminders from of the universe as to why I shouldn’t be here anymore.

This friend knows about my neuro illness, my panic attacks, my lack of money. I even struggle to pay for medication for my neurological condition and have no insurance. I don’t know why I’m treated like garbage everywhere I go but I’m at my wit’s end. I know I’m partially at fault and I know this friendship is done for good. Crazy thing is I lent her this money in the first because her dog was seriously sick and I didn’t wanna see her dog die. There’s a bridge in this city that I am thinking of jumping from. I wasn’t meant for this world, I hate being the way I am. I’m over the way I’m treated like this in general by people.

I had a friend who owed me money for 7 months. Whenever I would talk to her about it, there was always a reason as to why she couldn’t pay me back for now. She’s been going through a lot, an eviction is on her record now. Anyways the situation dragged on for months because communication became terrible. The issue wasn’t even just the money anymore, it was the fact that she kept making promises and not following through. At one point she said she would send a partial payment by a certain date, but nothing ever came through and she never updated me or explained what was happening.

After being ignored repeatedly, I got frustrated and contacted someone she knew as a friend, the other person was a job referral for me that didn’t work out. Because I honestly didn’t know how else to get a response from her. I asked this referral if they could get in touch with her because she’s been avoiding me. That finally got her attention, but she reacted really badly. She sent me a long angry message saying I crossed a line by involving someone else, then started bringing up personal struggles and saying I should have just waited longer. However she wasn’t making any real effort to communicate with me and told me the money was deposited into my account on May 3rd but I got nothing? So it was a lie and she hadn’t responded since then

What bothered me most was that she also started acting like she had influence over my future career opportunities and made comments implying I’d regret upsetting her professionally. We are both in healthcare and she was like “good luck working at this hospital without my reference now and I never want to talk to you again” It came across as a weird power trip to me. I told her that one person doesn’t control an entire field, there’s plenty of other jobs and references and that I didn’t want to continue the friendship after all the dishonesty and avoidance. She also got a place recently but keeps bringing up the homelessness to use against me.

Can be a blend of two characters too.