u/lucky_inhell

In the bathroom as I’m writing this, I need to get this out (pun not intended) because I’m irritated and in so much pain right now.

I was diagnosed with IBS in 2023. My main problem is diarrhea and the excruciating pain and nausea that comes with it and end up being in the bathroom for hours, sometimes up to like 4 hours (how much poop can a person even have?!). But sometimes, I also go days without pooping. I get bloated then but not any big issues with pain. Nausea maybe but I’m always nauseous.
I have been referred to a cardiologist by my doctor because of suspected POTS so that might have something to do with it too. I’m just so lucky.

Nothing works for me when it comes to food. Seems like everything is a trigger. I’ve considered white rice a safe food because it’s something that majority of the time doesn’t cause a flair up. But then one day it decides that no not anymore. “Hah, you thought it was going to ease your anxiety around food, well I got bored so let’s have some fun. Sincerily, your favorite white rice in your cupboard” well okay then fuck you rice.
Same with pasta. I know it contains gluten which can be a trigger but it’s still, majority of the time, safe for me. I will however be cutting out gluten now. I already don’t eat anything with lactose in it.

I’ve had to take a few breaks while writing this because of the waves of nausea. Flare ups also cause anxiety which triggers more nausea and more stomach pain and issues. I also have anxiety because I still live at home and I’m still trying to get this mindset out that it’s embarrassing. I know it’s not embarrassing but it feels like it and I am currently working on it.

Thank you for coming to my Ted talk.

I’m 23, I’m late diagnosed, got diagnosed 2 months before turning 18, I have high masking autism and severe ADD. I know I’m young but I feel like I’m in some kind of life crisis.

I haven’t finished high school. I am taking independent courses to get my points up so I will hopefully be done in 2028 if everything goes to plan. After that I want to go to university and study global studies, and during the second or third year of the program I want to do, I’ll have the ability to do an exchange year. I’m looking forward to university so so much.
I feel so behind though. My 18 year old sister graduated high school 2 weeks ago and she has a job now. My 20 year old sister will graduate high school next year. Them both have boyfriends and friends they hang out with. Both of them have struggled a lot throughout life but they managed to do all of these things and they worked so hard.

What am I doing all day? Well, this last term I had to quit the courses in school because I was burnt out. I spend my days in my bed playing video games, doom scrolling and essentially ruining my self esteem, playing guitar or watching YouTube. All my friends are online, I have one friend irl but I don’t have the energy to meet up with her. I’ve never had a job either. I feel like I’m just rotting and slowly dying.

I’ve been thinking about my future, and I want to do all these things. I want to travel because I love culture and history, I want to work within the field of human rights, I want to eventually find a partner and maybe have kids.
But all of this feels like a dream rather than a possibility far in the future.

I can barely go to the store alone right now because of the bright lights, the people and the sounds. I’ve struggled with anxiety, agoraphobia, depression and panic attacks since I was 7 years old. And I feel like I’m just regressing.

How am I going to be able to go to university or get a job or travel when I’m like this? I have good periods, but it always turns bad again.

I’ve never had a partner. I want love but at the same time, maybe I just like the concept of love and being cared for in that way rather than actually wanting love. If I ever do find a partner, what scares me is living together with someone else and the need to be social majority of the day. I need my space and I’m most comfortable when I’m alone. If my hypothetical future partner is neurotypical, will they get tired of me because of the needs I have because I’m neurodivergent?
I’m uncomfortable living at home right now, I’m uncomfortable around my own family so how could I possibly be comfortable living with another person in the future?
But maybe I’m also scared of it because having a good partner would bring me happiness and happiness scares the living shit out of me because I don’t remember what it feels like to be happy. I’m confused and mad at myself.

I’ve wanted to be a mother since I was a kid but now I’m doubting it. I still want to have kids but I’m not sure I trust myself in staying in a stable mental state for my hypothetical future kids. And I don’t know if I’ll be able to manage my needs as a neurodivergent person in a way that I can still be present for my kids when they need me. So I guess I’m also kind of mourning the fact that kids might not be something in my future.

(Just to be clear, I am absolutely NOT saying that neurodivergent people shouldn’t have kids, absolutely not. I’m just talking about myself and my own needs and how I work personally. Every neurodivergent person is different in their own way.)

I guess I’m just scared for the future because I don’t see myself in it in the way I want to. All I know is isolation. And I think I’m using my disabilities to kind of excuse it. I am working on it though, I guess being aware of it is the first step. I know that even though I struggle with sensory inputs, I can still find ways to manage it. I just need to believe that I can take the steps to find those ways.

Basically what the title said. I ran out of my anxiety medication yesterday. I sent a request to renew the prescription this Tuesday but it takes up to 5 days to get it renewed and today is a holiday because of the international workers day and they don’t usually renew prescriptions on single day holidays for some reason. I’m pretty dependent on my anxiety meds (I know that’s not too good) so now being without them causes immense anxiety.

This is not specifically about my meds it’s just how to deal with that added anxiety.
I’m having anxiety unrelated to my meds but the anxiety of not having my meds is added and I have no idea how to deal with that. I have the strategies I’ve gotten from therapists throughout the years but this feels like a whole other kind of anxiety to deal with. My meds are kind of like a safety blanket I guess and now I don’t have it.

This did probably become more text than necessary. Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with the added anxiety of not having your meds?