u/martinisawe

So idk if y'all ENFPs relate but ever since 2023 I've been working on my job which is a vocational program for people with disabilities where there's a lot of people to talk to after being isolated from covid it was like a buffet of varieties of people to talk to and I could express my social butterfly. Well I had a group of 3 people where we were like peas on a pod. Unfortunately one of my friend backstabbed me not once but twice and I went down a spiraling of being afraid of being lonely and grief. That's when the insecurities or my "whole" crazy self I previously tried to reserve came out fully, it was like I didn't care who I'm cool with or not I was being my full crazy self. For awhile I liked being that crazy high energy guy but eventually as of recent it feels like a chore and I noticed that I don't have alot of support from those I care about and I slowly noticed how out of place I felt where I feel very lonely. Like I regret being highly energetic instead of being "mature". But also on another instance when I feel lonely I want to make meaningful relationships but also when I have meaningful relationships I feel "too cool" to have more people to talk to. Like if I don't have anybody to talk to I become genuine but when I do have someone to talk to I become shallow. Idk if that makes sense and also how do I deal with this