I live despite, everything. There is no cure, there is no solution, I am permanenlty broken.
and no, these feelings wont pass, they are reoccuring on a daily, hourly basis, no reprieve.
Spare me the platitudes, I've heard enough.
I simply hate this goddam "school"
Just got a response from the FA office, they said it's going to take another 1-2 weeks to complete the award letter, which means at least another week to actually get it. Jesus.
If y'all are anything like me, then You ignored all the bright neon-lit signs saying "toxic" "abusive" "manipulative" "liar", and instead retold yourself the fairtytales they repeated over and over without any action or substance to back them up.
Towards the end I was galighting myself more than she was actually manipulating me or lying. Yes, she still *did* lie, but they were so low-effort and clearly untrue, and yet I still told myself the same bs every day/night.
I even did this for two or so years post-discard. granted she made multiple attempts to hoover, but I knew it was all empty bs, and yet I would routinely manipulate myself on her behalf into thinking she'd come back, healed, ready for Love. All of that couldn't be further from the truth.
If any of this resonates with you, and you still have a hard time separating yourself form them, even if you're brokem up and nc, you very well may still be gaslighting yourself about what happened and who that person really is. Enough is enough. Start telling yourself the truth, and watch as your desire to have them back fades away.
Pretty much just the title. I have a ptsd diagnosis (informal cPTSD because it's not in the DSM) and I believe I am also on the Autism Spectrum, though an official diagnosis has not occured yet.
Anyway, I've been on 20mg lexapro for a number of years now, minimal positive affects. A year ago the psychiatrist at my university put me on buspar as a supplement to my lexapro, unfortunately I have nothing but severe adverse affects: intense bouts of anger, homicidal ideation, suicidal ideation, psychosis, panick attacks, insomnia, etc. I even developed this strange phenomenon where when I get hunger-induced nausea, it triggers a sneezing attack, which only started on the buspar, and still persists today.
Why the hell would i have such negative reactions? From what I've read, i experinced damn-near every possible adverse reaction, so why me? what about my perosnal physiology and brain construction causes this? I've read some professionals speculate having ptsd or a personality disorder can cause negative reactions like mine to buspar, is that true?
It absolutely blows my mind that still, today, leftists will downplay and dismiss misandry as not having any real negative effects on men in any way. This stance is taken despite the acknwledgement by *some* that there is a misandry problem on the Left.
What is truly mindboggling is to assert that misandry does not and never has had a negative affect on men, even though this misandry not only literally caused the rightword shift of genz men, but also attributes to the widespread degree of mental illness among men.
How can one earnestly, in good-faith, claim that men cannot possibly be affected by opening social media to be met with a bombardment of hateful bigoted rhetoric purely because of the flesh between our legs? But it doesnt stop there, misandry has bled into society to such a pervasive degree, men are treated as dangerous monsters as a default, and we have to work tirelessly to prove our innocence, but even then, since we are constantly at risk of being on the chopping block, one small mistep and you risk being labeled evil.
The way the Left treats men is abusive. As leftist men, we are in an abusive relationship with the Left where we are forced to walk on eggshells at all times, while constantly being under scrutiny to prove our worth and value, and any minor infracture is tantamount to the absolute fall of yourself. I truly believe liberal and online feminism has turned an entire generation of women into narcissistic sociopaths.
Single 29m, no friends in the area. I'm looking for places to socialize in or near Irvine, meet new people, and possibly single women around my age. This is in an effort to take-on my social anxiety/reduce my tendency to isolate.
I already know about the meetup stuff, the singles events, yada yada.. I'm not interested in those because I've heard too many times that it's mostly dudes looking for a gf, feels like I wouldn't enjoy that setting.
thanks
anyone else dealing with this too? I have a disenrollment hold placed, for now, but zero update on what my FA award is.
It doesn't get rid of the pain, the loathing, the emptiness, but it does help me feel less alone, and that's a lot. Thank you.
I (29m) have tried so much therapy, different modalities, I'm on the maximum dose of Lexapro, I've journaled, I've basically tried it all. Nothing works. I cannot imagine myself living a happy life, I just can't. I do go through periods where I am happier, but it never lasts more than a few weeks. Inevitably, I return right to where I am now. Begging for this misery to be over.
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I have a cptsd diagnosis from a therapist. I have extensive childhood trauma, to the point that I don't have any memory of my childhood, just snapshots here and there.
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On top of all this, I dated a woman diagnosed with bpd few years ago, I know not all bpd people are the same, I even seem to have traits myself, but this woman was the bpd stereotype. She absolutely destroyed me. It's been 3.5 years since we broke up and I'm still completely consumed by her and what she did.
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I feel like I will never be able to move past this point. So, what the fuck am I supposed to do? I whiplash between wanting her back, and wanting to burn her house down. Weed is genuinely the only thing that can help, but even then it's only sometimes. I feel like my brain is permanently broken, like the only relief I'll ever experience is in death.
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I don't want to feel anymore.
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And please don't mention anything about my inner child, I've tried that, nothing, I hate that shit.
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I don't think it's possible to heal in such a grotesque society, so do I just ride it out? No thanks, that sounds awful. I believe I've only gotten worse with time.