u/miistic-miinx

Okay so I feel like this situation is bizarre and I want your opinion. I don't know these people and I'm just going by what information I have gathered, so I really don't have all the details unfortunately. I just find it so weird and really want to know if you agree with me or have your own view 💁‍♀️✨️

The couple is currently engaged. They have been together for about 5-6ish years, give or take. Engaged for 2 of those years. The guy has 2 kids I believe, 6 and 8? Which is odd, maybe an affair? She has 3 kids.18,10 and 9. She was with the second baby daddy for about 6 years but never married. The oldest was from a different relationship and I have no idea how long they were together. I am led to believe she got pregnant with the two oldest in unplanned situations. The guy, no idea how long he was with his ex and if the kids were planned. And I have no clue about the mother and her situation currently.

They are both in their late 30's or early 40's and live 2 hours away from each other. The mother lives near her ex who is married and has a child with his new wife. The baby is under a year old. They got engaged after she did. I assume her fiance's ex lives near him and I think he lives with his brother. He works in construction and she works in childcare. She has a day home and her son mostly lives with his dad. The 18 year old moved out and I think goes to college. Both her kids do sports and their dad helps out a lot with training and taking them to sport. Not sure what the dad does but his son goes to the school really close to him.

Now both these people are pretty toxic. She is not very affectionate or empathic. She has a bad relationship with her ex and they really don't get along. And her fiance has anger issues. They seem to get along. Probably because they live 2 hours from each other and really only see each other some weekends or sometimes during the week, but not often. They have probably never had major fights since they don't spend longer than a weekend together. They have never been married prior.

Personally, I have been engaged befoe and it lasted 4 years before I knew we weren't going to get married. I think if you are engaged for longer than 2 years max, it just ain't gunna happen. Why delay marriage? If wedding plans are stressful, why not elope? I am married and I was only engaged for a short time because we knew we wanted to be married. There is usually a reason to delay and it has nothing to do with the wedding plans. It's most likely a relationship issue.

I just don't see how they can work out who moves. They both have shared custody with their ex's. 2 hours is a lot of travel for the kids and the parent. Plus they would have to start new schools and make new friends... it just seems so messy. I don't understand how people with children are fine with dating people in situations like this. Whichever person moves, I feel like the children of the other parent will resent them for complicating their life and making them start from scratch. Plus they will be further from their other parent which means they will always have to wait hours to be picked up and driven to their other home which will put extra stain on everything.

So what's your thoughts??? Is love enough to make it work? Or is it doomed??

My husband recently went on a mini trip with his kids for baseball. My sd is almost 11 btw. They stopped to get food, his kids were sitting and eating on the curb. My sd uh, had her legs like a boy.. she had shorts that were kind of short and my husband noticed some creepy dudes were looking at her. My husband was mortified but didn't know how to tell her to "close her legs" and not sound weird. He called her over like he wanted to tell her something, but he didn't say anything cause he thought it would sound better coming from me and not her dad. He told me it really made him feel uncomfortable and wants me to have a chat with her next time I see her.

I want to say the right thing, she is such a great kid and we have had talks before about normal stuff. But this is definitely more personal. Should I just be blunt? Or should I give my own experiences as a way to know I have her back? I definitely want her to feel supported and maybe that she can feel comfortable telling me things in the future. Thanks ✨️

Firstly, I have a 9 month old and I am struggling a lot some days with my mood swings. I sometimes feel overwhelmed and I act out emotionally. I have gotten better and my husband supports me as much as he can, but this is something that will get better with time. I am doing my best to have some self care to feel a bit less stressed. I take baths, do skincare, drink a tea out in the sun, watch some comfort shows or movies.. and I feel like that does help to relax me.

For an example of the kids acting feral, I put Aladdin on the other day. Me and my husband were watching. He told the kids to watch, 9m and 10f, but they weren't interested. The 10 yr old watched a little but they were playing a game on their ipads. (Dw i hate ipads too) My ss did something to make my sd either pretend or really put toilet water on her brother. Sorry I have no context. He was between anger and crying while he reacted to what she told him she put on him. She came downstairs and went out the back door to hide. Meanwhile my husband was out the front smoking and it seems that it always gets timed like this. I usually get him to deal with these things, but he is usually outside 😵‍💫

My ss comes downstairs and finally finds that she is out the back. She tries to hold the door closed and he keeps opening it. So the door is slamming and I am simply trying to watch a fun movie with my baby having his bottle. I couldn't wait any longer for my husband, I exploded. I yelled and told them I'm trying to watch a movie while they are slamming the door. My ss always trys to shift the blame and prove he is a victim. I told them to both go upstairs into their rooms. They always act up nearing bedtime and it always consists of my sd doing something mean and my ss yelling and doing something back. My ss lives with us and he is definitely more drama than his sister but together they can be very annoying and things can turn ugly super fast.

I never yell but this time, I just lost it. I spent the day trying to be calm and trying to not let anything or anyone bother me. My ss was rude to me when I asked to clean his room. My husband had to tell him to stop and that he didn't like how he treated me. I went in my room and cried to myself btw. Then my ss complained a lot because I asked him to wash 3 plates while I was getting dinner sorted. Later, I had to ask him 4 or 5 times, and my husband did too, to turn down his ipad cause I started watching a movie. He was being so rude and inconsiderate most of the day.

I am wondering if I should just leave the room or focus on my baby and ignore them? It's not worth it for me to be affected by these situations. I'd rather not be involved since I can't cope.

And secondly, mess. I like to keep the house tidy and safe for baby. I try to keep the floors clean because baby is always crawling and since my husband pays all the bills and drives us everywhere, my job is the housework. And I really have no issue with that. But I have developed some type of problem because I clean almost all day or I think about it all day.

I love a clean kitchen and it's important that we always have dishes and things ready for meals. I use the dishwasher so thats not a huge issue. But my step kids and husband just leave wrappers and clothing everywhere. And the thing is, I grew up where this happened! So why is it bothering me so much???? I realise that you can't have a perfect house all the time, especially with kids. But I just get so bothered. Am I overreacting? I just feel like if the house looks bad, it's a reflection on me. But no one else in the house cares about mess.

Do you clean up after your kids or get them to do it? Is it better if I just tidy up for myself or will that make everyone lazier and form bad habits? I really don't know what to do 😵‍💫 I just want a happy, clean home 😭😭