u/milka-d-mousse

I have mostly face dysmorphia and make up somehow makes it worse. I feel like I look uglier, no matter what style I try to use. I think I'm obsessed with "naturally" pretty faces, I want to look good without doing anything. I still use makeup but it makes me uncomfortable, I know I probably look better but I feel like somehow it makes my flaws stand out even more.

Skin care is super hard because I feel like it doesn't do absolutely anything for me.

What about you?

English is not my native language, I hope this makes sense.

Do you see differently when you're manic? Brighter lights, more saturated colors or anything similar? Do you feel a change when you're depressed?

Here to vent. Some months ago someone left a pile of clothes in the street close to my house, most of it in really good state. I got some pants my size, brand new and I found a vintage jean jacket, it's really good but the sleeves were torn so I washed and cleaned it and got them replaced. I also replaced the buttons. My partner loved it and wore it to a family dinner, but when he showed it to his mom she gave a really nasty look and said she didn't like it, she seemed annoyed by it. It hurt me a bit but I tried to ignore it. Weeks later my partner says he was hurt too.

It makes me angry because I know I did the right thing at restoring it. Most of my clothes are thrifted and repaired. I know I have a good sense of style because people compliment me often. So I'm mad that I got sad over a comment from someone who has no style. I think it would be awful to leave the jacket in the trash when it can be used and will probably last decades because it's good quality. I just hate being judged when I get useful things that people throw away (I know my neighbors don't like it, but it's not my fault that they throw away furniture!)

We've been living together for over a year (8th year of the relationship) and he finally sees what my depression looks like. What I do is try to put into words what I'm going through so he won't be scared or feel bad about it. Something like "I might spend more time in bed" and "maybe I look angry or sad but it's not your fault" or "I won't feel like having sex but it's not because of you". I also remind him that I'm doing my best, taking my meds and eating, doing therapy.

But it seems like it still affects him, he gets sad when he sees I'm sad and acts cold towards me. It makes me spiral because I start thinking he will break up with me, which is what my ex did (he left after 7 years when I was at my worst depressive episode). Sometimes he speaks to me with a cold tone that feels like he is judging me. He has apologized for this, but continues to do it.

I'm disabled (depression + fibromyalgia ) and I know people who take care of disabled partners tend to resent them. I've read that women tend to stay with their partner, but men tend to break up and don't want to be caretakers.

Is there something else I should do? I feel so guilty. Our relationship would be great if it wasn't for my depression and I feel like it's all my fault.

So some time ago I had connection issues and it sent me to low priority queue for 5 minutes during 5 games. I did that and continue to play normally for some time (I think it was at least a couple of weeks). I never afk so this is something Im experiencing for the first time.

Yesterday I disconnected once, again it was a wifi issue that should be solved now. Problem is, I was sent to low priority queue again, this time for 10 minutes for 5 games.

I understand if it keeps happening it can increase up to 20 minutes.

The question is: does the timer ever go down to 5 minutes? or it just keeps increasing, even if I don't afk for months?

(not sure if flair is correct)