u/mirsinoua_gate1

Alright so I went to a party like two days ago and I got a bit too drunk. The thing is, even if it's hazy, I still remember what happened. There were like 15 people there. So, it started off lightly, at some point we went out of the house for a walk. That's when it started hitting me, I was walking like an actual lunatic, and I mean it, I couldn't walk straight. At some point a girl helped me back to the house where everyone returned to. And that's when things took a wild turn. I started crying, sobbing and screaming, saying that I should be perfect, I hate my chest, genuielly things that I've never said before and never intended to say. But this isn't even the worst thing. I even admitted that I slap myself every day and that I think I deserve it, that I should just kill myself etc. I was in a room with two other guys, one guy was trying to cheer me up, the other guy was comforting me. I kept apologizing to the hosts and telling them that I'm not like that and that I really wanted their party to be perfect. I even said that "I slap myself because I can't cut myself". I even raised my shirt at some point because someone asked what my problem is (if I remember correctly) I almost knew no one in that party and even people I didn't know texted me the next day asking if I was fine. Even a girl who was sleeping it off told me that she could actually hear my screams. I'm so fucking ashamed of myself, like, I wish the earth would just open and swallow me, I'm not even joking. It's been two days and I just can't take this whole thing off my mind, I see the host and the guy who was helping me almost everyday and I just don't know how to face them tomorrow. I never intended to reveal such things and nothing like that has ever happened to me before. I don't deserve their care or concern. They should've just locked me in a room until I stopped behaving like that.

I searched it up on google because it was no longer showing up in the roblox page for me. I clicked on the game from google and it showed me the game in roblox. Apparently, paint an album is now placed in the 16+ section, so if you are under 16, you cannot have access to it.

I don't want to sound ungrateful. It looks like my parents are willing to change my name. That, I am happy about. But what I have to go through, it greatly exhausts me. My dad hasn't called me with any name for seven months. Seven whole months. And when I tell him the slightest thing, just a tiny social correction, which, to be noted, is said privately so I won't embarass him, he then goes to my mom and twists my words. Am I the child or he? Take example from today, someone thought I was a boy and he said "and what about the little one?" In my language, little one is gendered with a different suffix. He used the male suffix. My dad correct him with the female suffix. In my language, I don't mind when people use any pronouns because the suffixes for nonbinary people are kind of chaotic, some words don't even have nonbinary suffixes. Afterwards, when we got to the car, I just told my dad "you don't have to correct the pronouns. I don't mind if they're he/she/they". Plus, if he wanted to correct the man he could have just used the they/them suffix, which exists for that word. But no. Guess what he told my mom later. My mom came to me and told me "your dad said that someone asked if you're a boy or a girl..." I cut her off because that was not the first time my words were not mine. If it was the first time, might had as well heard her out. I told her what actually happened and she told me to be patient with dad. It's been seven months and I heard him make an effort only once. Once. I am very patient. But the way he portrays me when something happens, I always end up looking dramatic and hysterical. Whenever I make a gentle correction he goes to my mom and portrays me as someone I don't even know. And my mom doesn't let me cross a word, I hardly finish a sentence and she tells me something like "it doesn't matter". I have never raised my voice. I disengaged a few months ago for some time because I had no energy to answer to their usual twisting of words. I haven't snapped. I hardly correct him. And when I do he portrays me as hysterical. I am so, so, tired. I can give another example. Back when I first came out, I was so exhausted with the deadnaming that I was debating whether to disengage or not. I decided to give my dad a last chance and told him "if you keep deadnaming me, I'll start being silent". I left because I did not want to start a fight. He called out to me with my deadname repeatedly. Zero sense. And what he told my mom later? That I will never talk to him again if he ever does a mistake again. Excuse me?! The only thing I asked was for him to try, yes, I said that too in the conversation and he told me "I won't call you that in public just because you decided to change your name." And of course, I am the one who said "I won't talk to you ever again if you make another mistake." Putting words in my mouth I never said! And those two times weren't the only ones. I have doubted that it's wrong translation of my words for long. Every time, the twisting of my words gets worse. And it happens every time I tell him something he doesn't agree with. He runs to my mom, and my mom believes him. On top of everything, I always try not to embarass him. And he? When we're out together, he always finds something cocky to tell people about me, acting disappointed. I'm tired. He acts like a child throwing careless words I constantly have to dodge. I don't know what to do anymore.

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For context I believe it won't be that hard to convince my mom. As for my dad, he refuses to call me with any name at all. But, where I lay my trust in, is that my dad does not want me to get bullied whatever it takes. I'm going to a new school, and changing my name would be very helpful and reduce dysphoria significantly. I have already encountered one of the teachers and while there was no legal need to tell her my deadname, she pressed on telling me "this can't be your real name, tell me your real name" but she was too pushy. Then she went around telling everyone my deadname. I can only imagine what will happen with students. That's why I need to change my name, not only for my image but also for my happiness too. But it has always felt like I am not allowed to ask anything in this house. Yet I really want to ask them, and I don't know how. Tips about how approach my parents? I would greatly appreciate your help.