u/missunlucky88

My parents ar keeping me in the dark about my father’s pancreatitis but from what I remember he had a very bad attack 8-9 months ago and now he has to take enzymes before and during eating.

I’m not sure if he has chronic or acute pancreatitis but all I was told was that his pancreas were inflamed.

He’s now visiting me and is drinking a big glass of wine every evening and getting angry and throwing a huge fit when I forbid him to.

My Indian parents are visiting me and my husband in Europe for the first time, and we’re really struggling. I’m genuinely trying to figure out whether we’re being too critical or whether our expectations are reasonable.

For context, my husband and I have mostly lived alone. My in-laws usually visit for only a few days at a time, and they often stay in a hotel, so we’ve never had anyone stay with us for an extended period. We recently bought a house, and my parents are the first guests.

Originally, I asked them to stay for two weeks because my parents have always had a lot of household help in India and I thought it would be an adjustment to live independently here. They pushed back and said I was being unfair because many of their friends stay with their children abroad for months. I eventually gave in, and they booked a stay of about six weeks.

The biggest issue has been daily living habits and household expectations.

Because it gets light very early here, they wake up around 5 a.m., talk loudly, watch videos, and make phone calls to family in India. Even after asking them to keep the noise down until around 7 a.m., we’re regularly being woken up much earlier than we’d like. My husband is exhausted and has even considered taking time off work because neither of us is sleeping properly.

We’re also struggling with very different standards around tidiness and chores. My mother doesn’t like using the dishwasher and prefers washing dishes by hand, but many dishes end up needing to be rewashed. Food scraps are often left around the sink, groceries are left out because it’s “cold enough,” vegetables get placed directly on the floor, and items are left scattered around the house. We frequently spend an hour or more every evening cleaning up after everyone before we can go to bed. It’s the same situation in their room where they left their belongings and clothes lying on floor even though there is a chest of drawers for it.

Another issue is that my parents seem to expect a level of assistance from me when they see me working from home. I’ll get called away from work or whatever I’m doing to fetch ingredients, pour milk, find things around the house, etc. It sometimes feels like I’m expected to be available on demand.

At this point, I feel guilty because I’ve become increasingly critical and have ended up arguing with my mother almost daily. She gets upset, I get frustrated, and nobody is enjoying the visit.

I’m curious whether others have experienced major differences in cleanliness standards, household habits, or expectations when parents or in-laws visit for extended periods. How do you handle it? Do you adapt, set stricter boundaries, hire help, shorten visits, or something else?

And honestly: based on what I’ve described, do I sound unreasonable?

I’ve been on sick leave for few months due to burnout/anxiety caused by work. The main causes were unrealistic workload, difficult stakeholders, constant blame culture, and feeling like I spent more time covering myself politically than doing meaningful engineering work. Eventually I started having panic attacks and had to step away.

I’m recovering, but the thought of returning to my old role still gives me anxiety. However, I feel much more positive about returning in a different role within the same company.

I’ve read conflicting things online about reintegration in the Netherlands. Some articles say that if you reintegrate into a different position, your employer can move you into a lower role and reduce your salary.

How true is that in practice? Has anyone here successfully reintegrated into a different role/team within the same company after burnout? How did it work?