I be feeling different in public because I was in and out of hospitals, and it took away my social life \[for now I hope\]. I feel like wearing headphones out in public is a necessity. I don't want to isolate myself but I also get moments where I don't feel ready to go out in the real world
I was diagnosed with psychosis midway through college, and now I’m in my last semester. Before my diagnosis, I wanted to become a research assistant or biotechnician, but reading statistics about people with psychosis has been discouraging and makes me worry about my future in those fields.
Are there any RAs, biotechnicians, or clinical researchers here who also live with psychosis? I’d really appreciate hearing from people in the field. I’m trying to find my community.
This is my second time going back to work after relapse but this time much sooner. My relapse was two months ago but I want a job to get me out of the house and because I don’t get ssi. It was kinda pressured on me too so I feel a little uneasy about working so soon. It is an easy job but I deal with customers. I want to have this job for at least longer than 4 months. Any advice?
For someone dealing with a mental health condition, I had to take some years off of college and I wasn’t able to work until I recovered, now when I go out I feel like I miss out on social skills because I don’t want to act like I’m still a teenager (I’ve been told I look like 19) when I about to hit mid 20’s and don’t know how I should stand up against rude strangers.
For instance, I was at Ikea, and I was eating with my sister when this person (early 30’sf) started to intentionally stand in front of my view and I felt like it was an ego move for her because before she was coughing by anyone that passed by her.
I glanced at her for a second then ignored her, then heard her scoff. I felt like I did what she wanted me to do. I didn’t feel like I did what i wanted to do and felt like she “walked” over me.
The me before I got sick would have ignored that because she’s out of my age bracket to even be dealing with that, but the person I am now should be standing up to myself.
What I actually wanted to do was to say out loud, “Why is she standing in front of us?”, outloud to my sister to make it confrontational, but I didnt want my sister to get involved and get unwanted attention.
This could be something small but I found Christ during my sickness and I am trying to do the right thing by handling this in the righteous way. From what I know, God doesn’t like it when you let people walk over you. What would you have done?
I was diagnosed 2 years ago and I’m in my last semester of college. I’ve gone to the hospital twice and I feel like the amount of time I’ve relapsed, I know how to recover efficiently and now I’m preparing for my first big girl job. Is there anyone that has a “good” job while maintaining psychosis? I’d like to hear some motivation
I am a college student and have thought about making new friends since my diagnosis, but once i tell them my diagnosis will it scare people away? How did you tell your friends?
** Get comfortable because this is one heck of a story**
In 2024, I was about to graduate with a Research Assistant position, was a Coordinator for a Student Organization, and a passionate undergraduate student. I felt like I was heading in the right direction in finding my happily ever after once I graduate. But what people didn't know was I had anxiety (I would take breaks walking to my classroom) and was falling into depression. My family was going through a phase where we would not catch up with each other on the phone, so I was lonely, had anxiety, and was falling into depression. My school was located in the middle of nowhere, and I didn't have any friends so I was stuck with my thoughts. I reached out to get help but they would only offer therapy once every two weeks so I felt like that wasn't enough.
I was also busy and living off campus so I would pack snacks, eat one meal a day, and sleep 4-6 hours for months to stay on track with studying and research.
One day I was thinking about my life (childhood, trauma) and it made me cry for hours 2 in the morning. I was thinking.... "My mom doesnt love me... my ___ doesnt love me... ___ doesnt love me... no one loves me..." Then, when I closed my eyes I saw the word in shiny gold, " I LOVE YOU " and I felt the feeling of love rush all over my body. I was so sad I didn't think about what the heck happened until two days later. Days went by and I was on my way to pick up my anxiety medication and my uber driver handed me a pamphlet. I didnt take a look at it until I got home and it said "Jesus loves you." So there I was in my room asking myself, "Was the from Jesus?"
I always wanted to know more about him, I felt like it was him because I had a teaching assistant who is Christian be supportive of me in class. I always wanted to be closer to Jesus through my Christian friends. Leading up to there, It made believe that Jesus was always near me by having certain people around me, and it was him who was calling out for me.
Therefore, I was contemplating whether it was Jesus making me decide to rely on the medication and the world or follow him and he will help me fix my anxiety and depression. It was a red pill or blue pill moment.
On my next psychiatry appointment, I told my psychiatrist about it, and it was the last meeting we had. I then asked my teaching assistant if he had a bible I can have and he gave me one and invited me to his church...
This is where the religious psychosis was beginning to happen...
During finals week, I read half of the Bible, and I believe I started to have hallucinations. I wouldn't really know to this day because I was alone a lot and I didn't have any Christian fellowship, so I thought that Christians, low-key, have some kind of "power". I believed I had power because children started to treat me differently. I then started to have dreams of black figures with big white eyes and I thought they were demons trying to scare me. I learned not to be afraid of anything but him, and I took that literally. One night, I thought there was a man who was trying to break into my house and I called the police and since it was a small town, they said they could only see if there was someone outside then leave. When the cops left I thought God was communicating with me through my phone and I believed he made me get out of the house and go back home. I booked a 10-hour ride on Amtrak and landed in my hometown.
My family started to be concerned for me when they saw me dissociate in a room with a bible... realistically, it was because I was starting to feel like the black sheep in the family and they're non-believers and I was trying to feel the holy spirit. I don't remember when I started hearing commands, but I eventually believed that God sent me to be sacrificed, as I will be the holy spirit, my sister will be for the Father, and my other sister will be the son, and another bible will be written. I then spoke and I believed it was God taking over my mouth. My sisters didn't believe me, so they took me to the hospital.
In the psych ward, I thought God put me there to be sacrificed and raped by men. The night I thought I was going to die, I said I love you God and I heard a voice tell me to go to the lodge and stay there until it closes. I got discharged but I was still active I then get sent to another hospital and I believe I got better there. There was a point where I didnt speak and I stayed that way for months but it eventually got away.
To this day, I think God did come to me but because I was alone and didn't know how be a Christian, I started to overthink and overreact to my hallucinations and delusions.
I am happy that I got closer to god because that night I felt love and I wasnt happy before so as long as I'm with God, I'll be okay.
I still do kinda think that good people hold power, especially if they're Christians, because they're sourced by GOD, but my condition has gotten better now that I focus on other things than school like self-care and finding hobbies. My psychosis in the beginning was about god but now it's changing into people can "feel" your thoughts.
What do you think about all this?
i don’t know if this is appropriate to post here, but i wanted to make a small warning - if you are prone to psychosis and/or delusions, please be careful on instagram reels or tiktok right now. me and several of my friends have been getting reels about government conspiracies, gangstalking, and other similar things that could easily throw someone vulnerable off into the deep end. i am glad i’m not prone but i keep pressing “not interested” and it keeps popping up. it’s not only really weird but it’s dangerous. stay safe everyone 🫂