▲ 19 r/sfoghi

Sono un cesso inguardabile

Ieri sono stata a un evento e mi hanno fatto una foto, non pensavo di essere chissà che figa perché so già di essere brutta, però avevo un bel vestito e mi ero impegnata molto a prepararmi con un bel trucco e pettinato bene i capelli quindi pensavo vabe dai forse stavolta non sono così male.
Quando ho visto la foto sono rimasta molto male, sono grassa ho due braccia enormi, il mio viso è spento non c’è traccia di vita né di luce nei miei occhi, ma proprio il mio viso è orrendo, il trucco faceva schifo i capelli ancora peggio, ero anche al secondo giorno di ciclo quindi ero una balena di merda, quel vestito stavo aspettando da tempo per metterlo, bellissimo, ma su di me faceva veramente tanto cagare tanto che ora lo odio e non voglio più vederlo.
Le altre erano tutte più fighe di me, come al solito (non che ci voglia tanto, sono letteralmente la figlia di fantozzi).
Mi è preso così tanto a male che ho deciso di digiunare perché voglio essere almeno magra.
Sono stanca di questi episodi del cazzo che succedono solo a me, stanca di essere sempre la più brutta e invidiosa cronica delle altre donne, per una volta vorrei essere io ad essere bella, a guardare una mia foto e dire minchia che bona, invece di piangerci tutto il giorno e stare così tanto a pezzi come oggi, sarà circa da questa mattina alle 9 che piango ho mal di testa e sono esausta, non so che ho fatto di male per meritarmi di essere così brutta, è umiliante

reddit.com
u/morenita_sarita — 22 hours ago

I feel so humiliated

Yesterday I was at a wedding and I thought I looked quite good, not beautiful but still good, this morning I saw all the pictures they took and I looked like a monster all the time, I’m fat and my face is beyond ugly, everyone saw those pictures and I feel so humiliated, the dress that I thought was so pretty on me was horrible, I put some effort in doing my makeup but it’s just an ugly mess, same for my hair. There’s not a single thing that it’s okay in me and I feel so bad right now. On top of that I’m crying so hard I’m shaking and I’m nauseous and nobody wants to understand what I feel, they just scream at me saying I’m just an annoying person and that’s all, they also posted the picture when I said I didn’t want them to do that and they’re saying I’m just being rude and stupid, I’m really tired I wanna stop eating and erase my ugly fucking face

reddit.com
u/morenita_sarita — 1 day ago

Im a stranger in my family

Yesterday I’ve been in a place with all my family and it’s insane how much I do not feel myself when I’m with them. They don’t know me, I’m literally a stranger that happened to be there, I don’t talk with anyone, nobody asks me nothing ever, I’m literally there like an animate piece of furniture.
Normally I’m a person with emotions, but when I’m with them I don’t know what happens to my brain but it just shut down everything in me, I’m just sitting there emotionless, I don’t laugh, I don’t talk, I don’t even smile, literally an npc, then I go back to my life and I become the person that I usually am.
When I was younger they used to scold me everyday for my passions and for my way of expressing myself and since I’m an adult when I’m around them I become the equivalent of a cardboard cutout of myself just standing there.
I’m always been the black sheep, always criticized for everything, I had bad grades at school and I took wrong decisions in my life, always been with bad men and I changed too many of them, when I was younger they used to told me I was just a disappointment, I’m not exactly at the level of my perfect relatives with perfect lives, excellent in everything they do, so I’m just being there, I’m present at the function just because sometimes I can’t decline the invitation, but everytime I come back home energy deprived and I need like 3 business days to recover.
Also they’re very loud, I’m not a loud person and I’m uncomfortable with loud environment so I’m two times uncomfortable around them.
I think your family is not the people you share the same blood with but those who you can be yourself around them

reddit.com
u/morenita_sarita — 9 days ago

I think I’ve never been in love

Im a F29 and I think I’ve never been in love. I had relationships, situationships, but I’ve never experienced that kind of gentle and kind and slow love.
I’ve always been consumed and driven by a series of unhealthy obsessions, the biggest one was sum years ago I had a situationship of barely one month and ive gone batshit crazy for this guy, he left me and I’ve been desperately obsessed with him for like 5 years.
I was so desperate and miserable I used to self harm myself, abusing coke every weekend to the point I refused to hang out if there wasnt coke abuse involved, allat because I was suffering and I was deeply obsessed and this is the closest thing to love I’ve ever experienced, then I got better with time, but today sometimes I still find myself checking his socials when I’m bored.
My longest relationship lasted one year, I don’t even know why I was with him in the first place I never liked him, physically and emotionally, I’ve been with him for one year and I slept with him like 5 times in total and I’m not even joking, idk why but my body refused to even feel him when he was inside of me and I was repulsed by his smell, he didn’t care about his hygiene at all, he treated me like an idiot all the time and often insulted me, ignored me during my panic attacks completely and side eyed me, or everytime I laughed he insulted me saying I was not ok in the head, he also thought I was a slut because I had sexual partners before him and he was often mad at me for this, for some reason, and this made me feel unworthy of love and respect, I was feeling so bad I even stopped touching myself when I was alone, my libido was dead, i was often ill too. I had an obsessive crush on him for a while and I ended up in a suffocating relationship where I was always frustrated and mad and irritated by his existence, in fact one year later I cheated on him and ghosted him out of nowhere the week later and I’ve never felt any kind of remorse, never felt even a bit of nostalgia, never poured one single tears and one year later now I still never felt anything but relief.
I’ve never lived a happy relationship where I was in love, like genuinely in love, I think I never loved nobody, I see my bestie with her boyfriend, I see how gentle they are with each other and I’m happy for her, but I also ask myself why I have to be so tormented? Why me?
Why when a guy is interested in me I run away? Why I end up in meaningless messy relationships? Why I end up suffering so much over someone I never even dated properly?

reddit.com
u/morenita_sarita — 16 days ago

Is this normal?

When I’m having a panic attack I have the habit of scratching myself, I scratch my arm, my thighs, my chest and belly till I start to bleed.
I have scars on my legs from panic attacks of last year just to give you an idea of what I’m capable to do to myself in those situations.
Idk why it happens it’s automatic I can’t control it, how do I stop? It happens to some of you too? And if yes, how did you stop?

reddit.com
u/morenita_sarita — 29 days ago