u/motherofhounds666

Long story short, my 5 year old is now with me full time and is no longer seeing or in contact with other parent. Relevant information - other parent has been inconsistent in his parenting time for years, did not have any routines, treated the child like a friend, left the child alone for hours supervising via cameras, failed to feed child consistently, exposed child to drinking and heavy drug use, parented inconsistently (one day xyz behavior was accepted, next day it was punished), other parent has been single for almost a year and has no other children living there - I have a partner since kid was a young toddler and other children with partner.

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The child is very bright, very perceptive, and emotionally aware. He obviously loves his other parent, which i always encourage by sharing positive stories and asking relevant positive questions. He will sometimes ask when he will see other other parent, which I respond to with telling child that other parent is busy working and moving and that other parent loves him very much. In reality, I don't know when he will get to see other parent, it doesn't depend on me. I don't know what else to say to the child. I would appreciate advice on this very much.

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Over the last few weeks, child has been acting out in ways that he never has before. He breaks rules just for the sake of breaking them, he uses inappropriate language that he learned from other parent, he is very defiant, he hits his younger siblings. I approach this with a level head, apply consequences consistently (time outs for toys, and for him - I sit with him quietly and then we talk about what happened) and spend ample one on one time with the kid, as does my partner. When he hits his siblings, I make sure to ask and to comfort the hurt sibling, show empathy out loud towards them and then take him aside right away and keep them separated until he is calm and we had the conversation of why we do not put hands on other people.

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Besides for our immediate family, kid has cousins+aunts+uncles+grandparents who are very involved. He spends a lot of time outside biking, fishing, hiking, playing independently and with siblings/family. We eat healthy - minimal processed foods, lots of fruit and veggies. Screen time is used sparsely, most of our time is spent doing things outside.

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Sometimes, he brings up missing his other parent, asking when he will see other parent again and i know it bothers him, but I don't know what to say besides what I mentioned earlier. I know that the problem behaviors are stemming from the absence of the other parent because it has happened before that child had to stay with me for longer periods (though never this long and always with a known or approximately known length) and displayed those behaviors then too.

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If anyone has gone through something similar, please let me know how you handled it.

Hello,

I have 50/50 custody of my 5 year old child with his father. His father got a new job, asked me to keep the child longer and randomly messaged me today (Friday) requesting to have the child for 1 day out of his week on Sunday. Am I obligated to accommodate him? We already made plans for that day and spending only a day with his father will upset and destabilize the child.

Thank you for your advice!