u/mysterious_mystery2

Because if it possible, then please tell me how

I finally found one of reasons of my sufferning, I was taught to expect women to be kind, empathic, delicate, aproachable and understanding. Plus I was taught they would behave very elegantly and gently. And that women are overall very shy about sexual stuff. Even if outer me knows it won't happen and it is wrong, I think inner me ( subconsciousness) still expects that. And that why I have so bad relations with most women in my life

So how can I deillusion inner me?

Or basicly what to do when your crush doesn't see you as potential boyfriend? And it will not change any time soon?

Because we are seen and loved only by those who wants us, not because what you can do, but because who you are.

So if nobody wants you, you do not exists truly, you are not dead, but you don't live.

And even if you are needed ( at workplace or somewhere else), you are just tool for other people.

So nobody wants you = no life

I am still young 21M, so I get that not everyone in my age group wants something serious, long term etc..

So what can I do?

I feel so bad, women doesn't like to be sexualised ( pr at least I think that), and even if I don't show or say that ( except 2 times in my life), when I see women skin, my mind goes wild, i get thousends of horny thoughts, for few times I even had dreams where I touch women. I can normaly talk to women, see them as persons respect boundaries, but when I am alone... evil happens and I litellary wonder if their skin is soft, etc..

So basicly I operates on two modes: One when there are people around, where I am respectfull, gentlemanish, carefull. And second when I am alone and I am horny, creepy etc...

So I don't know whats wrong with me, I am capable of respecting women, but at the same time my sex drive reaches cosmos. And that why I feel like abomination, because I am not complete gentleman nor complete pervert.

Should I go to therapy? Can therapist help with that?

Today was rare day when I wasn't horny that much. WAS.

I meet my friend today, she did some course for people who help manage little kids at big parties. And She made ballon dogs. And here comes horny idiot ( me), I wanted to say that ballon she made was amazning. But here are two things:

- She has big breasts

- I suck at comunication

So I said " Your ballons are amazing". And in our native ballons can mean big breasts. And she understood it that way. And I run off and I am ashamed of myself, and I cannot stop thinking about that sitaution, and that I called her breasts big, no matter cause.

Also I got horny because I am thinking of breasts.

Why I am so horny and stupid.

Because half Of that time I am horny ( very), rest I spend doing things to be considered boyfriend material and rarely I use to read about women anathomy, ( hormons and their effects etc..)

So is it mental ilness or I am just morally degradaded?

Idk If I should think that, but since someone told me that women can subconsciously know if men watches porn or if he want sex, and Now I am afraid that reason why I was never in relationship is because of that.

I don't watch porn, before you ask

Because all my mental problems ( unsolved) are:

- Not having GF

- Being Virgin

- problems with relations with women

- never getting positive physical contact with another human.

- being MEGA Horny, really I am horny 12h per day.

And all those things are killing me from inside.

There are few lesser ones, but they won't matter soon.

So is it possible that most of my mental health problems are caused by lack of good relations with non-toxic and empathic women?

I was always black sheep. Always outcast, never loved by anyone. I try to bond with people, but they don't want to bond with me. So naturally no one would love me romancitly, or even any other way.

In few months I was so succesfull that I nearly entered group of friends, but now I see I was 5 wheel.

I do have few things still enjoyable in life, but they won't hug me, say that I am enough and say they love me.

It isn't other people fault, because normal people cannot understand anomalous and diffrent human.

When other kids dreamed of being firefighters, soliders or astronauts, I dreamt of having family that doesn't scream and abuse.

But my calls of help when I was little were left unanserwed, and now when I am men, nobody seems to care.

So I think it will last for rest of my life. But hey, someone has to suffer so loved people can enjoy their lifes? Isn't it?

Can Space Fauna use psionic weapons? And if not, space ranchers can also use standard ships?

Because I am tired, all life I feel forced to get positive women attention, but still ( without few brief moments) didn't managed to get any.

Most women in my life hates me, so I stopped trying to get any, but I still feel need for it.

So how to stop needing it without hating women?

Because I feel lile that, no matter what I do, I cannot attract anyone, and when I am attracted to somebody, I fail.

I try normal advice people follow, but they are made for normal people, and I am not normal, but people always lied to me that everyone will find somebody when time will come, so I tried.

When I speak about what intrests me, nobody cares, when I try to ask what intrests them, nobody cares.

I am not saying all women are bad, because everyone is diffrent, but most of women I know ( I know 37 women ( above age of 18) and only 7 is not hostile to me) seems to hate me.

So here we come to those three potential results:

1. Other men are a better than me, so why bother with me while women can try to find happiness with some more stable, strong, stoic and normal

2. I am just something that no women wants.

3. By pure bad luck I am surronded by mean, toxic people.

Recently I think I can be sexist in disguise, but there are proofs I might not be.

Because I have cosmicly high sex drive, and I am getting horny very easily and fast. I need only brief look at women skin, and this happens. Something I don't even need to see skin.

But when I actually speak with women, I get horny less, still, but much less. So is that high sex drive or I am sexist in disguise?

If you don't mind intrests and preferences, which place would be the best for first date?

I am 21M, never had sex, never kissed, never holded hands.

I had only 6 friends, currently 2.

My "family" is just two people who had sex, and now have to deal with consequnces. With being one of the most toxic parents earth ever seen.

Everyone around have everything I don't, they have partners, loving families, passions.

I used to had few, but one soild beating was enough to make me focus back on what parents said.

I don't have any of these, nor good genes, and half of my body has some defects.

There are 12 people now who are friendly to me, but I mostly meet mean ones

And nobody cares, I have to smile, help others, say everything is okey. Last time I truly smiled was 1 may, I want to help only people who are nice to me, and everything is bad.

No matter time and place, I mostly feel urge to do something considered sexual. Look at women skin, try to get better view, sometimes even check how they smell etc. And worst of all- world made me very catious, sneaky, quiet-moving, swift moving, so nobody mangaed to caught me yet. + Plus I can see from distance.

I am so good at hiding it, that I have partialy reputation of " Sex only in marriage" type of guy.

No matter what I do, other guys are always chosen first, and no matter what I do I always stay in background, while others get to play main role all time. Everyone around actually have passion and hobbies they were allowed to develop.

And in dating it is the same, Other people never consider me date-able. At most I am "Weird, but (yet) harmless guy". I don't want to self pity, but what can I do?

I try picking new things, but if you do that only to meet new persons, I don't think it works.

Time is passing, and relationship isn't life goal numer 1, but if you don't enter long term before 30, chances go from low to nano-low. Nano means 10 to power of -9, if you don't know that.

So what are options

Because It is never about what I want and What I need. People never asks me how I feel, how my day was. But I am supposued to put smile on face and continuie serving others.

And when it comes to women( not all of course) I feel the worst. I try to act friendly and nice, but they still look down at me, yell at me.

I never had true family, I was made not from love, but because two people needed servant and reason to say they are better than others. I am broken, unloved beyond any norm or standard. So why others ( most of them) have to insult me, look down at me, thinks I am idiot. And people still expect me to put others before me.

For all my life I only wanted from others love and understanding. But I start to see that those things are only for those who were born from two people love, not made from greed and envy.