u/myswollenclitoris

I’m 22 years old and only used pads, but I’m very interested in making a shift to tampons only.

I could never put even a finger up no matter how aroused/relaxed I felt, it fucking hurts too much.

I work a warehouse job part time and am currently on my period. My shift starts at 6 am tmrw, and I want to use these Kotex tampons I just purchased.

I can’t put it in - it burns/hurts and it feels like touching a wall.

I woke up at like 5 am with HORRENDOUS cramps, and the cramps have disappeared now that it’s 6 pm, usually I have bad cramps for ONE day and the rest is easy with mild blood.

The only pads I have are very heavy ones, so it will look like a diaper through my work pants.

I’ve been drinking to lower my inhibitions but it hurts 😭

I’m sitting in front of two mirrors, toilet paper, trash bag, wipes, alcohol and everything to ease me but I CANNOT!!

I feel pathetic and so many emotions are running through me 😖

There is no other disease / “natural” way to die that frightens me more than heart attacks

I cannot calm down because my chest tightens at the idea of CLOGGED ARTERIES

I end up manually breathing and actively swallowing my saliva every few seconds.

It doesn’t matter that I’m 21 and it takes years/decades of damage for it to happen. It doesn’t matter that a million ways to die exist, I don’t want this to be an option for me.

HOW DO I REVERSE TWO DECADES OF DAMAGE?

Apparently you can’t. What’s done is done. And I’m not here for it.

This is rather dark but it’s always on my mind…

I have this debilitating obsession with heart attacks.
It started when I was a preteen and still exists at 21.

I’ve been thinking for a while to take my life before my 30s because that’s where my mind chooses as the end of a safe zone.

Technically could have one in my 20s, but it happening is a non factor at this moment. Because I just don’t believe it.

But I don’t want to reach middle age (40s +) and constantly have, “omg I could drop dead any second” be at the forefront.

The idea of clogged arteries being possible makes me want to end my existence before it’s too late.

I’m restless and manually breathing before I eat food and my quality of life has dropped.

Even now I don’t think I can wait until the end of this decade, the stress is so terrible I want to end this feeling as soon as possible.

It’s an East Asian movie, that I must’ve watched prior to 2020. I don’t know when the movie was created, but it gave an old vibe.

The protagonist was an adolescent girl who ends up taking her life after a numerous about of terrible things.

She intentionally falls into a train/bus track after seeing her boyfriend with another girl as her last straw.

Prior to her death, she was assaulted in a car/van by acquaintances of her boyfriend.

There’s a few scenes in the movie where a camera is always panned to the same dining room table where she argues with her sister and mom¿ I don’t think her dad existed in this movie.

Two other scenes that I remember involve her going into an adult store with her then boyfriend and scenes in a classroom.

Also the funeral scene after her death, her sister who she had a bad relationship walks down the aisle in a church or something.

I do remember watching “A stray goat” in the same period as this movie but for some reason I cannot remember this one.

Seeking a movie/show from memory

Okay so as I remember this was an extremely angsty MOVIE.

I watched it when I was far too young for the contents, but I vividly remember some scenes/key points.

• Her death scene involved her standing by train/bus tracks and she’s zooming (with flip phone) in on her boyfriend¿ kissing another girl. She lets her entire body go limp in anguish and falls into the pit before getting run over seconds later.

I believe the exact moment of her choosing to die zoomed out like it was being seen through surveillance tapes. But the things that happened before was very in the moment.

• Assaulted in a car by group of men (boyfriends friends)

• Rumors about another girl student and a teacher¿ (teacher was fired)

• A scene where she goes into an adult store with her boyfriend

• Every breakfast is with her younger sister which involves a shaky relationship and after her death we see the sister alone in a somber mood

You know I’m not absolutely certain if it was a Kmovie or Jmovie, but I know it was a movie not a series.

If this isn’t the correct subreddit, then any suggestions as to how or where I should search for this movie would be appreciated.

I’ve been looking for months to find the movie. I watched it during a stressful period in my life.

Thank you!