u/nature-space

My son is almost 8 months old and for months car rides have been absolutely crazy. We’ve tried me sitting in the back and dad sitting in the back. We’ve tried immediately after naps, after feedings, or even waiting a bit. We’ve tried the happy song, raffi, music, talking, etc. He’s okay for a very short while and then will start fussing. Especially if we go inside anywhere (carters, sprouts, doctors office, etc), he will immediately start crying and then we go outside and he’ll calm down. But then he’ll start crying inconsolably in the car. We even tried a long break before driving again. I’ve only had 2 successful car ride where he was in a good mood and I was just driving alone with him around the neighborhood and to the park and back (as practice). I was able to do multiple times in the day even before a nap and he was okay. But otherwise, when we go anywhere together, he cries so hard that he literally will start coughing/choking on his breath or hyperventilate. We’ve pretty much been avoiding any long car rides and only to appts (we’ve been trying sprouts/carters sometimes because dad wants him to get used to car rides and being in stores and thinks it’s because he doesn’t do it enough) or anything like that to avoid stressing out our son.

Any tips for a mom in need?

What does everyone do for work as a single mom? Did you change careers or go back to school once you became a single mom? How do you afford childcare, rent/expenses, etc? What’s the cost of living in your area?

I’m currently in a HCOL area and definitely won’t be able to afford rent after leaving baby’s father. And childcare here is about ~$2k/mo. Im wondering if I need to make a substantial career change or go back to school.

How prevalent are the in laws in your life?

Does it matter how much they are around? Or how often they call? Or do video chats?

My partner calls his parents everyday and does an hour video chat so they can see our son. He said he doesn’t actually like calling everyday but his parents would get worried if he doesn’t. They used to show up unexpectedly even when he would tell them not to. They’ve always been like this even when he was younger. They would want to come over all the time. Now they might be okay with every week. To be honest, it kind of annoys me because they don’t even know my name and have always treated me as someone who is seen but not spoken to. It’s like that every time we see them. They also have had terrible boundaries and an enmeshed relationship with my partner. They’ve also always compared me to them like I can never do anything as good as they do (they used to take care of him before we were very serious. They still tried to when we were living together. Ex: making all his meals/etc). But, I can’t say anything because it just makes him mad and irritated. So, I just deal with it. Is this normal?

How is everyone dealing with slippery bottoms? I found some sandals that I really like but they are so slippery. I tried them on at home and looked like a fool trying to walk in these slippery shoes.

Asked a cobbler and he said due to the type of material for the shoes, they probably couldn’t do it. And even if they did, it would run up $100-150. Which is a no from me since the shoes are pretty much the same price.

Should I just return these and look for another 70s style platform sandal?

Any recommendations for similar style of shoes? Or brands you like for quality?

For reference : Seychelles Heart of Gold Sandal: https://www.nordstrom.com/s/8727515?color=001&size=7&width=m

I’m so heartbroken right now. I don’t even know who to talk to or where to go. I feel completely lost and broken.

He never took accountability. Always said he was a prisoner. Never had any remorse. No real change. He blamed me when he did wrong. When he lied. When he betrayed me. Somehow he was the victim. If I cried, he’d just walk out or ignore me. Then later cry and act like I hurt him. I never got to grieve. I was never allowed to be in pain. To allow the hurt to process. I just kept being retraumatized and I’m so freaking sad. Why does only his pain matter? Why doesn’t the pain he caused me matter? Why does only his discomfort matter? I wish I could go back and change everything.

I gave birth to his son because he promised we’d get married. He promised to change. And now, I’m a single mom. He kept promising and promising and always failed to keep his promises but kept saying he would change. I should’ve left at the beginning. But I believed his words when I should have believed his actions.

He still blames me. Says that I forced him to be a prisoner, to have transparency. But he agreed to it. He said he would be open and honest so I would stay. That there wouldn’t be any secrets. Yet, I forced him. How? I tell him that if that’s how he feels then we can go our separate ways and then he’ll get mad about that. Why is he always so irritated? So angry? Then acts like everything’s fine when he feels like it? Why?

We got in a terrible fight last night and I called him a POS. That he isn’t even a decent person. To go back to his “teens” like the perverted loser he is. I told him he never loved me because if he did then he wouldn’t have done half the things he did to me. I said he was never fair to me. He just kept blaming me. And he said that why should he have to do anything I want if he loves me. He said that I always say he doesn’t love me because he doesn’t do what I want or think the way I want. And that’s not even true. Though he doesn’t care about my feelings.

I went off and completely said everything that I’ve been holding back in a wrath I never knew. It just kept coming out. He changed his passcode, stopped sharing his location, and drove off and slept in the car somewhere I don’t know. He said he slept at the park but how do you believe someone who always lies?

He looks like the innocent one, the victim. And here I am looking like a tired crazy woman.

It’s over. And yet I wondered if I had to apologize to him today for what I said and how I acted even though he’s constantly broken promises and hurt me and watched me cry into oblivion. Even though he saw me completely broken and battered and didn’t bat an eye. Even when he saw me suicidal he didn’t care. In fact he was even worse. Like he wanted me to die.

I feel so broken and I wish I could go back in time and I can’t. I’m sad.

There’s so many people that have people that love them. That care about their feelings. That would never hurt them. That would comfort and make you feel safe. That would take accountability and responsibility. There’s so many people that love their partner or are capable of being kind. There’s so many people that recognized their wrongs and healed the situation. That were transparent, went to therapy, deleted social media, stopped.

Why did I believe when I should have known better? Why is it that even now I wish things could be different? There’s no going back and I feel so sad that it ended this way.

I’m sorry for this post. I just have no one to talk to. I’m sad and hurt and just wish I could disappear. I feel like the stupidest person on the planet.

Edit: Thank you to everyone for your encouraging words. It’s been a completely isolating experience and I’ve felt so alone. Today, I didn’t feel alone. Thank you