Salaam, feeling lost and having anti-Islamic thoughts
I'll give you some context. Recently I have been planning an umrah trip with my family. Everything was set except give the payment to the agent. One night before, my parents called me to their room and told me they can't go due to a legit medical reason.
Now this has happened to me 3-4 times in last 4 years. We try to make a plan for Umrah and it never materializes.
My parents have done their hajj and the last time I went for Umrah was almost 20 years ago.
I have started to feel like Allah does not want me to come there, I am getting thoughts that I should throw away my Quran just to be spiteful and do things only an enemy of Islam would do.
I also am having thoughts of going for umrah myself (my parents are okay with it).
I feel lost.