u/never_speechless

Tl;dr : I am no longer into my bf because I’m not sexually attracted to him despite him being the perfect man in every other way.

I have been dating my bf since high school, he is by all definition of the word the perfect man, he is kind, caring, funny, understanding, smart, motivated, loyal, respectful, and everything I could ever ask for in a partner besides one thing. I am just not very attracted to him.

Even writing this out makes me feel like an asshole but I really need advice, My bf is my best friend, we have literally grown up together and I know if we stayed together we would have a great and full life. I just can’t find an attraction for him anymore, and this is not a recent thing, I have been very aware of my lack of sexual interest in him for the past year, I assumed it would go away and was a temporary thing. It has not.

He has never been my type truthfully but I’ve always found him cute and that was fine by me, when we got together at 17 I didn’t really imagine we would still be together 3 years later because we were just so young. Despite that here we are, I have tried to get him to workout with me, to care about the kind of clothes he wears but he just has other interests. He is not fat in any way he is also not ugly, he is just as I said not my type.

I have tried everything I can to respectfully push him into a healthier lifestyle and to care about his appearance but I no longer think this is possible. Truthfully I fear our breakup would send him on a fitness arc that would make him care about his body, I just wish he could do this while we are together you know?

I am afraid I am robbing him of the ability to be with someone who is truly into him, at the same time I genuinely don’t want to end our relationship, I love him deeply and don’t want a life without him but I also don’t want to envision a life that I am never truly attracted to the person I am with.

I am also serious about us having an amazing relationship, we still have a healthy and active sex life though I just hide my lack of enjoyment as to not hurt him. We still do everything any normal couple would do. I know if I broke up with him I would genuinely miss him every single day so I am just not sure what to do anymore.

I have always known I am seen objectively as more attractive than him as people have always made comments about it or are surprised we are together. People tend to assume that his girlfriend would be ugly and have rudely announced this. I don’t really care what other people think about us in that regard before all that mattered to me is that I liked him, but now it just feels like people point out the obvious to be hateful, I really don’t want him to feel not good enough or undesirable. I just want us to both be happy!

I know I would be able to be attracted to him if he invested in clothes that fit well, new hairstyles or started going to the gym. I have always been image conscious and spend a lot of time working on my appearance, fitness, and clothing everyday. I wish he would do the same but that’s also asking him to be someone he’s not and that’s just wrong of me.

I really just need some advice from anyone, especially older people here who have been through something like this before. I am open to any comments please just be kind as having to write this was already a sucky experience.

Swiss chems

20F no longer attracted to 21M after three years.

20F 160, 5’6

20F for all, finally have 5 karma ‼️