Am I the only one?
Just wondering if I’m alone on this one. I was born with TMAU, so I’ve dealt with it my entire life with memories of being bullied as early as Kindergarten. Now I’m a lot older (30s) but I still haven’t figured out how to manage my life socially or at work. I have constant anxiety, mostly while I’m at work or in public, about someone saying something about me being smelly. It’s like I’m constantly just waiting for someone to say something to me or about me. It’s a paralyzing state that I exist in that I can’t escape in my head. In the past I never knew how to respond when people would bring it up or tease me. I didn’t have an official diagnosis growing up so I never wanted to tell people it was a medical condition when I had no official proof to back it up even though I was 99% sure it’s what I was dealing with. I officially got a diagnosis this year through a genetic counselor and it felt validating to finally have someone tell me I’m not crazy. I thought it would make me more confident in responding to and dealing with coworkers and people in general. I was hoping that it might also alleviate some of the anxiety I deal with on a daily basis. But so far, it hasn’t done that. I’ve been in therapy for a long time and my therapist was the one who pushed me to get a diagnosis hoping that might help me. I don’t know if this is making sense at all, I just feel so helpless still. I know it’s a condition I can’t control, it’s not my fault, and I shouldn’t care what other people think. But something about the shame and embarrassment of being the stinky person really drags me down. And people never are as sympathetic as I hope they might be. I usually get weird looks or kind of the “yeah right” vibe when I do try to explain. Can anyone relate to this? Advice for coping and stop being so fearful of how I’m being perceived in the world?