r/KitchenConfidential

FOH manager (F27) that has dated a handful of industry folks over the last ~2 years and is getting increasingly concerned for the men in this industry. Some examples:

- Executive chef for a large, prestigious golf course, early 30s, good looking. I recently ended our FWB bc his diet was 3 joints before work, canned Yerba mate, 5-7 beers after work and then another joint before bed. I feel I’m a girl with realistic expectations but he was not even on this planet 4/5 times we saw each other. I stopped several encounters because consent got hazy and I didn’t want him to do anything he could regret. Also the worst cum I’ve ever tasted in my life. Really wish he’d get sober and drink some fucking water so I could enjoy being with him.

- Sous chef for a 1 star place, late 20s, very sweet. Out after work every night, staying up all night and going back to work at 5am (hasn’t been to bed yet) and checking ferments/dehydrator/prep before going home to sleep ~4 hours and go back to work. Working 65+ hours and is talking daily about leaving the industry. Just ended the talking phase to see if we could date. We couldn’t, he’s just at work or too exhausted.

- Sous chef, early 40s, leaving the industry. Growing shrooms in his basement. Can only relax enough to cum high. Back issues and pretty depressed. Previous FWB.

Positive things these men have in common. Sweet. Kind. Respectful. Humble. Would all drop everything if I asked for help but are slowly killing themselves. Idk I’m just concerned! I love the men in this industry. Y’all work hard and know how to command a room and I both respect it and think it’s incredibly hot. If possible I’d like to find a healthy, stable industry guy who understands my day-day. Seems like that might be a challenge tho!

Also tips for approaching conversations about lifestyle and habits when I get concerned are very welcome.

For clarity: I use THC gummies about once a week on a day off and like to go out with the girls a couple times a month so I’m not a stranger to substances.

For me it's the boyfriend in The Devil Wears Prada. My SO made me rewatch it with her the other week because of the new one coming out and the boyfriend annoyed the shit out of me the whole time. You're introduced to him making Anne Hathaway a grilled cheese and he shows that he's a chef because he flips the grilled cheese in the pan. He could have used a spatula, he even could have used his fingers, but he flipped it.. because chef. He then went on to mention that there's like $10 worth of Jarlsberg in the grilled cheese. Later on in the movie he also bragged about how the strawberries that he bought were $5 a piece. Like he really has a thing for stupidly priced food and announcing how overpriced it is.

The main irritating thing about his character is his overall attitude on work. His main problem with Anne Hathaway the whole movie is that she's spending too much time and energy at her new job and no longer spending it all on him. Of course we should continue to strive for work/life balance in the industry, but a chef should also be a little more understanding if his SO has to miss some things because of her job. He just seems very self centered and he loves to talk about chefy things whenever he's on screen without ever being shown actually working.

I'm a 34 year old cook. Most of the servers at my job are 18-30, with a good percentage under 25. Most of our cooks are 30+, with a number of them in their late 40s to late 50s. I grew up with a gaggle of sisters 8-16 years younger than I am, I'm the oldest, so my default mode is big brother for sure lol I've been at my job about a year now and the servers adore me. But I'm also not weird with them, I look out for them and help where I can. They are just more little sisters to me 🤣

I was recently transferred to a smaller kitchen at our facility then went on medical leave for a few weeks for surgery recovery. Right before my surgery I trained a 50 some odd year old cook how to run the station I was leaving for the other kitchen. He seemed like a cool guy in general, plenty capable.

I happened to be scheduled a shift on my old station recently and come to find out, this guy spent pretty much my entire leave bugging the servers. Asking them if they missed me, asking them why they don't like him as much as they do me, pointing out when they don't say good morning to him or smile at him, etc. The day I worked the station he was on a station nearby and even went out of his way to ask a young female server in front of me why she likes me more than him. Poor thing was giving me the help eyes as I looked on in horror. I did step in and tell him it's because I've been here a year and took the time to make friends with them and he's only been here a couple of months. It was freaking bizarre.

And really, he's not the only one. At my new kitchen, one of our other cooks who's also in his 50s being trained there was following one of our 19 year old servers around. Everywhere she went, he would appear within a few minutes. To the point that she actually yelled at him in front of everyone a couple days later to leave her alone and stop being a creep and took it to HR. We also had a cook who was recently fired that would follow girls into the walk in when they were alone and touch their shoulders or back any chance he got. This came out AFTER he was fired because they were scared of him, they just started going into the walk in in pairs to stay safer. I have assured them they can tell me if anything is happening and I will back them up if they need it.

I see this ALL THE TIME and maybe I'm just too young to understand it lol but why on earth do older cooks get so weird with really young female servers?? It's not even just this job, it's happened at all of the jobs I've had with servers and it's just so gross and unsettling.

In my experience the best things aren't on the menu, it's what the degenerates in back put together with what's on hand. For example, I worked for a Greek/Italian place and our grill guy used to make the most amazing nachos that were definitely not on the menu.

So what are you guys doing?