u/ngt_tmesuicide

Constantly for years I've been in pain with my legs just constant discomfort and a never ending ache. Recently it's gotten worse. When I was young, like around 4-5 we went to the doctors because I would wake up screaming and crying from pain. The doctor said it was growing pains. It persisted thought the years but it wasn't as constant up until recently. Sometimes it happens night after night but then it will go away for a week or two then come back full swing. It feels like someone is injecting alcohol into my bones and ripping my muscles. My joints always hurt and I've even passed out because of the pain. It feels like a nightmare. Recently it's been just constantly bad. My legs from my hips down just always hurt. They always fucking hurt. There is a heatwave rn and i have a heating pad on my knees at 170 degrees. It burns but its not as bad as the pain can get. I've taken 4 arthritis Tylenol and my sleep meds and I can't fall asleep. I'm shaking and twitching because of the Pain. I want this shit to be over and I want to feel normal. I want to take a long walk without worrying if I should bring my knee brace I want to run again, without the risk of hyperextending my knee and not being able to get up for days.

So I have been told it's just growing pains but I don't believe it. The pain is so severe and sharp and the discomfort lasts for around 5-6 hours after the severe pain ends. When it's at its worst I will pass out, throw up or just lay there unable to move. It's a sharp, burning, crushing pain from my ankles to my hips.

I started experiencing this at around 2-3 years old. I would wake up screaming because of the pain or I just wouldn't sleep. The doctors seemed to downplay it to me being dramatic but it really hurt.

To add im 17 now and I have hyper mobility and hyper extension I wear a knee and ankle brace during extended periods of time on my feet to manage the constant part of the pain. But that's just my normal and that is ok because I know how to handle it.

I really don't know what to do and I want some recommendations on what exactly I should talk to my doctor about looking into.

They just say it's growing pains but I know it's not. I knew when I was younger waking up dry heaving due to pain when I would wake up sobbing. My mother told me I was just weak. Now I'm older and I still have the pains but they slowly have moved up to my hips too. It's so painful at times. The only real reason I'm writing about this here is because nobody is awake but I can't sleep due to the pain and I can't make it down then up our steps to get something to relieve some of it. Most of my joints are just becoming so shit. It feels like they are giving out on me, they are constantly inflamed. I've passed out and thrown up at the worst of it. I'm just so tired of constantly being in pain. Constantly just wanting to feel normal and to experience a day without it. It's this deep pain that lingers and sometimes fades but when it does that I have to prepare myself for the sharp pain afterwards. It feels like my knees are being crushed. I feel so weak..

It's been a bit since I've posted on here but I need somewhere to go. I've been hearing shit again and my paranoid thoughts are coming back. I'm at the part where my head feels empty, where I tend to just look through people and zone out. I smoke bud which seems to help at times when things get too intense. But these upper episodes. Where it's obvious I have problems with my mood and I really struggle to regulate. I've been in this cycle for years now the switches can be so intense that I will randomly break down or flip out at minute things. I've been doing so well and have been so stable but I am really struggling to stay in line rn. I just kinda don't want to exist, not in a suicidal way but just numb and disconnected way. I don't feel here so why am I? My paranoia has been getting worse, to add I have OCD. I feel like I'm about to spiral and I dont know what to do. It's like reaching near the top of a rollercoaster you didn't want to ride. I'm just here.