Why the fuck do I want a boyfriend and why? 🤔
I feel like right now in my life I’m bored as fuck. Maybe I want to be manipulated or something postive. I feel like these days love isn’t much real anymore. Take the people watching love island. It’s dumb, but it’s weirdly such a nice pov to see the dating pool, and suddenly. I feel like drowning. Sadly there is no one here to save me from the bullshit I see. So I digress… I guess.
I’ve started saying yes to everything lately tbh. I feel as if saying yes will idk expand my view or whatever. It’s hard not to want to stay in the zone u deemed comfortable. Until it isn’t yk? People can withhold the truth from you, lie, cheat, and you’d never know until they told you yk? I don’t blame them for their selfishness, but it just sucks when ur on the receiving end of their temporary happiness. #Xo to all my past selves.
I think at 16 im growing a bit. Though I already feel 17. Im still a baby in many ways. Just with more autonomy, and sentience. I wonder if I was this age while making the decisions I made at like 14/15(ik reach) would I still have the people I used to know? Then again it feels like not having them in my life anymore was a blessing in itself. Who knows
So I’m 16.
I want a boyfriend, but for all the wrong reasons. I feel as if maybe I just want a friend, but I’m so complicated it feels like I need something more than that truly. It’s hard to NOT be vulnerable, and I feel taboo when I’m comfortable with a person. Though I might not want to date everyone I like. I want to possess them in a way and it’s hard to not be jealous, and anxious when they also have friends. It always feels like a favorite person situation, and it’s annoying to live with. I just want someone to want all of me even the ugly evil narcissist parts of me that I think don’t deserve it. Do you guys think I will ever find that? I am only 16, and now I’m heading into my last year of highschool. Ik I’ll get something like that because i believe… is that too predictable though? The doubt feels like it’s actually ruining my dreams. #steadfast
I (16F) have a close friend who I’ll call L. We met and over time became really close friends. We talked a lot, supported each other, and built a friendship where we trusted each other with things we usually wouldn’t tell other people.
Over time, our friendship became emotionally close. We talked about personal struggles, insecurities, our lives, and private topics. There were even conversations I would consider intimate, including sexual topics. I never viewed him as a boyfriend or wanted a relationship with him, but I did feel attached to him in a way that didn’t feel like a normal casual friendship. I liked feeling important to him and felt like I had a special place in his life.
Recently, I found out he has a girlfriend. I did not know this while we were becoming close.
He later explained that he was going through a rough patch in his relationship and wasn’t sure if they were going to stay together, but he still cared about her and was trying to work things out. He also said that during that time, some boundaries in his life became unclear, which is part of why our conversations at times became more intimate than they probably should have been in hindsight.
When I found out he had a girlfriend, I felt really hurt and confused. Not because I want him romantically, but because I feel like if I had known from the beginning, I would have made different choices about how close I became to him.
I personally don’t usually become close friends with guys who are in relationships because I feel like certain types of emotional intimacy should have stronger boundaries when someone has a partner. I feel like there were things we shared and ways he leaned on me that I wouldn’t have been comfortable with if I had known the full situation.
He apologized and said he never used me, that I’m important to him, and that he wants to keep me in his life as a close friend. He says I was never a replacement for his girlfriend and that he values our friendship.
I believe he cares about me, but I’m struggling because I feel like I didn’t get to choose the boundaries I would’ve had if I knew. Part of me feels like I was involved in something I wouldn’t have agreed to if I had the full context.
At the same time, I feel guilty because I don’t want to make his relationship about me, and I don’t want to punish him for having a girlfriend.
AIO for feeling betrayed and questioning the friendship after finding out?
Update: everyone is confused about the “intimate moments” I describe, and that is us telling each other if we were horny/him being the one to boss me around when I was idk. I’ve sent him my thighs before, and done things to get him excited. That is all
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I’m 16, and I feel like my daddy issues might just be the cause of all of my problems, and I don’t know how to fix it. I see it in so many parts of my life it’s like a feeling I cant escape and an anxiousness that my body just won’t let go. I’ve learned to chase love because that’s all I knew, and I can finally say it’s took its toll. I always say I’m not suicidal because I’m not but a little part of me wonders what I did to deserve a life like this or maybe I’m doing it to myself. Chasing my dad’s approval being nice to him idek I just want to be normal lolaoalalallel I see in how I talk to you how I talk to people I like. how I get jealous with guys who are close so easily have these connections with people that aren’t me, and i don’t know why I feel like this and I don’t know what caused all ik is that I’m just tired, and even in this I’m sad because why are these men so special to me? Are they really???
Having a fucked up dad fucks you up
Idk it’s weird not to fantasize this into a cute poem, but these issues are genuinely making me not even want to be alive atp I’m always anxious. I put my love into these older guys like that’ll replace the fucking empty I feel idek what I feel half the time I’m okay then I’m not idk it’s a lot. Having a fucked up dad fucks you up. To ur core, and ppl act like it’s just something u can heal from with ur own fucking will power lololol. I just wish I could get into therapy, and I wish that I could be vulnerable enough to admit I just want someone to say I don’t have to try to be strong with them. Life sucks, and love does too.
So… what should I do?