u/norththread

This is kind of a lot to read, but I just want to be understood one time so I can stop looping if you could please take the time to read this. I would really appreciate that. I don't expect pity or my situation to be fixed.

This was originally wrote to my family.

For context this is my 3rd year if not longer in complete isolation. I research all day every day because I still haven't found my answer and no one is coming to save me. My everyday is spent making money online / researching. I made tons of money online, but never enough to heal and I have endless bills that pile to live (just like everyone else)

I haven't been able to fall asleep since 7-10am no matter what for years on end. 75% of people with ADHD have delayed sleep phase disorder. (It's not something you beat)

I was offered a $10,000 a month job if I could wake up at 8-10am (guaranteed)

I did multiple all nighters in a row trying to fix it (4-5 days couldn't sleep each day)

I already have chronic pain. And horrible horrible sleeping issues so I lay there for hours.

Next thing you know my memory foam bed that's been hammocked and uneven for months gets to a point of pain or I can't bear.

So I buy a new mattress. It's not at all supportive enough (laying on the flat floor) but I'm like whatever i'll throw it on the frame and I'll figure it out. I just need to sleep a few days.

My frame (that's most likely actually the thing that ruined everything) destroys that bed and makes it completely uneven and unusable

Then I order another mattress after about a week or two of doing the return and getting the money back, etc.. It's a long process... and that one is AWFUL but adleast it's firm enough so I throw it on the frame right away (I had no clue the frame was doing all this)

Days later that bed gets so uneven to the point I can't even lay there a few minutes it hurts my back so bad. Ignore it and keep trying to sleep.

It's starting to get hot as hell daily (summer) and the humidity is getting crazy all this mattress money was supposed to be spent on either a dehumidifier or an air conditioner (preferably an air conditioner so I could do both)

I email all staff trying to get a new ac it's ignored.

Then I check my kitchen and there's black mold everywhere on the baseboards. I report it... they replace the sink, and this amateur has a pipe burst for hours (I used all my good towels to clean this up) but the pipe had bursted under the floor.

Now my carpet with mattresses everywhere is soaking wet and the tack strips and full of black mold aswell.

It's over 60° humidity but I read online from some dumbass that if the dew point is under 37° you are good to open your windows despite high humidity and it made some sense and I was desprate for clean air.

So I'm legit leaving my windows open for a week and 80% to 90% humidity

Next thing I know I'm waking up seeing mold EVERYWHERE on my dressers, on my carpet, on my walls, on my clothes. (keep in mind I moved into this unit mold free to heal from mold and kept it mold free for 11 months, and that's one of the biggest cause none of this needed to happen)

Now now everyday I'm looping do I get a clean ac, do I get a new bed, what do I do.

I decided to get a new bed still not knowing my frame is screwed up and it's actually a decent bed so I throw it right on the frame and try to sleep days later the same issue. Same day I spent all my last money on an air mattress that was meant for an air conditioner (so I could buy both) because I'm like if I at least get sleep, I can fix every other issue and coordinate it in the day and get that job

The air mattress is so hard and I'm laying down all the time I get a pilindinal cyst. One of the most painful things you could ever lay on because id been trying to sleep for weeks at this point going 4-5 days without sleep regularly.

I decide to sleep anyways screw it. It's so painful I start getting 2-3 hours of sleep a night but whatever adleast it's sleep.

Then because I'm laying on this air mattress all day every day it starts to get uneven just like my other beds although it's on the floor because that's just how they work.

So at this point the humidity is so high I've been needing to run my moldy AC with the window shut with mold on the carpet, mold on everything I own mold on the baseboards and my toliet starts leaking...

You can smell gases, dehydrated piss smell all day everyday all sorts of shit... thought it was just me cause I'm not getting sleep so I waited a few days and my carpet becomes increasingly wet and I'm crazy about Mohr so I sit with fans on it every day all day, scrubbing it with towels using hair dryers.

I call maintenance and they replace the wax seal and call it a day as there's tons and tons of black mold under my toliet.

Now I'm going (after a week of barely 1-2 hours a night) almost 9 days without sleep.

I say HELL NO and call western mental health and get on ambien almsot same day.

After a week or two of Ambien melatonin, Tylenol p.m. and other things, I'm sleeping either 1 hour a night or none and my cyst is getting more painful daily. I'm also cautious of the air and breathing because there's no room for the air mattress in my room unless I were to take apart my bedframe.

I finally decide to after days of not sleeping and find out that's most likely the problem after I'm now 3 mattress deep and 1 air mattress.

So I decided to call Western Mental Health for an emergency appointment and get on Seroquel... now I'm sleeping 10-16 hours a day on the painful mattress but waking up hundreds of times a night and no matter how much sleep I get I wake up unrestored. (No matter how much sleep)

So I stopped taking it for two days and I sleep three hours both times after taking tons of Ambien melatonin and Tylenol pm cause at this point I can't even smoke weed im so starving at night because of hunger loops (starving to the point of migraine every 30 mins because my brain is running on glucose and food as fuel not sleep energy)

I stop taking it 2 days sleep 3 hours and it's wayyy more restorative. But I've been getting no sleep for practically two months so I keep taking the Seroquel to force sleep

Now I'm sleeping on the uneven bed for days on end not sleeping and I do everything from pillows under it towels, whatever to try to keep it level because it's not putting as much pressure on the cyst.

Now I been up for so long grelin and leptin hunger loops are keeping me up no matter how much I eat. So I keep spending hundreds on EBT just to stop getting hunger migraines at night so i can just sleep and fix this all.

At this point, my entire family is calling me princess in the pea and doesn't believe me and the saying I'm just OCD looping.. but no one is coming to save me. I'm already super mold sick. I'm not sleeping for days on and everything's obvious. I'm telling the truth.... and it gets to a point they just shut me out for hours, don't open the door for days (already been in isolation for months and months and months) and already don't really believe my chronic pain from the start.

I start going overthere daily saying I need help I need help I can't do this alone. And my mom calls a welfare check on me cause it gets so bad. I need a shred of empathy. I tell her I cut myself so she would come over and see the situation.

She says come out I wanna hug. I look through the people and see a ton of cops. i'm humiliated because I went to school with two of these people and I know all the other cops and they know me.

Whatever I get over that... and now no matter how much ambien serquel Tylenol p.m. and ambien I take I have such a short window to sleep because I'm starving 24/7 (hunger is worse then almost any pain)

I'm in pain 24/7 already but it's exacerbated by what I'm going through and the bed x100000

I'm super inflamed and every day it makes the cyst worse and worse and I can't even find a semi comfortable position in bed.

And now I'm out of position where I haven't had restorative sleep in weeks, haven't left my house in over 12 months and before this 2 years... have missed my birthday, Easter, friends, my 10k a month job, and many other things... and I'm so mad at myself for opening the window and causing more mold I start to lose every bit of self love id ever had for myself, my relationship with God, and my trust for any of my family.

Cause at this point my entire family is denying my reality or using it against me, my brother had physically picked me up and dragged me out the house for saying I need help over and over, rumors are spreading about me having a welfare check, and the sleep I'm getting on Seroquel is less restorative than staying up multiple multiple days in a row despite sleeping till 6 PM every day 10 to 16 hours...

Now if I get off the serquel since I'm waking up at 6 PM my sleep schedule is entirely ruined and I'm gonna be on a complete night schedule not able to fix anything so every day I still have to stay up to fix my schedule and get on track.

But with delayed sleep phase disorder... or even years of the same habits you hit a second wind that keeps you up till your window (7-10am) no matter how many days you been awake, and if you fall asleep before that you will get non-restorative sleep, and wake up multiple multiple times each night, and every time I wake up, it takes me forever to fall back asleep because the bed is painful and I'm already in pain and I have a restless mind.

I start taking so much sleep medication.

Now 2 weeks in i've taken all my sleep meds, which just left me where I am now extremely un restorative sleep, no money, and no sleeping meds, can't even keep my eyes open a tiny bit at 2:19pm sleeping all day every day and everyone just thinks I'm depressed and no one's coming to save me.

What would you even do in the situation? I feel trapped in every which way.

I finally complained a ton to Amazon and they gave me $150 credit and $130 refund on the frame and I have $100 bucks to my name.

So at this point I've spent most my EBT, all my money, not sleeping whatsoever, basically on a complete night schedule talking to hotlines all night every night, and feel completely powerless well everyone's denying my reality and telling me I'm dramatic.

This whole entire time I've held my faith and not blamed God once but why did I have to lose everything all this trauma with my family that never needed to happen? I lost the perfect job. I lost the perfect department. That's right next to family right next to friends on a golf course and then the only area of town that's not depressing cause it's full of greenery.

The only solution I can think of is buy a new frame and buy a new mattress but that sucks because I'm just moving it into a moldy area while using a moldy AC and this will be my fourth mattress and 3rd frame (I moved with one but bought a new one because I lost the screws whilst moving apartments.

Imagine going through that and nobody believes you every once deny your reality telling you, your actual physical pain isn't real it's paradoxical insomnia and you're sleeping. You just don't remember and you're just like princess in the pea.

If you have a better solution, let me know.

The only thing I could think of is getting an apartment somewhere else, but then all that happened for no reason because what do I do just move everything moldy in there and contaminate that place? What an impossible situation to be in.

I'm cornered in 2 months of basically no rem sleep, chronic pain no support system, being denied of my pain, days of complete complete isolation, a pilidinal cyst, no ability to get control back, and I call my grandma to pray for me saying I wish I could get my power back. I don't know why God's feeling this and she gives me the whole spiel about how God never leaves and you just want power over God, I'm not gonna keep picking up these calls, the only thing keeping me sane and happy was my looks.. now I've dropped a ton of weight from 156 to 127 massive eye bags and my teeth are DESTROYED from eating every 30 minutes and brushing right after and when I tried to not brush after it got even worse because my mom was saying it's cause you're brushing right after which she's right about, and not a singular pain free place to lay my head at at times.

This is kind of a lot to read, but I just want to be understood one time so I can stop looping if you could please take the time to read this. I would really appreciate that. I don't expect pity or my situation to be fixed.

But if you'd love me enough to please adleast read this all without skimming it because trust me I am tired of being a victim and just wanna understood so I can stop dragging you guys into my crisis.

For context this is my 3rd year if not longer in complete isolation. I research all day every day because I still haven't found my answer and no one is coming to save me. My everyday is spent making money online / researching. I made tons of money online, but never enough to heal and I have endless bills that pile to live (just like everyone else)

I haven't been able to fall asleep since 7-10am no matter what for years on end. 75% of people with ADHD have delayed sleep phase disorder. (It's not something you beat)

I was offered a $10,000 a month job if I could wake up at 8-10am (guaranteed)

I did multiple all nighters in a row trying to fix it (4-5 days couldn't sleep each day)

I already have chronic pain. And horrible horrible sleeping issues so I lay there for hours.

Next thing you know my memory foam bed that's been hammocked and uneven for months gets to a point of pain or I can't bear.

So I buy a new mattress. It's not at all supportive enough (laying on the flat floor) but I'm like whatever i'll throw it on the frame and I'll figure it out. I just need to sleep a few days.

My frame (that's most likely actually the thing that ruined everything) destroys that bed and makes it completely uneven and unusable

Then I order another mattress after about a week or two of doing the return and getting the money back, etc.. It's a long process... and that one is AWFUL but adleast it's firm enough so I throw it on the frame right away (I had no clue the frame was doing all this)

Days later that bed gets so uneven to the point I can't even lay there a few minutes it hurts my back so bad. Ignore it and keep trying to sleep.

It's starting to get hot as hell daily (summer) and the humidity is getting crazy all this mattress money was supposed to be spent on either a dehumidifier or an air conditioner (preferably an air conditioner so I could do both)

I email all staff trying to get a new ac it's ignored.

Then I check my kitchen and there's black mold everywhere on the baseboards. I report it... they replace the sink, and this amateur has a pipe burst for hours (I used all my good towels to clean this up) but the pipe had bursted under the floor.

Now my carpet with mattresses everywhere is soaking wet and the tack strips and full of black mold aswell.

It's over 60° humidity but I read online from some dumbass that if the dew point is under 37° you are good to open your windows despite high humidity and it made some sense and I was desprate for clean air.

So I'm legit leaving my windows open for a week and 80% to 90% humidity

Next thing I know I'm waking up seeing mold EVERYWHERE on my dressers, on my carpet, on my walls, on my clothes. (keep in mind I moved into this unit mold free to heal from mold and kept it mold free for 11 months, and that's one of the biggest cause none of this needed to happen)

Now now everyday I'm looping do I get a clean ac, do I get a new bed, what do I do.

I decided to get a new bed still not knowing my frame is screwed up and it's actually a decent bed so I throw it right on the frame and try to sleep days later the same issue. Same day I spent all my last money on an air mattress that was meant for an air conditioner (so I could buy both) because I'm like if I at least get sleep, I can fix every other issue and coordinate it in the day and get that job

The air mattress is so hard and I'm laying down all the time I get a pilindinal cyst. One of the most painful things you could ever lay on because id been trying to sleep for weeks at this point going 4-5 days without sleep regularly.

I decide to sleep anyways screw it. It's so painful I start getting 2-3 hours of sleep a night but whatever adleast it's sleep.

Then because I'm laying on this air mattress all day every day it starts to get uneven just like my other beds although it's on the floor because that's just how they work.

So at this point the humidity is so high I've been needing to run my moldy AC with the window shut with mold on the carpet, mold on everything I own mold on the baseboards and my toliet starts leaking...

You can smell gases, dehydrated piss smell all day everyday all sorts of shit... thought it was just me cause I'm not getting sleep so I waited a few days and my carpet becomes increasingly wet and I'm crazy about Mohr so I sit with fans on it every day all day, scrubbing it with towels using hair dryers.

I call maintenance and they replace the wax seal and call it a day as there's tons and tons of black mold under my toliet.

Now I'm going (after a week of barely 1-2 hours a night) almost 9 days without sleep.

I say HELL NO and call western mental health and get on ambien almsot same day.

After a week or two of Ambien melatonin, Tylenol p.m. and other things, I'm sleeping either 1 hour a night or none and my cyst is getting more painful daily. I'm also cautious of the air and breathing because there's no room for the air mattress in my room unless I were to take apart my bedframe.

I finally decide to after days of not sleeping and find out that's most likely the problem after I'm now 3 mattress deep and 1 air mattress.

So I decided to call Western Mental Health for an emergency appointment and get on Seroquel... now I'm sleeping 10-16 hours a day on the painful mattress but waking up hundreds of times a night and no matter how much sleep I get I wake up unrestored. (No matter how much sleep)

So I stopped taking it for two days and I sleep three hours both times after taking tons of Ambien melatonin and Tylenol pm cause at this point I can't even smoke weed im so starving at night because of hunger loops (starving to the point of migraine every 30 mins because my brain is running on glucose and food as fuel not sleep energy)

I stop taking it 2 days sleep 3 hours and it's wayyy more restorative. But I've been getting no sleep for practically two months so I keep taking the Seroquel to force sleep

Now I'm sleeping on the uneven bed for days on end not sleeping and I do everything from pillows under it towels, whatever to try to keep it level because it's not putting as much pressure on the cyst.

Now I been up for so long grelin and leptin hunger loops are keeping me up no matter how much I eat. So I keep spending hundreds on EBT just to stop getting hunger migraines at night so i can just sleep and fix this all.

At this point, my entire family is calling me princess in the pea and doesn't believe me and the saying I'm just OCD looping.. but no one is coming to save me. I'm already super mold sick. I'm not sleeping for days on and everything's obvious. I'm telling the truth.... and it gets to a point they just shut me out for hours, don't open the door for days (already been in isolation for months and months and months) and already don't really believe my chronic pain from the start.

I start going overthere daily saying I need help I need help I can't do this alone. And my mom calls a welfare check on me cause it gets so bad. I need a shred of empathy. I tell her I cut myself so she would come over and see the situation.

She says come out I wanna hug. I look through the people and see a ton of cops. i'm humiliated because I went to school with two of these people and I know all the other cops and they know me.

Whatever I get over that... and now no matter how much ambien serquel Tylenol p.m. and ambien I take I have such a short window to sleep because I'm starving 24/7 (hunger is worse then almost any pain)

I'm in pain 24/7 already but it's exacerbated by what I'm going through and the bed x100000

I'm super inflamed and every day it makes the cyst worse and worse and I can't even find a semi comfortable position in bed.

And now I'm out of position where I haven't had restorative sleep in weeks, haven't left my house in over 12 months and before this 2 years... have missed my birthday, Easter, friends, my 10k a month job, and many other things... and I'm so mad at myself for opening the window and causing more mold I start to lose every bit of self love id ever had for myself, my relationship with God, and my trust for any of my family.

Cause at this point my entire family is denying my reality or using it against me, my brother had physically picked me up and dragged me out the house for saying I need help over and over, rumors are spreading about me having a welfare check, and the sleep I'm getting on Seroquel is less restorative than staying up multiple multiple days in a row despite sleeping till 6 PM every day 10 to 16 hours...

Now if I get off the serquel since I'm waking up at 6 PM my sleep schedule is entirely ruined and I'm gonna be on a complete night schedule not able to fix anything so every day I still have to stay up to fix my schedule and get on track.

But with delayed sleep phase disorder... or even years of the same habits you hit a second wind that keeps you up till your window (7-10am) no matter how many days you been awake, and if you fall asleep before that you will get non-restorative sleep, and wake up multiple multiple times each night, and every time I wake up, it takes me forever to fall back asleep because the bed is painful and I'm already in pain and I have a restless mind.

I start taking so much sleep medication.

Now 2 weeks in i've taken all my sleep meds, which just left me where I am now extremely un restorative sleep, no money, and no sleeping meds, can't even keep my eyes open a tiny bit at 2:19pm sleeping all day every day and everyone just thinks I'm depressed and no one's coming to save me.

What would you even do in the situation? I feel trapped in every which way.

I finally complained a ton to Amazon and they gave me $150 credit and $130 refund on the frame and I have $100 bucks to my name.

So at this point I've spent most my EBT, all my money, not sleeping whatsoever, basically on a complete night schedule talking to hotlines all night every night, and feel completely powerless well everyone's denying my reality and telling me I'm dramatic.

This whole entire time I've held my faith and not blamed God once but why did I have to lose everything all this trauma with my family that never needed to happen? I lost the perfect job. I lost the perfect department. That's right next to family right next to friends on a golf course and then the only area of town that's not depressing cause it's full of greenery.

The only solution I can think of is buy a new frame and buy a new mattress but that sucks because I'm just moving it into a moldy area while using a moldy AC and this will be my fourth mattress and 3rd frame (I moved with one but bought a new one because I lost the screws whilst moving apartments.

Imagine going through that and nobody believes you every once deny your reality telling you, your actual physical pain isn't real it's paradoxical insomnia and you're sleeping. You just don't remember and you're just like princess in the pea.

If you have a better solution, let me know.

The only thing I could think of is getting an apartment somewhere else, but then all that happened for no reason because what do I do just move everything moldy in there and contaminate that place? What an impossible situation to be in.

I'm cornered in 2 months of basically no rem sleep, chronic pain no support system, being denied of my pain, days of complete complete isolation, a pilidinal cyst, no ability to get control back, and I call my grandma to pray for me saying I wish I could get my power back. I don't know why God's feeling this and she gives me the whole spiel about how God never leaves and you just want power over God, I'm not gonna keep picking up these calls, the only thing keeping me sane and happy was my looks.. now I've dropped a ton of weight from 156 to 127 massive eye bags and my teeth are DESTROYED from eating every 30 minutes and brushing right after and when I tried to not brush after it got even worse because my mom was saying it's cause you're brushing right after which she's right about, and not a singular pain free place to lay my head at at times.

This is a genuine question.

Was watching an interview and he says he goes to bed at 6:30 AM and wake up at 2:30pm every day. Kinda wild !

Anyone else?

Taking multiple ambien, Tylenol PM, melatonin, trazadone, and serquel. Maybe I'm a different beast... but is this condition really that strong?!! I've done hundreds of all nighters trying to fix this over the course of months/years.

I am so alone in my illness. I need supportive comments if possible.

I'm thinking about just spending the last of my money on testing to at least prove to everyone I have it cause testing doesn't lie. I have a great Plains mycotoxin test and I'm thinking about taking a blood antibodies test from mymycolab. I feel like if I have proof, I can dance around with it anywhere. I don't know why I didn't get this done so much sooner. Can anyone relate?

I'm very very very low on money, but if it's the key to everything, I'll do it. I've spent over six years, convincing people. I have mold illness. I never could afford testing till now.

It's never enough. And how would it be if no one's coming to save me?

I have chronic illness and nobody is coming to save me. It's been years of this.

I seriously need answers.

I have endless proof of pain. I've moved across the country to live with people from this subreddit. I dropped out of school for doctors appointments. What do you even do at this point? My support system is absolutely zlitch.

Why do the people who love you deny your reality?

I would legit do anything to stop going to bed at 8am and rather wake up at this time.

I've been severely ill from mold for years. I have to throw away everything I own.

I have to throw away everything and restart for the 3rd time. Neighbor had massives leaks from pipe bursts.