u/nxdxgwen

I screwed up and got a DWI. I need a good affordable lawyer. I talked to one this morning but upon further investigation he had domestic violence charges against him and I dont want to hire someone that has DV charges. This is a very stressful situation for me and I am very ashamed. I also would like someone somewhat affordable as we are on a tight budget and its a large expense. He quoted me 3,500 which seems like the going rate. Any recs are much appreciated. Thank you.

I have struggled with being sober. I had gone almost a year without drinking and my second year of sobriety was really hard. I went mostly without it but then I started falling back into the bad habits. I was sneaking drinks and trying to hide it from my partner and everyone. Lying about being sober. Making everyone believe I was sober and on a good path. I was in a dark place when I finally stopped two years ago and was getting on a better path. I got a job and recently got promoted. I had saved so so so much money because we are going to Disney World in a few weeks and I saved money for my family. I was taking classes at the local community college and that just ended. I also have an online store that I have built up to be a passive income. And on Monday I screwed everything up royally. The main stressor is that my last living grandparent is in the hospital having problems with a blocked intestine. She fell in her house with terrible pain and luckily she is sharp enough call 911 and was hospitalized. It seemed as if she was going to pass away. I had a horrible feeling and so did my dad. My dad and his brother are there thank god and everything is taken care of. Apparently she is doing better but I still felt very stressed out from it. My partner and I live together but she broke up with me because of my drinking. That is really what made me stop two years ago but it slowly started to get bad again. And I was sneaking and hiding it. My house is a constant disaster because my partner does not know how to clean and it all falls on me to do. And I just dont have the time it takes to do it. I work retail and with school and my other job I just dont have the time. Every weekend has been taken up by work or some other obligation. My partner is home on the weekends and just sits around playing Warcraft. My birthday was a little over a week ago and my friend and I had a big plan to go to a little town nearby and have lunch and do some shopping. She canceled on me that morning which I knew she would because she always cancels plans and it was not surprising but it made me angry with her because Im pretty sure she was lying about it so she didnt have to go do this because she just didnt feel like it that day. I hate being lied to. I dont even want to talk to her right now because she always pulls this shit and thats not being a good friend. Anywho, I decided I was going to go have my "fun day" I got up and left early. I went to a thrift store (I sell vintage kids clothes online) and I headed to the small town. I sat by the river and journaled. I walked around and chatted with some people. And then I made a bad choice. I went to sit at the bar and got a beer. And I am a binge drinker. I thought I could have one but I cant. One turned into 2. 2 turned into i dont know how many. At least 8 or 9. I ate a salad. I paid and decided to go make even more bad decisions. I went shopping around and spent IDK how much on my credit card. Drunk shopping. I dont need anything. I have an over abundance of everything because I have a shopping addiction. I bought a bunch of junk I did not need. An overpriced purse, glass figures, a notebook, candy and some jewelry. And then I made an even worse desicion. I got in my car and drove. I should have hung out a little more, let it wear off a little, I didnt even go to my favorite place there. (The church which is gorgeous) I just wanted to get home. And I bought more beer and poured them while driving home. I was wasted. I admit it. I was shoving in peanut butter cups and drinking and not paying attention. At all. I just wanted to get home and give my partner the dish towel I bought her. I was flying high. I finally had my "fun day" and was on top of the world. And then I saw a cop behind me. I dont know how long he was there. I didnt even think I was getting pulled over. SO I pulled over. Two empty beer cans in full view. I tried to deny it. Showed him my shopping bags. Said I ate a salad and was on my way home. He did a field test. Which I failed miserably. The next thing I knew I was arrested and taken to jail. I could not stop crying. I sobbed for hours. Jail was absolutely horrible. Scary people everywhere, the guards were so so so so nasty even if I tried to be polite, A concrete bed, no TP, treated like an animal instead of a human.I couldnt sleep because the gusrds were so fucking loud and kept laughing and yelling. And the noise echoed down the hallway.I think I drifted off once or twice but I would keep getting woken up by laughing and yelling. I never want to go there again. They towed my car and it cost me $550 to get it back. My Disney money just gone down the toilet (well some of it) Absolutely disgusting price to get my car back. They have some nerve to charge that much for a quick tow and letting my car just sit there doing nothing. And they refused to take my card so I spent my entire morning trying to get cash and had to get one of my friends to help me out all while I kept crying and feeling like an absolute piece of shit. I am so ashamed of myself. I have been doing so good. I thought things were going so good. Disney World has been my one thing getting me through. I have been focusing on the donut not the hole. And I made an absolutely stupid and terrible decision. I am so ashamed and embarrassed and I cant tell my family because they think I have been sober for awhile now and I cant let them think Im not. I have not been drinking in front of them to keep up the facade. And really I go days without drinking months even but the second I feel stress or something stressful happens my first instinct is to drink. And I fell back into it and now I am screwed. I am going to have to pay so much money, probably be on probation, hopefully avoid jail time and deal with this shit for an entire year of my life. Everything was going so good. I was so proud of myself for everything I was doing. And I let stress get in the way. I take full responsibility for my actions here. This is all my fault and I recognize that. I am just so ashamed and embarrased. All because I Wanted to have a fun day and screw off. I will now pay the price for this "fun day" I need help for my alcoholism and I dont know how to get help. AA is not for me. I get that it helps a lot of people and its great for some but it was horrible for me when I got in trouble when I Was younger. I was preyed on as a young stupid person and it ruined me inside. Its part of why I am so screwed up now. I dont want to feel this fucking pain anymore. And I do have a therapist, I have done a TON of work on myself and have healed some major trauma. This is bringing all that trauma back up again. I have finally accepted some things I needed to accept and thought I Was doing better. And I ruined everything just for some dopamine hits and fun. I am so disgusted with myself. Im glad I didnt hurt anyone else. Im glad I was stopped because this is a huge wakeup call. But I cant get over the shame and embarrassment. Im exhausted.

I have struggled with being sober. I had gone almost a year without drinking and my second year of sobriety was really hard. I went mostly without it but then I started falling back into the bad habits. I was sneaking drinks and trying to hide it from my partner and everyone. Lying about being sober. Making everyone believe I was sober and on a good path. I was in a dark place when I finally stopped two years ago and was getting on a better path. I got a job and recently got promoted. I had saved so so so much money because we are going to Disney World in a few weeks and I saved money for my family. I was taking classes at the local community college and that just ended. I also have an online store that I have built up to be a passive income. And on Monday I screwed everything up royally. The main stressor is that my last living grandparent is in the hospital having problems with a blocked intestine. She fell in her house with terrible pain and luckily she is sharp enough call 911 and was hospitalized. It seemed as if she was going to pass away. I had a horrible feeling and so did my dad. My dad and his brother are there thank god and everything is taken care of. Apparently she is doing better but I still felt very stressed out from it. My partner and I live together but she broke up with me because of my drinking. That is really what made me stop two years ago but it slowly started to get bad again. And I was sneaking and hiding it. My house is a constant disaster because my partner does not know how to clean and it all falls on me to do. And I just dont have the time it takes to do it. I work retail and with school and my other job I just dont have the time. Every weekend has been taken up by work or some other obligation. My partner is home on the weekends and just sits around playing Warcraft. My birthday was a little over a week ago and my friend and I had a big plan to go to a little town nearby and have lunch and do some shopping. She canceled on me that morning which I knew she would because she always cancels plans and it was not surprising but it made me angry with her because Im pretty sure she was lying about it so she didnt have to go do this because she just didnt feel like it that day. I hate being lied to. I dont even want to talk to her right now because she always pulls this shit and thats not being a good friend. Anywho, I decided I was going to go have my "fun day" I got up and left early. I went to a thrift store (I sell vintage kids clothes online) and I headed to the small town. I sat by the river and journaled. I walked around and chatted with some people. And then I made a bad choice. I went to sit at the bar and got a beer. And I am a binge drinker. I thought I could have one but I cant. One turned into 2. 2 turned into i dont know how many. At least 8 or 9. I ate a salad. I paid and decided to go make even more bad decisions. I went shopping around and spent IDK how much on my credit card. Drunk shopping. I dont need anything. I have an over abundance of everything because I have a shopping addiction. I bought a bunch of junk I did not need. An overpriced purse, glass figures, a notebook, candy and some jewelry. And then I made an even worse desicion. I got in my car and drove. I should have hung out a little more, let it wear off a little, I didnt even go to my favorite place there. (The church which is gorgeous) I just wanted to get home. And I bought more beer and poured them while driving home. I was wasted. I admit it. I was shoving in peanut butter cups and drinking and not paying attention. At all. I just wanted to get home and give my partner the dish towel I bought her. I was flying high. I finally had my "fun day" and was on top of the world. And then I saw a cop behind me. I dont know how long he was there. I didnt even think I was getting pulled over. SO I pulled over. Two empty beer cans in full view. I tried to deny it. Showed him my shopping bags. Said I ate a salad and was on my way home. He did a field test. Which I failed miserably. The next thing I knew I was arrested and taken to jail. I could not stop crying. I sobbed for hours. Jail was absolutely horrible. Scary people everywhere, the guards were so so so so nasty even if I tried to be polite, A concrete bed, no TP, treated like an animal instead of a human.I couldnt sleep because the gusrds were so fucking loud and kept laughing and yelling. And the noise echoed down the hallway.I think I drifted off once or twice but I would keep getting woken up by laughing and yelling. I never want to go there again. They towed my car and it cost me $550 to get it back. My Disney money just gone down the toilet (well some of it) Absolutely disgusting price to get my car back. They have some nerve to charge that much for a quick tow and letting my car just sit there doing nothing. And they refused to take my card so I spent my entire morning trying to get cash and had to get one of my friends to help me out all while I kept crying and feeling like an absolute piece of shit. I am so ashamed of myself. I have been doing so good. I thought things were going so good. Disney World has been my one thing getting me through. I have been focusing on the donut not the hole. And I made an absolutely stupid and terrible decision. I am so ashamed and embarrassed and I cant tell my family because they think I have been sober for awhile now and I cant let them think Im not. I have not been drinking in front of them to keep up the facade. And really I go days without drinking months even but the second I feel stress or something stressful happens my first instinct is to drink. And I fell back into it and now I am screwed. I am going to have to pay so much money, probably be on probation, hopefully avoid jail time and deal with this shit for an entire year of my life. Everything was going so good. I was so proud of myself for everything I was doing. And I let stress get in the way. I take full responsibility for my actions here. This is all my fault and I recognize that. I am just so ashamed and embarrased. All because I Wanted to have a fun day and screw off. I will now pay the price for this "fun day" I need help for my alcoholism and I dont know how to get help. AA is not for me. I get that it helps a lot of people and its great for some but it was horrible for me when I got in trouble when I Was younger. I was preyed on as a young stupid person and it ruined me inside. Its part of why I am so screwed up now. I dont want to feel this fucking pain anymore. And I do have a therapist, I have done a TON of work on myself and have healed some major trauma. This is bringing all that trauma back up again. I have finally accepted some things I needed to accept and thought I Was doing better. And I ruined everything just for some dopamine hits and fun. I am so disgusted with myself. Im glad I didnt hurt anyone else. Im glad I was stopped because this is a huge wakeup call. But I cant get over the shame and embarrassment. Im exhausted.

Anyone else in their early 40s and still getting periods but worse than ever? I went to the gyno to talk about stopping the bleeding. I Wanted an ablation but she didnt want to do that because there are risks and its harder to detect cancer. Ok fine. So she suggests the pill. I have had absolutely horrid reactions to taking any form of pill birth control. So thats a no from me. She suggested an IUD but if she couldnt get it just right in there she wouldnt place it and it would be a whole thing. Ive also heard massive horror stories from those so I am really hesitant to get one. My periods are psychotic. Some months its lighter some are like a massive murder scene in a horror movie. My moods are out of control. The doctor told me at this phase of life its like "PMS on steroids" Leading up to my period the past two weeks, I freaked the fuck out on one of my friends (to be fair he kinda deserved it...lonnnnggg story) and have been irritable and angry with my kid and partner. Mostly my partner but kid is around and she doesnt deserve that. And we come to today. Period started yesterday at work. Yay. I Was actually in a good mood because I might be getting a promotion at work and things are going well there. Its a retail job but its worked out pretty good and its close and I am grateful for the job because I know the market absolutely sucks ass right now. I went for my walk this morning (forced myself to go but I did it and it was lovely) I am taking classes at the community college and this is my last week. And all day I just could not find it in me to do this last assignment or do anything at all. I have felt this sense of doom or dread and cant focus on anything. I feel icky. I feel angry. I want to cry over nothing. I am irritated by my child eating dinner and making noise. I just feel blah. And I guess thats ok sometimes but I wasted my entire day off doing fuck all. Ok I did a load of dishes and wrote my friend a letter and did some school stuff that I needed to finish. But Ive mostly just wasted my day looking at the phone and reddit. And now I feel so guilty for wasting my day. But I just mentally felt so blah. Does any one else experience this? Any tips to feel better? Im blaming hormones for this. I Cant wait for this to end. Hopefully it will be gone by this weekend so I can celebrate mothers day and my birthday on Monday. Send cookies please. I think my bed is calling now...