u/nzlotrfan

I've assumed these last few years that this is an infj thing, but I'm curious as to whether maybe it's not. I find I do this with friendships and when I'm dating someone. When I want to share about something personal, I will share like a teaser sentence and gauge the other person's reaction. For example "so one of my most favourite music performing moments was when I performed at such and such event" And then based on how they respond it will determine how much I share. And what I find is that more often than not, people will not enquire further like I'm often waiting to see whether they will ask me more about it or not, but I find most people just go: "Wow, that's so cool" and then move on or proceed to some other conversation topic. And in my mind I conclude therefore that they don't really have an interest in me. One day a friend of mine said he finds that annoying in that he would rather I just say what's on my mind and if they want to tell him all about the said topic he would rather I just say it. And I remember telling him that I don't want to share about something if I sense that the other person isn't really interested because then I'm just awkwardly forcing them to listen to a story or conversation that they didn't really want to hear about. And then I would feel like I'm perhaps oversharing. Even then I have tried to just share anyway despite the lack of enquiry from the other person, and it feels super forced and unpleasant.

I almost think I need to lower my expectations (which I feel like I have actually) but then I feel like I'm settling when I experience it again in the moment you know. I honestly feel like I'm often in an impossible situation, which is challenging because I really long to be married and have kids, but it seems so unlikely and far off from being a plausible reality.

Someone made the comment today that you never know with tenants, whether they'll end up destroying your house or not. I don't own any rental properties. But I do rent out two rooms in my house. And I couldn't help but think when I heard that comment that I'm pretty sure many landlords are foolish and don't really understand who they're letting into their house. Because of the years I've rented out rooms I am super particular about who I will allow to live with me and it's usually worked out pretty well (maybe some weren't as good at tidying after themselves but still overall alright)... I do my best to get to know the person when they view the house for the first time and can pretty quickly pick up a vibe. I guess I treat that first interaction almost like a date lol, not too intensly but somewhat you know? And so I was curious, is this my INFJ-ness at work and do other INFJs also find they consistently pick good flatmates?

Hi all,

So as of last month it has been 5 years since I left SCJ in New Zealand. I've been feeling a little bit reflective lately due to the ocassion and so thought I'd write a post. The name I used to go by here was u/GlitteringIce9, and I found this subreddit in 2020 as doubts were beginning to seriously take form in my mind. I ended up leaving in 2021 after a long journey. Why? Doctrine issues which I tried for quite sometime to seek answers and clarifaction on to no avail. I remember the fears that had been drilled into me by that point; that those who leave life would basically suck because God would no longer be with me. In some ways I've proven that wrong (that life would suck), in other ways, well, it is a work in progress.

I was fortunate enough to leave at a time when a few of my other SCJ friend were also doubting/leaving so there was a small community of us "leavers" throughout 2021/2022. Included in that was my Centre Review Teacher, as well as the two fruits I had recruited. After leaving I remember wondering whether I was just a bad fruit and that's why I left seeing as my own fruits and review teacher also left. Especially considering that throughout my time in SCJ whilst I was sincere in my beliefs and my actions, sometimes I would rebell secretly doing things that I wanted to do. (Although I am secretly proud that one of those fruits went on to create that SCJ document/videos pinned to this reddit page).

The good: Immediately after leaving I returned to study and retrained in IT and managed to get a good job which I hold to this day - I also made new friends outside of my cult-life. My family was sympathic to my ordeal, and my mum helped me to buy my first house. I've also had the priviledge to share a bit about my story at local church events and with others who were doubting. In other persona life I tried seriously dating again since about 2 years ago (as relationships were a no-no during my time at SCJ) and that has been a growing experience. It hasn't been as straight-forward as I had hoped but I remain optimistic.

The work in progress: my spiritual life has not fully recovered. I used to read stories on here about how some people just jumped straight back into their previous church or religion. Unfortunately, while I tried at first I was unable to. I guess having been so "deep" into SCJ doctrines (my biggest duty was being a review teacher for centre classes), I found it difficult to "go back to Babylon" primarily because many of SCJ's doctrines I still held to be true and I was unable to reconcile them with mainstream Christianity. This was made especially difficult due to "normal" Christians just being so unfamilliar with SCJ doctrines. And so I abandonded my pursuit of faith and God for a few years. However, I managed to make a Christian friend about 2-3 years back - funnily enough from Bumble for friends - and over the next two years he was probably my primary Christian influence. Eventually he invited me to his church (Auckland EV) which was extremely confronting. But, less confronting than some other churches I had visited on occassion by myself since leaving. After a rocky breakup with someone at the start of 2025 I had a bit of a breaking point realising that I have to change my trajectory, even if I still don't fully understand the path forward, it is better to take a step forward than to remain stagnent. And so since mid last year I began to attend church more regularly even if it was quite unsettling at times. I didn't go every week, heck even going once a month was sometimes hard, but over time it got easier. And so I am glad to say that I am somewhat regularly attending and even reading my Bible again (I ended up buying a different translation and shelving my 1984 NIV - I recommend this esp if you've lots of highlighting from your SCJ days), praying somewhat regularly, and meeting regularly with a guy from a uni Christian org. Once you find people who "get" your story - hold onto those people. Not everyone understands what it is like to be in a high-control group like SCJ and you can feel quite belittled after speaking with some Christians.

I still think about SCJ ocassionally. For a long time I would mourn the loss of friendships and the certainty/purpose I had. Call me a sentimentalist but I dearly miss many of my SCJ friends whom I shared so much of my life with at that time. And for most of them to have blocked me, it still cuts a bit. Even though I have managed to emotionally move-on a lot from them, I do still think and pray for them... knowing that one day they will eventually leave.

So yeah, things are certainly better than where they were when I left. Even better than a year ago. Maybe this whole cult experience is for some greater purpose? Even if just to share in a brief story to somebody someday who needs to hear it for their own journey. It seems perhaps belittling to say that, but it's the only thing I can reason for why all all of this took place.

Anyway, I sincerely hope that y'all are keeping well:) hopefully I'll be sorted by my 10 year check-in!~

Hi all,

Someone signed up to the AAdvantage programe 2 years ago using my Dad's email address. For reference, we have nothing to do with America - we live in New Zealand. For the past 2 years he has been receiving emails from AA about (albeit not too frequently) about flight reservations and such. I've tried calling their customer service and they have not done anything saying that only the actual customer can change the email address on the account so my dad continutes to receive this person's reservation emails. Appreciate if anyone from AA can please call the customer and tell them they have the wrong email address on their account so my dad stops getting these emails. Thanks,

https://preview.redd.it/wifs0ivj463h1.png?width=2972&format=png&auto=webp&s=b4000c757a2b75f500ba4c5f133da60817984bc9