u/ohgod_ohgeez

Every post on socials has his face, think I've been on... 2 posts? Maybe? every comment from strangers and friends are about him, every time I want to put in more work mixing, recording, or talking to other bands, I get met w "oh, yea.. for sure" or he "forgets" or only works on things after I go to bed (we live together)

My bass guitar skills are so so but I have years of musical experience,, ik he's got more expertise in this specific area of music but even when I start noodling or try to add smt other than root notes he'll stop playing and tell me the chords like I didn't already know.

I moved in w him to prove this is the life I want. We both want to make something out of our music. Yet all the glory is his.

I dont want to be center stage w my name on the flyers or whatever, I just want to feel like this is MY band too, and right now I just feel like a lackey following him around.

He started the band and ik how precious it is to him but this is a team effort here. I feel like a tool. Just there bc he can't be in 2 places at once.

Ive explained this to him twice and both times I get an "aww, no! This is ur band too<3" and thats it

...then why doesn't it feel like it? Why does every effort i end up going nowhere?

What do I say? What do I do? Im so at a loss with this feeling.

I tried so hard to protect you but I still ended up hurting you the same way he did. I think about it and regret it every day since you left us 4 years ago.

I wish we could have a do over just me and you.

I love you.

I miss you.

We have a 3 bedroom house between the 2 of us (soon to be 3) and I, nearly every week on my day off bar except the occasional bedrot moments, clean everything; sweep, mop, windows, toilets, dusting, all of it.

I really dont mind bc I like the routine, but when I try to tell my friend I'd like them to do more than just the occasional dishes or decluttering our main table they insist they clean as much as I do. But I would know bc I clean the entire house every week, it's obvious when its been looked after daily and when it hasn't.

They also give me excuses like

"I like to spend my free time working on my hobbies"

"Its normal to have clutter"

Or

"Ive lived in places way worse than this, this is fine"

Its not that they NEVER clean, its that if I dont stay on top of things regularly it gets bad fast, which means im doing most the work here.

How do I get them to understand? They are so insistent its fine and that they clean enough.

But the toilet literally gets covered w piss (they stand but I dont so i wonder who's doing that??)

The sink and trash will start to smell, the floor is so unswept u have to wear socks or shoes, and the bathtub will get so gross its slimy unless I clean it weekly.

Idk how to get thru to them. Do I start a chore chart? Do I just cross my fingers and hope for the best? Idk anymore

Edit: We've been living together for 7 months and moving out is not an option for many reasons. I love them as a person I just want them to not attract anymore mice in our home (yes, we did have mice bc of food left out until I bought the traps for them).

I want to compromise but I dont know how

So I live with my best friend and long story short this morning he came to wake me up and saw I was crying. He comforted me the best he could but all I could manage to explain was that I felt lonely.

He then left for work and found me still in bed 5 hours later but convinced me to get up and get ready for an event we were going to so I hopped in the shower.

It was not a good time.

I relapsed (sh) in the shower (he doesn't know that) and all I could do to calm down was to reassure myself he'd be out there and we could chat before we left. Even just something to get my mind off things.

Well I get out and go into my room and all I could hear was him and his gf LOUDLY fucking.

I spiraled even worse.

How do u comfort your crying best friend whos upset about how lonely they are, convince them its worth it to get out of bed, and then proceed to loudly have sex knowing they'd be in the room across the hall.

Like???

Im just so peeved idk even know how to react. Why THEN of all times? Why would his reaction to me sobbing all day is to go have sex??? He really couldn't have kept it in his pants long enough for me to not hear it while actively having a meltdown??

Idk. Sex is natural. Maybe im just jealous bc im so goddamn lonely. Am I thinking too much about this??