u/one_small_sunflower

(Australia, btw🦘)

"ENM"
"Married and not looking to change my situation"
"Discreet"
"Not a ONS, not a boyfriend/girlfriend situation, but something in between"
"Let's enjoy each other without the relationship scripts"
"Just recently become ENM"
"Something casual and ongoing"
"I've just come out the end of a divorce"
"FWB friendship (not after a relationship)"
"In a relationship that has become open somewhat recently"

😂😂 As a classic Australian movie says, "Tell him he's dreaming."

There are, to be fair, a few bright sparks amongst the gloom. But they are not in my age range, so they do not count. Therefore...

No, thank you.

NO, THANK YOU.

No. Just no.

DEFINITELY NO.

I am saddling up the horse of no and riding on out of here. My horse says NEIGH, by the way.

Why would I get out of bed for this?? What do these men think they are offering? Why would a peen plus nothing else be a good deal for me?

Depressingly, there is a part of me that appreciates the honesty. I'm mostly used to guys dangling the relationship carrot in front of me when what they really want is commitment free-sex and emotional support. I'm also used to guys being married/in relationships and lying about it.

Last guy waited until I was straddling him (with clothes on fortunately) to tell me he was actually in the process of reconciling with the wife he'd previously told me he had divorced a few years ago. They were now looking to "explore ENM together". Yet when pressed, she had not actually given him permission to sleep with other women. I un-straddled him naturally, but it was a disgusting experience, and I regret giving him so much of my energy.

I'm almost... impressed??? that some men do tell you the truth, which is that they're not offering anything of value. Wow, that is sad.

Anyway I think I'm just going to go back to having female friends and hobbies and studying and going to dance and pottery class. It is absolute nonsense out there and I just can't see how this is worth my time or energy.

I am not Jewish, and wow, I am hoping I will one day start my sentences differently :)

I am not Jewish, but I had just started my orthodox conversion process after many years of thinking about it. Unfortunately, life happened. About a month ago, I left my job and moved back home with my parents... to a city with less than 1000 Jewish people. There is only one shul (synagogue) that meets less than once a month, and no rabbi anywhere to supervise my conversion.

I had switched over to tznuit (modest according to Jewish law) dressing as part of my conversion journey. I actually really loved it and it made me feel good. I've always been on the modest side according to secular standards. I was not strictly tznuit when my conversion stalled but I was fairly close. It felt meaningful, protective, dignified, supportive. Only complaint was that I wished for more shopping options ;)

I found it really hard having to pause conversion after so many years of longing. Tbh I went through a phase of finding it hard to even read Jewish religious content because I was so disappointed. Difficult to pray because I felt like a fraud and a failure.

Ditto for the tznuit (modesty). I'd look for clothes that met the modesty standards and then stop myself with shame. I had a lot of negative self-talk. >!"What does it matter, you're not a Jew, you're never going to be Jewish, if you were, Gd wouldn't have let it happen like this, your dreams are stupid, you're just a poser, stop trying to be different, the reason that it's hard is that it's not meant for you, just stop fighting and go to church with your parents, you're nobody special..."!<.

WELL. Something seems to have shifted overnight. I feel a sense of hope and that just because I can't convert right now, doesn't mean I have to give up my whole connection to Judaism. I cannot believe it. It has been about a month of despair and disconnection from Gd. I felt as if it would never end.

But this morning, a little crack of light shining into my spirit :)

This is translating into a renewed connection to modesty. I want to wear modest clothes as a reminder of my connection to this tradition. I look in my wardrobe and most of my tznuit clothes don't fit right now. I want to go shopping!! Haha. I want long skirts, high necklines, and covered elbows. And I want them to look fabulous. And quietly remind me of my path.

My love and respect for Judaism is real. Life is full of changes. Who knows what is around the corner. It would be wrong of me to pretend to be something I'm not or appropriate a minority religious tradition that I'm not part of, even if I want to be. I am respectful and sensitive about that.

But I can focus on my modest dressing as a quiet connection and an expression of hope that the day will come again. That I am on this path, even in changing circumstances. I can cultivate a dignified way of being in the world in dress and behaviour no matter what. Honestly I think that's good for the spirit regardless.

I waited nearly a decade to start conversion. I can wait some more, and modesty is something I can do out of emunah (faithfulness) and hope for the day when the time is right.

Well, that got long and emotional. Thank you for listening, friends, and good luck on your journeys in faith and life.

Hey all, I have coarse stubble on my chin, as well as random thick hairs growing out of my neck, moles, and other parts of my face. I also have a moustache which is noticeable if I don't shave it every day.

I also have a lot of peach fuzz and sideburns. I guess that's "normal" hair in the sense but because I'm pale with dark hair, they really stand out.

I'm not ready for electrolysis, and I struggle with tweezing because it's just so painful. Atm I use a dermaplaning razor but I find it's not enough to really my deal with chin hair. I also feel super wasteful having to throw out the razor every 2-3 uses.

For those who manage facial hair by shaving, do you have tips? Is it actually possible to do a decent job of it? What kind of razor do you use and how do you manage awkward angles like the chin or just under the nose?

Thank you so much for your help. Solidarity!!

So my dove dreams have been waiting for until after I move cities. I've just discovered there is a pigeon rescue in my new town. They have one ringneck dove, and a bunch of pigeons.

For those who own both, do you notice differences in friendliness? Ringnecks have my heart, but I also wonder if I should be more open-minded.

Doves are very uncommon pets where I live (Australia). I haven't really been able to find any reputable breeders, and it looks like my options would be to find one on Gumtree (Australian Craigslist) or possibly the bird store in my new town.

I've always wanted to adopt an animal that needs a home so that's playing on my mind as well.

Hello. Not a mason, though I did date one for a while. Very much a woman.

I have a soft spot for masons. I like that you are a fraternal community. You seem to focus on supporting each other, growing spiritually, and being good people in the community. You seem to like integrity and relating to each other with brotherly love.

I think that's great. In many ways, you represent what I'd like to see more of in the world.

Increasingly, it feels like people are turning away from organised community, as well as from values-based approaches to life like masonry. It seems that my generation (millenial) and those that follow take a more atomised, individualised approach to life. There is a lot of drift and change. A lot more outsourcing, and a lot less community care.

Is that something you've noticed, and is it affecting your lodges? Does it concern you for the survival of masonry? And is there anything you feel that masonry can do to ensure its continuance, and that masons continue to live by masonic values, even if society trends in a more individualistic direction.

I'm asking partly for interest and partly because I'm thinking about how I can live a more community, values-based life in a society where that feels increasingly hard to find. I thought masons would be a good source of opinions on the topic.

😊

P.S. Not interested in your secret stuff. Maybe it doesn't need to be said, but the mason I dated kept assuming that I was after it. He took his third degree while we dated and there were lots of moments that went, "how is your study going?" "CAN'T TELL YOU IT'S SECRET." "Uhh, it's secret to tell me if it's going well or you're having a hard time??"😄

You have rituals, there are aprons, you memorise things, there are lots of construction metaphors, you eat dinner together and call each other brother. Sometimes, there are suits. Also, signet rings. You do good works in the community and act like good people. That's all I need to know.

Hey dove lovers, it will be two months until I can welcome a dove pair into my life. In the meantime, I'm living through your photos! I'm also trying to learn so that I'm a responsible dove mama when I'm ready. 🕊️🤍

I thought it would be fun to ask people what they did not expect about owning doves. What was harder, better, weirder, or just funnier about owning doves than you expected? What did you learn along the way that you wished you knew at the beginning?

This question is partly to learn, but it is also to be a fun topic 😊 I'm reading the subreddit resources and past comments as well.

P.S. Bonus points if you upload a picture of your doves because cute 😘🕊️

Hello dignified dressers! I'd like to add more modest clothes to my wardrobe, but I have a preference for fabrics like bamboo, cotton, and wool. Doesn't have to be 100% but I've noticed that a lot of the modest clothes that I find online are polyester based.

Sometimes that's ok, but then sometimes I find I order clothes and they feel really plasticky or non-breathable, and it feels gross to me 🤷‍♀️

I like to wear clothing that is around a tznuit (orthodox Jewish) standard of modesty, but I'm not super strict about it. I also quite like Islamic women's clothing and this request actually came out of looking at some beautiful clothes aimed at Muslim women that unfortunately looked like the dreaded poly chiffon that seems to disagree with me.

I'd love any recs you have. And if you want to say, "it's synthetic but it's breathable", that's completely fine too 😊 I don't hate synthetics; I'm just trying to avoid disappointment and I do enjoy the feel of natural fibres.

Thank you! Have a wonderful day, whatever faith you follow and whatever fashion feels right 🤍

Last night, I had my first negative experience in a Jewish environment, and I'm feeling shaken up. I'm processing and feeling unsure about what it means. Perspectives, thoughts and support would be welcome.

It was a shiur where there were negative comments about:

• Arab and Druze people.
• Reform.
• Big bang / evolution.
• People who believe in big bang / evolution / scientific theories.
• People who reject or don't follow Kabbalah.
• Other cultural traditions, i.e. a superstition for finding lost things that was connected to Judaism "really works", but an African one was "just voodoo."

I found it intolerant and narrow-minded. I felt like a puzzle piece in the wrong puzzle. Nobody was unkind to me, but I felt really uncomfortable.

Judaism is often celebrated as a religion where debate and challenge is welcome, but this environment felt like it was oriented towards conformity and groupthink. Tbh, it felt culturally similar to the Christianity I left behind, not in terms of the content of beliefs but the way that beliefs were held.

Until now, my experiences with Judaism have been positive and intelligent. I guess I'm afraid that maybe I was wrong, and I'm not a good fit for orthodoxy or Judaism at all. For the first time, I feel mis-aligned and it's frightening because I love Judaism so much.

I want to be serious and observant, but I think critically. I value science. I hate stereotyping or dismissing other people's ways of relating to Gd. Above all else I will not be stereotyping entire ethnic or religious groups.

I was feeling raw and unsettled generally because the day prior, I found a horrifically injured wild animal, and had to take it to a vet to be put down. Relocating is hard, and there have been some big personally difficulties and shocks. I can see those factors amplifying my response by quite a bit, as I was teary and upset before this experience. But I also think that it's a distressing experience anyway, and one I'm having a hard time processing.

Support and perspective would be welcome. Thank you so much.

Hey guys, I found an injured feral dove today. I'm waiting to find out what's happened to it, but I'm expecting to find out that it was put down. I'm super upset, and I'd be grateful for reassurance and support from other people who love doves too.

It was lying on a piece of tile in my parents' backyard. It tried to move at my touch, but couldn't walk or fly. I scooped it up as gently using a towel. Put it in on a cushion in a box lined with blankets but. Kept it dark but made sure it had air. Took it to the vet.

The vet said she could see blood and suggested a cat. I told them to call me if it could be saved, as I'd consider paying for treatment and caring for it. She said the bird vet would see what he could do, but she had that look on her face that tells you what is going to happen 😞

I've never had to put an animal down before and I just remember the last few moments that I had with it. It looked at me so trustingly and I told it that it had been a good dove and it was okay now. I know I did the right thing but I also feel like I murdered it. Any support you can provide would be appreciated.

Thank you.

Hi all – just chatting and sharing life experience 👋

My shul has been a smash hit. I feel really happy there. The congregation leans older but they are still lovely and inclusive. It is a traditional shul but also feels relaxed.

I'm interstate for a few weeks visiting family. I'm finding it hard being distant from Jewish community. Online shiurim help but I still am aching to see Jewish human beings and be part of Jewish life, even as a gentile.

Yesterday, I asked Chabad if they'd mind me coming to services while I'm here.

I am waiting to come before the Beit Din for approval to formally begin the conversion process. Tbh I was late in applying to them, so while I'm impatient, it's my own doing! 🤭

My family are more disengaged from conversion than they used to be. Overall, I feel that they are quietly negative about the whole thing, but this is real and this is happening. The disapproval is ok as long as they don't bother me.

I'm still reading the weekly parashah which I have been doing since the beginning of Shemot. Vayikra is harder going but I am getting a lot out of it. Korban, kedusha, tahara, tumah, kapparah* – these are important concepts but they take a while to grasp. I'm just at the beginning but beginnings are exciting places to be.

How are you going? I'd love to hear your journey and am wishing you well.🌻☺️👋🤗

*Loose English translations: sacrifice, holiness, purity, impurity, atonement. A lot gets lost in the translation though.