u/pepito_202010

My grandma (my mom’s mom) passed away about two weeks ago. We’re still grieving, and her funeral is coming up.
When we posted her obituary on Facebook, we tagged her account because we didn’t know all of her friends personally and wanted to make sure everyone who knew and loved her would see it. Unfortunately, that’s how my estranged father found out.
For context, I haven’t spoken to him in over seven years. He was verbally and physically abusive when I was growing up. One of the lowest points in my life was when I was 15, and the way he treated me contributed to me becoming suicidal. He never tried to repair our relationship, never reached out, and it always felt painfully obvious that he didn’t love me the way a father should.
We recently found out he’s back in town. My oldest brother told him that he should use the funeral as an opportunity to reconcile with us.
I told my brother that if our dad shows up to the funeral, it’s going to create a huge problem. This funeral is for my mom’s mother, not his. I don’t want one of the hardest days of our lives to become about him or a surprise reunion that none of us asked for.
Some people think I should just ignore him if he comes because the day is about my grandma. But I feel like I shouldn’t have to worry about seeing my abuser while I’m trying to grieve.
AITA for not wanting my estranged father to come to the funeral and being upset that my brother encouraged him to reconnect with us?

My grandma recently passed away, and because of that, I’ll be taking on more financial responsibilities and paying more bills.
Right now I nanny for a family on Sundays, Mondays, and Tuesdays. They pay me $16/hour, but after taxes I’m only bringing home around $400 every two weeks.
The bigger issue is that they live about 45 minutes away, so I’m driving an hour and a half round trip each workday. On top of that, on my longer days I usually end up paying for lunch and dinner for their 12-year-old, and I don’t always get reimbursed. Between gas, food, and wear and tear on my car, it feels like I’m losing a lot of money just to keep this job.
I genuinely like the family and don’t want to leave them in a difficult position, but I’m starting to wonder if staying is financially responsible anymore.
I’m taking a trip in August, and I’ve been thinking that around the end of July I could let them know that after I return, I’ll need to move on and find a position that’s closer to home or pays enough to cover my expenses. That would still give them a few weeks to look for another nanny while I’m away. I’ve never left a nanny job before, so I feel really guilty even thinking about it.
Does that seem like a fair amount of notice? Or would you handle it differently? I’d really appreciate hearing what others would do.

I (20F) keep having the same disagreement with a friend whenever the topic of kids comes up, even though neither of us is having children anytime soon.

Every time I mention that I don’t want to breastfeed in the future, she gets upset and tells me I should just use other women’s breast milk instead. I personally wouldn’t do that because it feels uncomfortable to me, and I also just don’t want to breastfeed at all.

I’m not against breastfeeding— I think it’s great for people who choose it. I just don’t want to deal with the physical pain, stress, hormonal changes, or things I’ve seen and heard about like soreness, cracked nipples, and overall discomfort.

For context, I do work with kids, so the topic naturally comes up sometimes. It’s not like I’m starting these conversations to argue. Sometimes she brings it up, or it comes up when I’m talking about my job or showing her pictures of my nephew. I also sent her a video once about breastfeeding, but it was more in a joking way than anything serious.

She also gets upset when I say I’m not sure I even want kids at all.

I use the word “friend” loosely for other reasons, but this is one of many situations where I feel like my opinions aren’t really respected. These conversations just come up randomly and somehow turn into arguments.

So… AITA?

I haven’t attended a family reunion on my dad’s side in years, and some relatives are starting to act like I’m the problem.

For context, my dad was extremely abusive when I was growing up. Because of that, I have no interest in having a relationship with him as an adult. Going no-contact was one of the healthiest decisions I’ve ever made.

The problem is that my dad’s side of the family keeps inviting me to reunions, holidays, and other family events. I genuinely miss a lot of my relatives and would love the chance to reconnect with them.

Every time I’m invited, I ask one question: “Will my dad be there?”

The answer is always yes.

When I say I won’t attend if he’s there, some family members seem disappointed or frustrated. A few have implied that I should put the past aside for one day, while others act like I’m choosing not to be part of the family.

What makes this even more confusing is that a lot of my relatives don’t even seem to like my dad. He’s burned bridges with people for years and I’ve heard family members complain about him plenty of times. Several of my cousins have also skipped events specifically because they don’t want to be around him.

That’s why I don’t understand why the expectation always seems to be that everyone else adjusts around him.

I’m not asking anyone to stop inviting him. I understand he’s family to them too. But I also don’t understand why the solution is always that I should stay home and miss out on seeing people I care about because he’s there.

I would love to see my family again. I just don’t want to spend the day pretending everything is fine with someone who caused a lot of damage in my life.

Part of me wonders if I’m being stubborn and should just suck it up for a few hours to see everyone. Another part of me feels like I’ve spent enough of my life being uncomfortable because of him.

So AITA for refusing to attend family reunions and events if my dad is going to be there?

I (23F) am pregnant with my first child, a boy, and I’ve somehow become the villain in my husband’s family.
My husband comes from a family where every male has a name that starts with K. His name starts with K, his dad’s name starts with K, all four of his brothers have K names, and apparently several other relatives do too. It’s a family tradition that has been around for generations.

When we told his parents I was pregnant, my MIL was thrilled. One of the first things she asked was what we planned to name the baby. I told her we hadn’t even started discussing names because I was only a few months pregnant.

She immediately said, “Well, I hope you make the smart choice and pick something with a K.”

I thought she was joking.

She wasn’t.

Over the next few weeks she kept bringing it up, and at one family dinner she actually handed me a list of K names she thought we should consider.

That’s when I finally told her I wasn’t sure I wanted our son to have a K name at all.

The room got awkward fast.

My FIL explained that every male in the family has a K name and that they expected us to continue the tradition. When I asked why, the answer was basically, “Because that’s what we’ve always done.”

The thing is, this isn’t the first disagreement we’ve had about expectations for the baby.

They’re a huge football family. Football is practically a religion in their house. The baby isn’t even born yet and they’ve already talked about football jerseys, football toys, football camps, and how excited they are to have another football player in the family.

I finally told them that I don’t want our child growing up feeling like his future has already been decided for him. If he loves football, great. If he wants to play basketball, race cars, do theater, play music, or anything else, we’ll support him just as much.

Apparently that didn’t go over very well.

Now they’re acting like refusing the K name is just another example of me rejecting family traditions.

The funny part is that my husband doesn’t care. He said he wants us to choose a name because we love it, not because we’re obligated to follow a tradition.

My in-laws, however, think I’m being disrespectful and destroying a family legacy.
I don’t hate their traditions. I just think my child should get to be his own person.

AITA?

I need to know if anyone else’s NK is this committed to the bit because mine has apparently made it his life’s mission to ensure my untimely demise.

When we play Nerf guns, I’m dead.

When we play dinosaurs, I’m dead.

When we practice letters, somehow I’m dead.

Walking to the park? A tiger gets me and I’m dead.

See a snake? It gets me and I’m dead.

Eating a cookie? Sorry, it was poisonous and now I’m dead.

Going to the bakery? He’ll happily inform me that all the cookies are going to make me dead.

Playing doctor? Instead of helping me, he’ll give me a shot that makes me dead.

The thing is, it isn’t even aggressive. He says it so casually. Like he’s reporting the weather.

“There’s a tiger.”

“Oh no.”

“It got you.”

“Really?”

“Yep. You’re dead.”

At this point I have died from wild animals, baked goods, medical malpractice, natural causes, and circumstances that haven’t even been explained to me.Every single day I discover a new way to die.

Please tell me this is a normal kid phase because my life expectancy in this house is currently about seven minutes. 😭

So when I met this family they told me it would just be the baby sun mon tues 12-2 one week then sun tue 12-2 mon12-10 the next. So I quoted them $16. But I’ve never been out by 2 with is fine but I’m wondering if I under charge them and if it would be wrong to ask for more during the summer when their son will be home and during winter cause we have really bad winters where I’m from and I’m driving 45 minutes each way.

I was making her bottle and she was red faced screaming so I was trying to be quick to get back to her and put her bottle in the warmer for 5 minutes without the water 🤦🏽‍♀️

So I’m the youngest at five I have my oldest half brother (31) John my full sister (27) Michaela my full brother 23 mark my half sister (21) Julie and myself (20). So we all had the same Dad and I just had my 20th birthday and Michaela and Mark wished me happy birthday. and John and Julie didn’t. John and Julie both have kids. John has a daughter Kennedy 10 and Katelyn 10 months and his baby mama has a son Daniela 12 Julie has one daughter, Rylee 14 months ever since my two youngest nieces were born me and my mom would travel to go see John and his kids and his baby Momma and Julie and her daughter Rylee and always made sure that John’s baby Momma felt a part of the family even if we didn’t necessarily like her John and Julie have different moms, but both of their moms were not very good moms while they were growing up. while John was in prison my mum called him multiple times to check in on him on Christmas on his birthday on Easter whenever he wanted to talk. my mom allowed my half sister to move in with her multiple times when Julie‘s mom kicked her out multiple times so seeing how hurt she was not getting a happy Mother’s Day text or happy birthday text from either of them makes me more upset. We bought birthday presents and Christmas presents for all of them kids even Christmas present for baby mama. sent videos for their kids on their birthdays. So a simple happy birthday text to not only me and my mom whose birthdays are 21 days apart doesn’t feel like a lot to ask for mind you I posted my mom on my story on Facebook and Instagram wishing her happy birthday they still in with your happy birthday. I posted a picture of me at the beach for my birthday. They viewed it still a happy birthday. They like the pictures of me and my birthday. Still happy birthday text my uncle‘s ex-girlfriend from five years ago wished me a happy birthday and they didn’t so what really asshole if I cut them off. Sidenote Julie asked us to watch Rylee over the weekend when it was my birthday and I still get a happy birthday text or when she came to pick her up and she saw me still and say happy birthday.