u/pinkSeahorsie

My spouse (separated, not divorced) have a 50/50 schedule with our kids, both under 10. We try to be flexible because we both have activities we like to do that take time and we still care about each other and doing things as a family. Normally we will arrange things in advance, like if they have to go out of town for something on their weekend, we might try to switch or I'll just take them for the extra time. There is one day a week that I always end up taking them for a few hours because my spouse has an activity every week on that day. Well this past weekend, they asked if I could keep the kids on Sunday for the whole night, which it didn't occur to me until later that I didn't know why, because they were free long before bedtime. Then I realized they wanted me to keep the kids so they could go on a date with their new "friend." When they asked if I wanted to watch them all night, I said well I can watch them and take them back to your place or they can stay with me. And then my spouse asked what the kids want to do. They said they wanted to stay with me, and while I don't know FOR SURE, all signs point to them having a date night instead of spending their night with our kids.

This rubs me the wrong way, partially I can admit it's the jealousy of it, and not wanting to be their babysitter while they go out with someone else. But it also doesn't feel right to leave that decision up to the kids. My son already told me that he worries that whatever decision he makes will hurt someone's feelings, and that's not a burden he should bear. It also just makes me really sad that my spouse doesn't seem to want to spend as much time with the kids now that we've separated. There was a point in time where he was saying he wanted more time with them than I have, and now it feels like he'll give up time whenever just to have free time to date or do his activities. I can't change it, but I still feel like it's important for them to spend quality time with both parents and it's my personal opinion that it's icky to schedule dates when you are supposed to have custody of the kids.

I spoke to my therapist about this, and they said they thought that swapping nights is ok with plenty of notice or if there's an emergency or something, but that the schedule should be adhered to as much as possible and it should not be up to the kids to make the decision day-of, because she said when they're older they'll think they can make the decision and they'll think they get to stay with whoever they want (likely me). And I don't want their relationship with their dad to be anymore strained than I know it's going to be.

Would you recommend keeping it more strict? I feel so guilty when my kids do say they want to stay with me on nights with the other parent and I say no, it just feels wrong not to let them be with me whenever they want. But if I'm separated, I know that I don't get that anymore. Do you think I'm overthinking it or are we doing more harm this way?

My spouse and I have been separated for almost a year and we seem to have been taking turns being the one who wants to get back together. It was a rocky few years, he left me for someone else, that person dumped him, etc etc. We have children, still hung out occasionally with and without kids and we were occasionally intimate. Maybe 6 months ago he said he did not want to divorce, and I said I needed time to make sure he was sure. Then a few months ago I realized I was sure I didn't want to divorce, but he said he was "moving on." (By just dating as much as possible to fill the void I suppose). We talked about what we wanted; he said he never wanted to get married again, and so did I. He said he didn't feel the need to sign any divorce papers, and this made me feel very relieved. Now he's seeing someone exclusively, and I'm afraid he's going to change his mind and serve me with papers.

I'm not really worried that this person will stick around (she doesn't have kids, they seem to have no shared interests, and rebound relationships rarely last, not to mention the kids are REALLY going to hate her if/when they meet) but he does have a history of falling quickly, so I'm afraid that he'll write me off and change his mind about divorcing before he's thought it through. Based on our history, I do think we can make it through if we can just get through this hard part and work on our friendship. I guess I'm just scared of making it through this part.

I'm not really looking for any "move on!" type of advice, but I'm trying to figure out how to maintain a friendly relationship that proves my value while inside I'm seething with jealousy and fear. I also keep feeling that deep sense of being a failure as a parent. My kids have been ramping up the comments about how we should just get back together and it's killing me. It doesn't seem to phase him, but I really think the idea that no one should ever stay together for the kids is a crock of BS now that I'm living through the alternative.

Been separated for several months and found out that my spouse is dating someone and has introduced them to mutual friends. I'm not sure how to work through how this feels... We still do a lot of things together because we have children and we're friends, and I hate knowing that now I can't be in certain places because the new "partner" might be there. I also hate the feeling of being the last to know.

I also have come to the realization in recent months that I want to reconcile. Currently my spouse does not feel the same way, although they did not long ago and it feels like a pretty fluid thing and we've only recently stopped being intimate because of this new partner. My spouse is nothing if not fickle, so part of me feels like I should just not make a big deal and just hope this relationship fizzles out. We have children together and I just hope that he doesn't involve them. I'm just trying not to think about this as the end of the world, but sometimes it really does feel like it, and it hurts to know that there's this stranger who's slowly replacing me in every aspect of my life.

I've worked at this company for over a decade and recently interviewed for a job that I'm fully qualified for, in my department, and which should have been mine to lose. It's a position that has always, since I've worked there and before, been filled by someone from the inside who's worked their way up. (I work in a manufacturing facility so growth opportunities for non-technical roles are few and far between...this was one of the few). I was very upset with the way it was handled, but I also found out that the chosen candidate is someone who has never worked there, as far as I know has no manufacturing experience and is less qualified, and is related to one of the coworkers on the interview panel (they did not let them interview their relative, but they were allowed to sit in on the others and imo there's no way to remove that bias). I'm refining my resume and looking for something else, but unfortunately I do need this job and once the new hire starts, I'm going to be forced to deal with the reminder and likely be asked to help in their training. I have a meeting with HR and the manager tomorrow...how do I push HR to take action on the unfair interview practices? Or am I overreacting?