u/politebones

What it says on the box! For reference I took this job out of desperation since my last job let go almost all of the staff due to budget.

This is my third week and I already feel over it. I made the terrible mistake taking a claims support job for a large insurance company.

- It's an hour each way in a busy city. My fault but God it's the worst.

- I have to park in a parking garage that I have to pay up front each month and get reimbursed later if I keep my receipts. It will take weeks for me to be reimbursed for that $100+ dollars.

- The job entails an insane workload each day where everything you do is calculated to show how long you spent on each and how productive you are.

-My current manager is retiring and a woman that doesn't know what we do will be taking over...so I'll have no one to answer my questions.

- My manager has reiterated to me several times that mistakes can cost the company thousands. Not only do I need to be insanely fast, I can't make mistakes. No pressure.

- two people can't be off at the same time.

- my coworker is pregnant both bosses tell her over and over and OVER "don't have that baby now, we need you." Or "please just one more week". They try to make it sound like a joke but it is not.

- the culture is soulless. Everyone is miserable and too busy trying to make production that they don't interact with each other.

-The recent lunch the company provided the other day was pathetic and my boss was encouraging us to hurry it up and go back to work.

-they tell me over and over and over how glad they are I'm here and that they need to get me up to speed.

- I was just told today I'll be training on "the hard stuff" tomorrow. This vexes me because what I'm already doing feels pretty hard.

- I had to work overtime already because the system crashed today. I have to do it again tomorrow too.

I'm just complaining and I chose this job but I feel my soul weakening every time I go in there.

So I started a new job a few days ago and I know all new jobs have a learning curve but this is a job unlike any I've had before in that it's heavy multitasking, deadline heavy job. Everything I'll be doing is a LOT to remember for even small tasks. There's tons of steps to everything.

My memory has gotten horrific the last couple of years (I'm 29) and I forget EVERYTHING. AND I'm slow with a mind that's constantly in the clouds which makes it worse. I forget what someone just said to me, what I was doing, what I need to do, etc. I try to take notes but then I don't remember what they mean because I had to write them really fast. I even forget to look at the reminder sticky notes right in front of my face. The brain fog is heavy.

I meditate and take meds but I always feel like an anxious overwhelmed mess (I have General anxiety disorder). How do I make my mind efficient?

edit: this job is in life insurance and my boss has told me mistakes can cost the company which makes me more anxious

I should preface that I think my mother is generally a nice lady that tries her best...but she is such an anxious neurotic individual (I inherited this) that she probably shouldn't have had a kid. My dad said he didn't even want kids but my mom hounded him. Most of my childhood was my mom trying to project onto me and now that I didn't become what she envisioned I can tell she's disappointed. My dad is distant and he's told me while drunk I was a burden and wished I'd never been born.

I believe because of these things my parents take a very vague interest in my life. Of course my mom wants to know if I'm okay, how work is, offers advice if I'm sad, asks how my fiance is doing, etc but she doesn't really know much beyond that. Both parents dont ask questions and dont really seem too interested when I talk about any hobbies or anything deeper. My childhood of being told my interests were weird makes me want to talk even less.

I know a lot about their lives and what they're up to. I know my mom very well. My fiance is very amused by how perfectly I mimic her mannerisms lol.

My mother sometimes asks what happened to the happy kid she used to know and how I got like this. I was a kid. You don't know me as an adult.

Anyway it just sucks to realize this after getting a text from her today telling me to call my dad. And do what? Hear all about his life, his opinions, how annoying he thinks my mom is? I'd rather not but the people pleaser in me is pushing me to do it anyway.

I feel so frustrated because I don't fit in with neurotypical people even though I mask very well but then I don't fit in with my autistic friends either.

It feels like they all function better than me. I always miss the joke in the group or make a joke that nobody gets. Everyone goes quiet when I say something even though they talk and answer everyone else all the time. It always feels like I said something wrong. I also noticed they get short with me (though I genuinely can't tell if they mean anything by it. They don't do it to anyone else but I don't know.)

It's lead to me constantly feeling anxious with ALL my interactions and I'm constantly trying to pick up on cues....and then misreading those cues. And then saying something wrong because I didn't read the room right. So I've mostly resigned myself to keep my mouth shut.

It feels like I'm too autistic even for my other autistic friends! They don't seem to have any trouble socializing within our friend group. Maybe I'm just not cut out for friends.

Has anyone else ever dealt with this? I feel crazy.