u/queenelizabee

My (34f) sister has the life I've been dying for. Shes got a stay at home job that pays her beautifully, she's a homeowner, is married and her husband is smart as hell/they both are. And frankly they have the healthiest relationship I've seen in a long time considering our childhood.
I (28f) however went the child rearing route, had 2 kids so majority of my money goes to that and I only make 100 dollars a week working part time at Harris teeter bc they "don't have hours". So, to say I'm going thru a rough patch is the understatement of the year. I love my kids but they do drain my energy majority of the time and frankly I'm a little burnt out w this whole fucking situation.
My boyfriend is a great hard working father and i couldn't have asked for a better partner. But he won't pop the question till after the kids are grown bc we need to keep our medical insurance the same. And he makes all the money but it goes straight towards bills and I pull my weight don't get me wrong bc i still have savings from my last job. But if I'd known i had to wait 18 years not to get the wedding of my dreams i wouldn't have fallen for him. I could give a fuck if we have medical insurance I wanted him to fully commit to me bc I needed that validation. Clearly i know my priorities are a lil messed up but im not sure how to fix those little things that make my heart hurt inside. Lowkey think im a loser and that became evident looking in at my sisters life

Anyway, I saved up around 2k to visit my sister for the weekend and catch up, and I was fine until she gave me a house tour, nice cars, a movie room was a tv bigger than my body(I'm 6'1 btw). Easily a 15-20k kitchen and living room and just the coolest shit imaginable. All I could fixate on is how my sons would've broken all of these nice things if i had them. I felt incredibly insecure and I'm aware that i shouldn't feel this way and all, but it just took over me. I want my sister's life. It seems quiet and quaint and most importantly quiet.

Idek why I'm saying all this but I'm kinda pissed at myself. I wasted my 20s, focused too hard on friendships and relationships and have absolutely nothing to show for it. When I get back home I'm going to find a better job for one and focus a little less on being a mom and get my fucking shit together bc I want what my sister has and idc how that sounds. Kinda want a redo at life.

I (29F) and my bf (31M) have been together 6.5 years and I'm stressed out. About 7ish month ago we had a pretty big fight bc he couldn't remember our anniversary and unbeknownst to me bought a sex toy. So, at that time I considered leaving bc it ticked me off that he didn't seem the least bit concerned with remembering our anniversary and on top of that lied for over a year about having bought a sex toy. His reasons were that we weren't really on the same wavelength and were arguing a lot around that time so instead of cheating, he got a "pocketbook". Once we started to work together, he promised to throw it out by his own accord (I never asked him to).

Now to present day, I found another box for the same sex toy and he claims he bought that during the year he was keeping that from me and just forgot about it. I'm still in denial so I asked him about it and we talked about it, but I'm not over it. In fact, I'm questioning what else he's keeping from me and what else I'm going to stumble upon in our closet of horrors.
The only reasons it bothers me is bc our kids could've easily found it(they're very young) and I take censorship seriously considering the things I saw as a child. Two, he lied for a year when I thought we were working things out he had his lil back up plan, Mr. Won't cheat but living a lying is better. And three, he just "forgot" he bought 2! When I've been really open and transparent our entire relationship.
Now I just feel stupid beyond repair for thinking he would never lie to me not after everything we've built up.

Normally, wouldn't care that he bought a crazy lil gadget home but it was the sneaking and lying that's been messing w my head. How could he have thought that'd go down well? Idk what I'm supposed to do next bc it still doesn't feel real. I would've never treated him like that.

What has been your experience and what would you suggest be done differently?
I have a friend w bpd and it seems she has a hard time keeping friends and understanding where the issues lie. We've had our own ups n downs but we've given our friendship another try. Any advice?