u/queriesandquestiona

Hellooooo,

I really want to make lps customs of the Gotham tv characters (the show has kinda taken over my life haha). I especially want to do Oswald (the animal question is pretty obvious with him lol), Edward, and Zsasz. I'm not sure on what animals they would be.

What do y'all think? :)

Hello.

I'm autistic, I've been diagnosed since high school. I've also been diagnosed with anxiety and depression. I started therapy (CBT) for about a year now (I don't know the exact time I've been doing it, sorry).

I was on a low intensity course and am now on a high intensity course because the low didn't do anything for me. I'm not finding it useful.

My main problem is that I don't think the therapists dealing with me understand autism very well and so I spend a lot of time explaining my autism to them. By the time I'm done, the session is over and nothing has been accomplished.

I'm frustrated because I'm really struggling right now. And I don't think they understand that it's not and can't be just the mental health stuff they're dealing with because autism plays a massive role in that as well. It also impacts what help I can get and what advice will help.

Like, for example, I struggle a lot with showering. I struggle with the sensory issues of my shampoo, the feeling of water, the feeling of wet hair, the sounds, all of that. I also struggle with the transition between being dry to wet to dry and it leaves me completely drained when I'm finally done. My mental health is also not helping this as I'm just too drained mentally to deal with all that. Which then makes my sensory issues worse anyways because I feel the dirt and sweat and all that. I never win.

I explained that to my therapist and it took the entire session to explain all of that to her. And everything she suggested were things I'd already tried and either hadn't worked or weren't useful enough to help me shower more often. Things like, showering with the lights off, showering with unscented shampoo, wearing earbuds, and more. All things I've tried and haven't helped much or at all.

I'm sat there explaining this the entire session and leave with the goal of buying unscented shampoo. Something I know won't work.

That's one example but I've been doing this for a while, it's like this with almost everything.

She's lovely, she really is and I know she's trying her best with what she's got but at the same time, I'm so frustrated having to explain autism over and over for the entire session and get nowhere.

I'm really not doing well and I kept getting told to reach out for help because there's always help out there if you just ask. Then I do, and I get nowhere. I walk away from sessions in tears because I don't feel listened to or understood or like I'm being difficult or lazy. I know that isn't the case, I'm disabled, that's what this is but that doesn't help that I still feel like that.

My mum says to tell her about this, explain that this isn't helping in the way that I need. But she's so nice and I'm trying so hard to get through sessions without snapping or getting annoyed. I don't want to be rude to her or tell her that she isn't helping even if its true. She's really nice.

I'm also worried that if I just stop with CBT, my records will say that I rejected help or that I was cured because I didn't need it anymore or something like that, which isn't true. I'm as depressed as I was a year ago, I'd say worse than then actually. I'm still not functioning any better than I was a year ago, probably worse now.

And every time I see in my calendar that I have a session the next day, I get so upset and start dreading it because it feels like a waste of time. I've been doing it for a while now and there's only been one thing that they've given me that helps.

I just don't know what to do and I am so frustrated with myself. There isn't many therapies out there, it's mostly just CBT. I'm so tired.

Hey, I might delete this. I'm not sure. I'm upset right now so I'll try my best to explain.

I've been in this online friend group for a couple years and I really love them like irl friends. I thought we were really close. We've had drama through the years that have split the group, but most of us have stayed together.

I don't make friends easily and I keep them even less so my friends mean a lot to me. A lot.

We do lives together quite a lot, I really enjoyed them. I didn't have much to offer for the lives but I thought that they enjoyed being around me so I thought it didn't matter as much. We all kind of circle around this one girl, I'll call her Tammy. She's kind of the heart of the group, we all joined for her. She's really nice and has given me great advice over the years.

We've all had the mentality of 'if you have a problem with someone, tell them, be open about it'. They've reassured me that this goes for me as well. That they'd tell me if they had a problem.

I haven't been doing well for a while. The group knows this. I relapsed on my self harm, I haven't been able to leave my house or my room very much. I've been exhausted even doing things online. I've told the group about it, they're aware. I've told Tammy.

I stopped joining panels in the lives because I just didn't have the energy and kept dealing with verbal shutdowns (I'm autistic) so I didn't think it was fair for them to deal with me like that. I stayed in the chat instead. Then after a while, I stopped having the energy for that too. So I stopped joining all together.

That was around a month ago I think. No one really texted me at all, it felt like I disappeared and no one noticed.

(Actually, no, one friend has texted me outside Tammy. I'm really grateful for her. I love her a lot)

After two weeks, I think, Tammy texted to ask if I was okay. I said no. Because I wasn't. That was over a week ago. She hasn't looked at my reply and she hasn't responded. I thought she was busy but I keep getting notifications saying she's gone live, almost all day and almost all night.

I feel worse than when she hadn't texted me. To me, this feels like she reached out so she can say she tried, not because she actually cared. It doesn't feel like she actually cares. I feel horrible. She could be busy, she could've forgotten, anything could be happening for her not to respond but that little bit inside me keeps telling me that I'm wrong, that she hates me, that I've been a nuisance she's happy to be rid of.

And I'm mad at myself for thinking about her like that. And I feel like I'm being unreasonable and a brat. My mental health isn't her responsibility and at the same time, why ask if you don't care about the answer?

I'm so confused and I don't know if I'm being a prick.

I'm not great at communication or people really so I might be missing something or intruding or something else.

So, am I the asshole?