[WP] You mugged a girl last week, roughed her up when she wouldn't hand over the purse. Her sister just threw a car through the front window of your house.

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u/reallygoodbee — 10 days ago

[WP] "Attention all heroes, attention all heroes: Switch from subject containment to evacuation. I repeat, evacuate all civilians immediately. Captain Incredible is en route and he is extremely pissed off."

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u/reallygoodbee — 14 days ago

[WP] The enemy commander exasperatedly explaining to you why all of your men need to at least wear the same color, if they're not going to wear the same helmets and symbols.

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u/reallygoodbee — 15 days ago

[WP] Vampires are strange creatures. They don't need blood until they mature. You're the chef for the young vampire princess, and she needs sugar to live.

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u/reallygoodbee — 23 days ago

[WP] You have a horrible, dark secret that you've been desperately keeping from your fiance: To cut down on RAM usage, you switch to a low polygon model whenever you're out of her line of sight.

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u/reallygoodbee — 1 month ago

[WP] You just met your boyfriend's parents for the first time. You're about to reveal you're actually a space alien, when you realize his father is one, too.

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u/reallygoodbee — 1 month ago

[WP] These new "heroes". Brutes and morons, all of them. They always stand by Might Makes Right... until you show them what it's like being on the wrong side.

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u/reallygoodbee — 1 month ago

[WP] "I found them, and I did the only thing I was ever good at: I started killing. And I killed, and I killed, and I killed until there was no one left to kill. The men, the children in the castle, they will have prepared for an army. But there is no army. Not any more."

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u/reallygoodbee — 1 month ago

[WP] He chuckles through a lungful of blood, pulling a round black object out of his bag. "Go on without me... It's alright. I'm down to my joke anyway, and this one'll really knock 'em dead."

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u/reallygoodbee — 1 month ago

[WP] He tried to convince you that your life was over, that no one was coming. No more heroes left, he said. You almost believed him... and then the door came crashing off its hinges.

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u/reallygoodbee — 1 month ago

[WP] You just became a magical girl, and the organization gave you these limiter bracelets to keep you capped while not transformed... Oh. Oh dear. These are the same bracelets your sister wears.

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u/reallygoodbee — 1 month ago

[WP] "Matthias Morrison, superhero codename Raijin, you stand accused of murder in the second degree. What say you in your defense?" "I gave him a chance to surrender. He didn't take it. There was no other choice."

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u/reallygoodbee — 1 month ago

[WP] You are a magical girl. You have been tasked with capturing the Erymanthian Boar. It's the size of a dump-truck and as fast as a cheetah. Very little can stop it when it begins to charge.

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u/reallygoodbee — 2 months ago

[WP] You are a magical girl. You have been tasked with slaying the Lernaean Hydra, whose breath is poisonous, whose blood makes the air toxic, whose nine heads split and regrow instantly when cut off.

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u/reallygoodbee — 2 months ago

[WP] Your dog telling you about all the horrific, cartoonishly evil things the sitter did to him, like hitting him with the cat, and making him movies with 0% ratings on Rotten Tomatoes.

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u/reallygoodbee — 2 months ago

[WP] You are a magical girl. You have been tasked with slaying the Nemean Lion, whose pelt is utterly impervious to mortal weapons, whose claws are sharper than swords, and whose jaws can rip through any armor.

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u/reallygoodbee — 2 months ago