u/recyclistDC

Bolaji Badejo (23 August 1953 – 22 December 1992) was a Nigerian visual artist and a one-time actor, known for playing the Alien in Ridley Scott's 1979 film Alien. He was 208 cm (6 ft 10 inches) tall, a height which convinced Scott to cast him in the role. It is his sole acting credit.

After his return to Nigeria, Badejo began running his own art gallery in 1983. He died from sickle cell disease at the age of 39 in 1992.

Dates: August 20 to 23, 2026
Location: Washington DC, downtown
Country: USA

Explore DC on Foot, Bike, Metro and Snuggle with Olive

Request: seeking a sitter for three nights August 20 to 23. My other sitter backed out and I booked a yoga retreat to celebrate my birthday that weekend. Central DC, super transit accessible. Dog walker available Friday.

I'm having some folks over for  tonight.  I keep a vegan kitchen so I'm making plant-based tacos. I want to have a variety of things for people to make their own.  Here's what i'm thinking so far:

• Tofu,  marinated in adobo chipotle and baked
• Portobello mushroom strips, dipped in soy sauce and chili powder, seared
• Cauliflower, tossed with cumin and olive oil, baked
• Avocado slices
• Pickled red onion
• Cabbage slaw, with carrot / lime / cumin seed
• Tomatillo salsa
• Jalapeño, fresh minced
• Refried beans
• Corn tortillas

Am I missing anything that you really enjoy with your tacos?

ETA: I'm also a member of r/FuckCilantro so...

Hey, guys:

One of my favorite nights out is the Right Round dance party at the Black Cat. They put it on about every 3 months. Alt-80s dance party. Depeche Mode, Smiths, Cure, Dead or Alive, New Order, Joy Division, early INXS, Eurythmics, A-ha, etc.

There are often a handful of other gays there but not as many as I'd expect. Are other DC homos into this music?

I'd be happy to meet up with anyone who might be interested but doesn't want to go alone. DM me.

I usually go with my college friends but they're married with kids in the burbs and sometimes can't get away.

https://www.blackcatdc.com/shows/right-round.html

I'm trying to find a last-minute sitter and the template on the forum asks me to include the URL to my Sit listing. I can't find that URL anywhere. There is no share icon on the Sit page. I don't think copying/pasting the url from the address bar on the browser window is the right appraoch. The documentation and Frankie are useless. Would appreciate any tips, thanks!

Hi, friends:

First post here, thanks in advance for your kindness. I searched this sub on this topic before posting and didn't really find what I was looking for.

TL/DR: Struggling with toxic shame, not sure how to move beyond it.

Me: 52m living in the US.

I just finished reading The Velvet Rage. Much of it still holds up, at least for me. For those who haven't read it, it describes three stages of evolution of the gay man oversimplified here: closeted (toxic shame), out and flamboyant (inauthentic validation), out and whole (authentic validation).

I feel like I'm stuck in stage 1 even though I came out decades ago.

Some key aspects of my life so far:

• Raised in a catholic household with an abusive older brother who teased me for being gay before either of us really knew what it meant. Parents failed to help me feel safe at home.
• Kissed a boy on the nose in 2nd grade (catholic school) and got ridiculed for it; other than what the teacher said at the time, I was never provided any counseling or affirmation that what I had done was "okay".
• Had a variety of traumatic experiences related to sexuality as a kid: getting caught jerking off, reading the bible, learning about AIDS.
• Was closeted first two years of college, gradually started coming out to friends my junior year.
• Met a guy at a bar at the age of 20 (they didn't card me!) who swept me off my feet, plied me with booze, and took me home. This was my first sexual experience with a guy. We never had penetrative sex. I found out a week later that he was likely HIV+. Though I did not contract HIV from him, this experience halted any interest in sexual exploration and replaced it with months and months, years really, of shame and anxiety despite starting therapy just months after. I struggled with anxiety around sex until I went on PrEP, 22 years after this experience.
• Came out to my high school friends on my 21st birthday; came out to my parents when I was 24. Neither of these experiences provided any relief.
• I've spent my life tying my self worth to relationships with others, sometimes romantic relationships and sometimes just good friends: the strain of the co-dependence always destroyed the relationships and left me feeling destroyed as well. I often entered these relationships out of a sense of duty, not because it was what I wanted.

As a result: The concept of gay pride is completely foreign to me. I get anxious at gay bars. I don't have or wear any clothing that would identify me as gay. Overtly gay sexual expression (e.g. wearing Nasty Pig hats and jocks) is a huge turn-off for me. The handful of trips I've taken to Provincetown have proven very triggering. I try to attend pride events (parade, festival) to connect with people but don't particularly enjoy the experience. Particularly challenging was attending meetings of the LGBTQ+ affinity group at my job.

I don't identify with the term "gay man", neither the gay part nor the man part. The word "gay" is loaded with a lot of meaning that I can't tolerate to be identified with. I spend far too much emotional energy trying to ensure I'm not associated with gay stereotypes despite my same-sex attraction. (Honestly, trying to type "attraction to men" here gave me an "ick" feeling.)

Interestingly, I don't have shame around the sex act itself. It's the gay culture and the gay stereotypes that I've always found triggering.

I've been in therapy since I was 20. I've read up on CPTSD and shifted my therapy toward trauma work. I've explored treatment with MDMA (2x) and mushrooms (1x). I've tried EMDR. I recently spent 10 weeks in an intensive outpatient program as a result of workplace stress and anxiety where I worked on some core childhood traumas.

Having recently completed the Velvet Rage, I've asked my therapist (gay man, mid 60s, trauma focused) to help me make progress on getting over this toxic shame. However, none of the core memories of my trauma really carry a lot of distress any longer, which is apparently part of the EMDR process.

Has anyone else had success digging yourself out of such a deep pit of toxic shame? What am I doing wrong or failing to do as I try to address this life-long, debilitating mindset?

Available for no-contact pick-up today or this weekend in Shaw.

The Vegetarian Society of DC is hosting an LGBTQ+ meet-up at the smithsonian american art museum. Looks like a good way for any veg or veg-curious DC Gay Bros are welcome to meet some new people outside of a bar/club environment. I'm not the organizer, just looking to meet people with similar values. Thursday May 21, 5:30p.

https://www.meetup.com/vegan-dc-md-va/events/314633798/?utm_medium=referral&utm_campaign=share-btn_savedevents_share_modal&utm_source=link&utm_version=v2&member_id=39310052