u/rickelnickelpickle

I have two friends, both about 30. Between 2017-2026 they’ve had 7 children. The first 5 were girls, 6 was the boy they were trying for and they just had their 7th this week.

They live in a 900 sq ft trailer and it’s absolutely falling apart. Ceiling tiles are falling in, there are soft spots in the floor. If you step on the soft spots in the kitchen the appliances start moving towards you. The bathroom reeks of mildew and mold, the have portable A/C units that still leave the house so hot you sweat while walking, the back bedroom is so hot that the kids can’t sleep in it. They don’t have a bed for every child, some soft spots have caved in and turned into full blown holes you can see straight through, diaper boxes and are lined nearly to the ceiling. They don’t have a car big enough to fit the whole family.

Aside from living conditions, they are good parents and good people. The kids are always fed, the house has plenty of food, they’re clean, hair done, school work done. Plenty of clothes that are always washed. Their mom hardly yells, always loves on them, supports and tried her best to distribute time but it’s just not enough. Their kids don’t fear them even a little.

The kids are fearful of everything else though. Over the week I babysat the kids at their home. They’re attention starved to the highest degree. If I sat I had 4 minimum on me. They would smack at me to get my attention if I was talking to another adult or another child. They intentionally hurt themselves to get my attention, they exaggerated even mild bumps with screaming until they literally didn’t have enough air in their lungs to scream, I wasn’t even able to spray sunscreen on the oldest without her freaking out screaming she was scared of spray. They wouldn’t even go potty alone.

The parents have enough in savings to move to a bigger and safer trailer, but every time I bring it up mom gets upset and meets me with “I don’t wanna buy another trailer! I want a house!” But despite her wants, her family makes a lot less than mine and she wants to live in the second most expensive city in our area and absolutely won’t settle.

I know why she wants to buy a house, she hates storms in a trailer, but it’s either move to a bigger trailer now or wait for 3-5 years for a house.

I don’t want to call CPS, the thought of it is killing me. They really do love their kids, and if mom could fix the house herself she would. But it’s getting bad, and more and more dangerous with every child and I’m not sure they’re gonna stop anytime soon despite what they say. My sister finally jumped my ass this week and hit me with “are you really afraid of losing friends who live like that? Are you really more concerned about hurt feelings than a child’s safety?” And I know she’s right.

I (31F) have been with my boyfriend (33M) for 15 years. We have three children together. Two of them are young teenagers and the other is eight.

I am at this point desperate to leave him. The first decade of our relationship was spent with his constant infidelity and physical, emotional, financial, mental, and everything in between abuse. Unfortunately, I was a teenager and a neglectful home and thought this man was going to be the love of my life and my ticket out of hell. And it just turned into a whole new hell.

The worst of the abuse stopped about five years ago, but as a human being, he is awful, and I am miserable beyond belief. He has kept me as a stay at home mom this entire time and every time I have tried to work, I am prevented, when I tried to go back to school, he made sure to make it so difficult that even my professors noticed my work was garbage because I truly had no assistance from him within the home or with the children. At this point, the relationship is just gone, and I feel nothing but resentment towards him. I try and talk to him how I feel, I’ve tried to bring up marriage counseling, but nothing works. He’s an incredibly defensive person and if I say, I feel unloved, he screams at me about all the ways I’m incorrect. All the things he does to show love.

The problem being, on the outside he’s a nice guy. Most people don’t know about the abuse and when I tell people I’m usually met with “but he’s so nice. I can’t believe he would ever do that. Was something wrong?” people have gone so far as to say we must’ve been living in a haunted house, and he was being possessed by ghost because there’s no way this man could ever lay his hands on somebody. He’s a kiss ass to everyone around so everyone believes he’s truly nice. If you’re in an emergency, he’ll get up at three in the morning to pull you out. If you need help with your kids, he’ll snag all five of them and watch them for the day. Unfortunately, those things usually fall on me as I am left watching the children he brings over. And when he’s done saving the day, he goes back to bed and I am left parenting alone all day.

Leaving the nice guys hard enough, but his family is just as bad as he is and that’s what makes leaving hard. I have no job, no education. I try and talk about working and he shuts it down telling me I need to finish school first. I’m sure if I go back and finish school they’ll be a reason I can’t work, but it never seems to matter. His family will make this hell for me and if that means his mom shells out hundreds of thousands for the best lawyer she can to ensure that he rips the kids away from me she will. This woman has sued so many people it is unreal. She has no problem lying in court. She made attempts to sue me when my partner was arrested in 2012 for domestic violence. She went to a lawyer and told them that I repeatedly called his job until he got fired and that’s what sent him over the edge. To this day, I have no idea what she’s talking about. I never called his job. His family all hates each other but the minute someone who’s not blood hurt someone in the family they all band together. They all live in the same place too my family is spread out and frankly, I don’t have supportive family or I wouldn’t be in this situation.

I’m at the point where I know I have to leave. My hair is falling out, I’ve gained so much weight, my face is always puffy, I’m always tired and I cry more than I don’t, but I’m scared. I live in an area that’s relatively expensive and I have no idea how I’m going to make ends meet. Most of all I have no idea how I’m going to prevent our children from hating me. When I say he is perceived as the nice guy, I truly mean it. He will start an awful fight with me, drag me down all day, force me to go to his family‘s house where I watch all the kids while he hangs out with his family and torture me all day and when we get home, I’m the one with the attitude. I’m the one that the kids see upset while their father is happy go lucky and automatically I’m put at fault for ruining the mood in the house. I know if I leave they’re going to hate me. I know if I move them out of their schools they’re going to hate me.

I don’t know how much I need to leave. I don’t know how far I can get without him. My car is tracked, but I can’t afford another one. My phone is on location, I can’t afford one he won’t know about. I don’t know how to start. Or where. Or when. I’ve been with him since I was 15 and I don’t know anything else.

How did you all leave?