u/rockytalky11

i'm getting this taken to an ent but either way i still want to know about any possibilities here

so sometimes my uvula starts bleeding a little, back in december it was really bad but now it's just recurring but VERY mild (tiny amounts of blood only). it happens like every couple of weeks i'd say, there's just some blood in my spit that i'm pretty sure is coming from my uvula because last time i went to the doctor they found my uvula bleeding so

i also have a very mild sore throat when it happens, and no i'm not doing anything to irritate my throat so idk what's going on. i get worried a lot honestly i just want some possibilities cause it bugs me to not have any idea at all

i have a belief that i think sounds ridiculous enough to where it might be considered a delusion but also i don't know what to think of it. basically i think there's someone out there who can "check in" on me, as in see what i'm seeing, hear what i'm doing, know what i'm thinking, etc.

i have no idea if this belief would be considered a delusion or not? it's baseless but it feels real, how real it feels honestly depends on the day because sometimes it's just "it might be there" (but always leaning towards being actually there), to fully believing it. i can kind of sense when they're "checking in" on me, i kind of just know. sometimes it's unclear though.

i'm not sure if delusions(?) would be my only psychotic symptom, i don't really hallucinate and i'm pretty sure my words are mostly together, but i have looked into some disorganized thought patterns and i could have those sometimes. wouldn't say i meet criteria 4 and 5 for schizophrenia (disorganized/catatonic behavior or negative symptoms).

i have a family history of psychosis (mom and i think my brother too), probably pretty significant trauma, and i'd say i'm a pretty heavy weed user. those are my risks for psychosis.

but i don't know which direction. today i got 1 hour and 30 minutes of sleep. i feel physically terrible, but mentally i'm doing awesome. my brain's about to fall out. that's okay. i don't know if it's okay but maybe it is. things are interesting today despite so little happening. everything and nothing happen in my life. every day is a day closer to going to a concert though, it'll be my first concert. i'm excited for it all. yea.

as of now i am waiting for some bullshit. i love today.