u/ru-ster

I really get what it's trying to say, and how that may work for some people. Restriction often IS what leads to binge episodes. However, for me, anything that is not binging feels like restriction. I don't know how to escape this mindset 🥲

I've been struggling with BED since COVID - I would have been 11 years old then. So pretty long standing problem. In 2025, I got to my biggest weight at 236lbs, 5'9. I was very very very unhappy, and started trying to get back down to a healthy weight. Fast forward to today, I have lost around 70 lbs. Though much rarer, my binges still happen.

I used to be able to pack away endless amounts of food with no consequence. Like I mean genuinely enough food to feed a family of four for a week within an hour and would barely even bloat. However, I started noticing around the beginning of June that even after eating small amounts of food I would have gastric symptoms such as severe bloating, fullness, vomitting, abdominal pain and discomfort. So if this is how I feel even with a little food, you can only imagine how these binges make me feel - they are physically unbearable. I will throw up for hours on end, be so bloated I seriously feel like my ribs are being forced out and my spine pushed back, like my stomach is going to rip open. You get the gist.

At the beginning of august, my mom took me to the emergency room. I was experiencing these symptoms so badly and I was in so much pain. I thought I was dying. I hadn't even binged this day, just ate a pretty standard amount of food. Anyway when we got to the hospital I got some tests done, including a CT scan with contrast - this is where they found something called SMA syndrome, a rare vascular compression disorder which basically creates a blockage at my duodenum - this essentially traps the food in my stomach. This disorder explains my symptoms perfectly, and it is often brought on / revealed / worsened after weight loss. I was hospitalized for four nights and given a temporary NG tube to suction out my stomach.

So essentially, food makes me feel like absolute crap now. I wish I could say it stops my desire to binge, but it really doesn't. I want to stop so so so so SO bad - I don't want to put myself through the immense pain and suffering that binging now causes me. But sometimes I just can't ignore the food noise in my head anymore.

I've been on a four day binge bender. I don't even know if you could truly call these binges anymore - mentally, I've felt in my binge state for sure, but I can't even eat that much before symptoms are brought on. Regardless, I have spent the last four days violently ill. Puking endlessly - my esophagus feels so badly burnt. I'm so disgustingly bloated and uncomfortable. My whole body aches in pain. I am so physically uncomfortable I just want to cry. But despite this feeling, I just keep repeating it day after day - keep giving in to the urge to binge. Keep putting myself through this. I'm so frustrated, and I don't know how to stop. I can't cater to one disorder without pissing off the other. I feel so stuck.

I knowwww, calories in calories out - but I always find that when I feel like I'm stuck / reached a bit of a plateau, a cheat day / meal always seems to get the scale and my progress moving again. I know that things like water weight and glycogen can mask fat loss, and a cheat meal can help lower cortisol which might be why it gets things moving again and yada yada yada - but seeing the scale be stuck even when I know I'm in a deficit can be so disheartening, and I find myself considering it.

Is it better to push through the plateau / stuck scale when I'm sure I'm in a calorie deficit, or is it better to have the cheat meal which I know will likely lead me to see a new low number after a few days? Any and all thoughts welcome 🙏

I have been trying SO HARD. I want this more than anything, and it just feels like my body won't let me have it.

Last night I went out for dinner and drinks with some family / friends. They all ordered these fun cocktails - what did I have? water. They had pastas, fried foods, etc. while I picked something I didn't even like because I thought it would be a lower calorie option. Didn't eat anything the whole day beforehand. Got home and my family ordered ice cream - I watched.

This morning I weighed and I am up 1.6 pounds from yesterday morning - much higher than my weight FROM THE PREVIOUS WEEK. I DONT UNDERSTAND HOW THIS IS POSSIBLE. It feels so unfair. It feels like I am doing this, sacrificing my nights out and never allowing myself to have fun all for nothing. I cannot safely cut my calories any lower - I am already eating way less than I should. I am seriously so at a loss. It has been well over a year of this misery for me. I am so done.

UPDATE: I was extremely upset and riled up when I made this post. I absolutely did not expect the resonse, encouragement, and community from so many. Thank you to everyone who left something 💓 it was so helpful to me and I am feeling much calmer and more understanding now.

I should add, over the last year I have lost 70+lbs, so I know it works. I don't know why I let the scale upset me SO much, it's definitely something I am going to work on!

How accurate do you guys think the nutritional information provided by chain restaurants are?

For example, tonight I ate half of a small Biscoff blizzard from Dairy Queen. On Dairy Queens website, it is listed as 570 calories. Since I only ate half (and I know it was exactly half because I weighed the whole thing and then took half out), I logged it at 285. Now I'm all in my head thinking about how off it may have been and how I might have just chucked my deficit for the day out the window 😅 maybe they used more toppings then usual, a little extra ice cream, etc. I know calorie counting isn't a perfect science, but I like to at least get close. How far off can this information REALLY be?

Over the last year, I have lost a significant amount of weight through a calorie deficit - about 75lbs. Prior to this, I was quite overweight and very unhappy. Losing this weight has significantly improved my mental state.

I have had digestive issues my whole life. In the last couple months, these issues are the absolute worst they have ever been. I can barely eat anything before I feel so full and uncomfortable and bloated - like genuinely a few too many sips of water makes me feel like I just downed enough food for a family of six. I throw up almost everything I try to eat. The fullness lasts for hours, sometimes it's even days before I feel normal again. My stomach will literally feel like it's going to explode, it will be so horribly distended / rock hard, and I will be in such awful pain.

About a week ago I was in such severe pain and relentlessly throwing up. My mom drove me to the ER. My usual resting heart rate is around 60 - it was 131 when taken for triage. I have never felt pain like that in my life. I had various tests done including x-rays, blood work, and a ct scan - the ct scan is where they found my problem. I was diagnosed with the super rare SMA syndrome - superior mesenteric artery syndrome. Basically my artery clamps down on my duodenum and creates a blockage. This aligns perfectly with and explains all of my symptoms. I had an NG tube placed to suction out my stomach and spent four nights in the hospital.

While I am so grateful to finally have answers, I am also struggling with my options moving forward. While surgery is available, it is quite invasive and my doctors would like to avoid it at all costs. They want me to instead gain some weight back in order to rebuild the visceral fat pad around my artery to reduce my symptoms (this explains why my symptoms have gotten bad lately / after my weight loss - before I had that fat pad to protect me). Doing this would be SO horrible for my mental health. I'm currently in the higher end of my normal BMI range, and I'm not even where I wanted to be yet - I still wanted to lose about 25 more pounds. So gaining weight just feels like a step in the wrong direction, but being violently ill everyday isn't great either. I feel like I have to choose between my mental health and my physical health and I hate that so much. I wish I could just have both.

I have an appointment with a dietician coming up. I don't think I'm going to like what they tell me, as the goal with that is to healthily gain back some weight. I'm nervous and I'm sad. I'm not going to rush out and lose anymore weight right now, but I definitely don't wanna gain any back either. I feel so stuck.