u/rubyrubygreen

I’m a reservist in the military going on a 5 week work training trip. It could be worse… I could be deployed so I can’t complain too much but I’ll be thousands of miles away with a six hour time difference.

I’ll be leaving my 21 month old with my husband, and his parents so he’ll be well cared for but I’m worried about how I’m going to do and whether my child will forget me.

This trip will probably be the end of our breastfeeding journey, and I don’t know if I’m more worried about him or about me.

I want to do brief once a day FaceTime but my husband thinks regular FaceTime might make baby upset and start looking for me.

For those who’ve done a long separation from a toddler:

- Did you FaceTime?
- Did it help or make things harder?
- Did your child seem to understand where you went? And that you won’t be back for awhile?
- How was the reunion when you got home?

And please be honest—did your toddler forget about you, even temporarily? That’s probably my biggest fear right now.

I’m going on my first TDY since becoming a mom is coming up, and I’m struggling with it more than I expected.

I’ll be leaving my 21 month old with my husband, and his parents so he’ll be well cared for. But I’ll be gone for 5 weeks, thousands of miles away with a six hour time difference.

I’m usually the one who does bedtime, mornings, co-sleeps with him, and nurses before bed and before wake-up. This trip will probably be the end of our breastfeeding journey, and I don’t know if I’m more worried about him or about me.

I want to do brief once a day FaceTime but my husband thinks regular FaceTime might make baby upset and start looking for me.

For those who’ve done a TDY, school, deployment, or other long separation from a toddler:

- Did you FaceTime?
- Did it help or make things harder?
- Did your child seem to understand where you went? And that you won’t be back for awhile?
- How was the reunion when you got home?

And please be honest—did your toddler forget about you, even temporarily? That’s probably my biggest fear right now.

Body
I used to think full snap pajamas were stupid and the worse gift when baby was an infant. I hated lining up and snapping the bazillion buttons when for a few buck more you can get zipper pajamas.

But dressing a standing, thrashing toddler in zipper footies is a full-contact sport and taking them off and back on to potty is just as difficult.

So we switched to snaps. Thought we solved it.

Last night at 4am he proved me wrong. I woke up to scream crying.

I don’t know what triggered this rage but when I found him, he had gone FULL Hulk ripping open his snap PJs.

He unsnapped not one, not two, but Every. Single. Snap.
Down the middle, along both legs, even the ankle ones. All 10 snaps.

He couldn’t get his arms out. So he was just stuck there with what’s now an open tangled robe. He’s half naked, cold, and furious about the situation he created.

I genuinely cannot tell if he carefully practiced fine motor skills in his sleep to undo each button, especially the leg ones… or just rage-ripped everything open like Superman and powered through it.

He woke up crying way harder than usual, and when I snapped him back in he LOST it. Full “no no no.”

Um, excuse me but you did this to yourself…

Please tell me your kid has also made an unhinged middle-of-the-night decision and then blamed you for it.

We sleep trained at 9 months and had ~5 great months where he could fall asleep independently after a brief cry.

At 15 months, we switched to full-time cosleeping (sidecar crib) because I was exhausted from multiple middle-of-the-night wakeups and crying. It helped — he cries less now and usually just whines for me or nurses to settle.

But now at 18 months, bedtime has gotten much harder.

We have a short, consistent routine, but once we’re in bed:

- Only wants to nurse, but won’t fall asleep doing it (and it’s painful now with teeth)
- Cries when I unlatch him, then rolls all over me seeking contact
- Pushes me away if I try to cuddle, while still crying for me
- Rocking calms him but doesn’t put him to sleep
- Gets overtired and more upset the longer it goes on

What used to work (rolling around on me until he passed out) doesn’t anymore.

Now we’re spending ~1 hour in bed every night before he finally falls asleep. The later he sleeps, the earlier he seems to wake too. I don’t allow getting out of bed until at least 5:50am

Interestingly, his grandma can rock him to sleep within 15 minutes right after his bedtime routine without this issue.

For those cosleeping with toddlers:
What does your bedtime actually look like?
How long does it take your toddler to fall asleep?
Did you go through this around 18 months? What helped?

Not looking to sleep train again, but open to gentle changes that work within a cosleeping setup.