Struggling with how Molly died 8 months later
Molly (right, 17 years in that photo) was Daisy’s (left, 14 years) and my best friend. Molly lived for 2 more days after the first photo was taken.
She had been having fainting episodes once per day, and then 2-3 times daily for the last year of her life. She was under veterinary care. A couple of times the vet had “the talk” with me about her time coming, but it never seemed to actually arrive. She was developing congestive heart failure.
She was very happy at home. She slept a lot, but when she woke up I would hold her, lift her on and off the couch and bed, and then she would run over and check Daisy, then always be ready for the next thing. She was going blind, so I would guide her on the leash, and help her over the curbs, but she loved walks and was always very excited to go once she got the swing of me helping her navigate. She ate a normal amount right until the end.
Basically, yes she was old, but we both adapted to life’s changes, and I know she was genuinely happy and loving life.
The day after the first photo here, after 3 fainting episodes, Molly just looked tired. I don’t know how to describe it, but she was not looking aware, and just looked like being at home was finally too much. I scheduled her euthanasia for two days later.
That night, Molly went on her pre-dinner walk, collapsed while on it, and I carried her home quickly. She regained some consciousness after getting home, but the moment had come. She was scheduled for the next day, but didn’t make it. She went peacefully within 20 minutes, in the living room, on her pillow (it was a pillow i got her when she became an old girl, so I could move it around the house with me and she could still be close). Daisy witnessed it. Molly just became less conscious and panting, and it was clear she would not survive driving to the emergency hospital. She passed, and I was somewhat unsure if it had happened, but rigor mortis began to set in.
I know that is an ideal way to go for some pet owners, but I struggle with whether I should have let her get to that point. Was she happy? Would she have wanted me to put her down if she had the choice? I just don’t believe so in my heart of hearts. She just had an incredible zest for life. But should I have stepped in and made that choice for her? She was fainting daily, going blind, but was happy and could walk; and we adapted to curbs, beds, and couches. She would listen to Dan Gibson’s Solitudes or Enya with Daisy when I was at work. It just never seemed like it was right to step in and end it when she seemed so content. It actually made me think a lot about how society is sometimes dismissive of elderly people, and that Molly had earned the right to take a bit longer doing things; I didn’t see it as “she stopped being able to do that, so it’s time to put her down.”
I guess I struggle with this because I had not thought much about ageing previously in my life. I had this idealized notion that she would die in her sleep or would get cancer or something that would make the choice obvious. It was never obvious.
Did I make the right choice? Should I have stepped in sooner? Daisy will hopefully have the opportunity to get to 17 too, but what if she needs more help? When an owner is able to help a senior dog adapt to going blind etc, does that extend their life or is it inhumane to let them keep going with ailments like that? My gut tells me I made the right decisions, but maybe I can’t see the forest for the trees.
Any thoughts are most welcome.