u/saddie-hi-reh-jaugi

You know those movies where one habit or decision slowly starts destroying everything, and even after everything falls apart, the main character still goes back to it because it's familiar and comfortable?

I feel like I'm doing that with romantic attention.

I know it's not actually making me happy. I know I've started giving way too much space in my life to relationships, affection, and just the feeling of having someone.

But whenever I feel lonely or emotionally overwhelmed, I still end up reaching for the same thing because it's the easiest way to feel something for a little while.

And then afterwards I'm back to the same emptiness, sometimes even worse.

It's like I KNOW the pattern while I'm still repeating it.

I don't want to become completely detached from love or relationships either. I still want to fall in love and have my person someday.

I just don't want to keep making my life revolve around finding one.

You know those movies where one habit or decision slowly starts destroying everything, and even after everything falls apart, the main character still goes back to it because it's familiar and comfortable?

I feel like I'm doing that with romantic attention.

I know it's not actually making me happy. I know I've started giving way too much space in my life to relationships, affection, and just the feeling of having someone.

But whenever I feel lonely or emotionally overwhelmed, I still end up reaching for the same thing because it's the easiest way to feel something for a little while.

And then afterwards I'm back to the same emptiness, sometimes even worse.

It's like I KNOW the pattern while I'm still repeating it.

I don't want to become completely detached from love or relationships either. I still want to fall in love and have my person someday.

I just don't want to keep making my life revolve around finding one.

Before late 2025, I was never someone who constantly thought about relationships or needing a partner. I was pretty okay on my own, focused on my own stuff, didn't feel like something was "missing."

But over the past few months, something shifted. Now I find myself thinking about love, companionship, and "having someone" way more than I'd like to. It's like my mind keeps going back to it, even when I want to focus on other things.

I don't think it's about a specific person anymore, more like the idea of not wanting to be alone long-term. And I don't like how much space it's taking up in my head.

For people who've gone through something similar, how do you decentralize love/relationships from your life again and feel content on your own?

I was feeling extremely low. I had also had a fight with my long-distance (and only) best friend, so I wasn't even reacting to the reels she was sending me.

Today she surprised me with a crochet bouquet and a bracelet. It wasn't about the gift itself. It was the feeling that someone cared enough to think about me.

And suddenly... I felt okay again.

Sometimes I think it's a good thing that I don't stay sad for too long. But then I wonder if my mood gets influenced too easily. It doesn't even have to be a gift. Sometimes just one text from someone saying they missed me or were thinking about me is enough to make my whole day better.

Does anyone else experience this? Is it normal for your emotional state to change so quickly just because you felt seen or cared for?

I (24F) matched with a guy (26M) on Hinge a few weeks ago. We clicked almost instantly and moved to Instagram within a day. We talked for a few days, and then met in person.

Things became physical quite early. I'm inexperienced, so intimacy wasn't as straightforward as either of us expected. I accidentally left an earring at his place, so I went back the next day to collect it. We spent more time together, and although things still weren't exactly smooth physically, we also went out to eat and just enjoyed each other's company.

At one point I asked if we'd "try again," and his facial expression looked a little disappointed. I also told him that because of a previous heartbreak, I'd started believing the only way I could feel loved was through physical intimacy. He immediately disagreed and told me it wasn't just that.

A few days later (2nd August), we had plans to watch a movie. Before that, my brother found out about him. My brother said he was okay with me meeting him that day, but because my CA exams are in about a month, he wanted me to block contact with this guy until my exams were over so I could focus. I agreed.

I explained this to the guy and asked if he'd wait. He said he wasn't sure because he felt we might never figure out the physical side of our relationship, but he also said, "Let's see."

After the movie we spent some time together again. While he was working, I wrote him a small handwritten note. He smiled but also told me, "Please don't write something that stresses me even more." He explained work had become extremely stressful, that he might even get scolded in the office the next day, and he was clearly overwhelmed.

The following day I texted him:

Me: "Can I ask you something?"

Him: "Not right now."

Me: "Why?"

Him: "Busy."

Me: "Okay."

He saw the "okay" and never replied after that.

Now my brain is spiraling.

Part of me genuinely believes he's just overwhelmed because he'd already warned me how stressful work was becoming.

The other part of me thinks this is how people slowly fade away.

Earlier this year I had a situationship that ended badly, and throughout that entire thing my anxiety kept telling me something was wrong... and it turned out I was right. Since then, I don't trust my own judgment anymore.

The strange thing is that with this new guy, I felt incredibly calm from the very beginning. That's unusual for me. This is the first time I've felt that old anxiety return.

At this point I've decided I probably won't contact him again until after my CA exams (mid-September), unless he reaches out first.

From an outsider's perspective, does this sound like someone who's genuinely overwhelmed with work, or does it sound like he's slowly losing interest?

I'm okay with honest answers. I just don't know if I'm seeing reality or if my previous heartbreak is making me expect the worst.

Took chatgpt help to write this all