u/samsonscomputer

Hi all,

There are days i feel compassion for my parts and my system. And i will also tell them that and sit with them. I will have deep compassion and acceptance.

But there are other days I just cannot feel that and I will feel hatred or resentment or feel stuck with the same parts and system.

What do i do on those days? Do i just fake compassion or do i show my hatred for them? If i show compassion then i am faking it. I i show hatred/resentment then I feel like they feel hurt/sad as they were just coping. How do u guys deal with this?

Additional question: why do we feel one day deep compassion to our parts and system, but on other days we feel the opposite?

exiles
i dont need to fix you
fixing is only for things that are broken
you are not things
neither broken
just in pain
my children
let me heal you
you became fragmented
adapted
to a harsh environment
no child should go through that
definitely not mine
the worst is behind us
an adult could survive that
how could you my children
i wonder how you survived
i guess i always will
i cannot comprehend
but i am an adult
how can an adult not comprehend
how did a child comprehend it then
and adapt
it was great injustice
to you my children
grave
error
hard
no love
starved
not for food
but love
true love
and you grew up
how could u grow up
if u never received love
true love
no wonder i carry that
how could u have grown up
with such coldness
with no warmth
for your sadness
anger
how did u manage
did u just count down the days
such grave injustice
i am so sorry

I noticed today that when I speak to people I have either a superior or shaming undertone, depending on the conext, conversation, person, etc. It's very subtle and the other person will most of the time not even pick up on it.

I even tried today, after noticing it, to change it but I cant. Now i see it a lot of the time even in mundane conversations. It's just there, this subcurrent/undertone and very subtle. It just feels off and superficial, i dont know how else to describe it. Also my delivery can feel like that too.

Some more background/info: I have also realised today I am a covert narcissist, maybe not fully but i do tick the boxes. Also moral narcissism and intellectual narcissism. It's deep and very subtle as well. I believe to hide the shame of my childhood abuse and i make myself feel superior but deeply insecure deep inside of me. Even tho i am big ass people pleaser. It's hard to understand and know and look at myself in the mirror knowing all this. Very very humbling. I am also in therapy, somatic experiencing so now this is all coming to the surface.

Does anyone recognise this superior and shaming tone when they speak? How do u explain it from Jung pov? Share your thoughts, interested to know them.

I have a hard time standing up to my parents and putting my boundaries down already.

But I feel it gets even worse when I am being bribed (for lack of a better word).

For example: we go out as a family sometimes and then my parents pay most of the bill. And afterwards if they do something i dont like and i wanna say something about it, i feel like i cant because they paid for most of the bill. Because now i am being ungrateful. And it's a cycle of them doing nice things/bribing and i have to just go with it. It's so dysfunctional...

Anyone else experience this? Idk if i explained it properly