u/saskatchewnmanitoba

Doesn't have to be feminist in nature (but can be) or any particular subject genre.

I am trying to read more books written by women. Bonus points for non-white women but ethnicity/racial background isnt the primary goal.

My favourite books written by women include:

The Vegetarian by Han Kang

Circe by Madeline Miller

Pachincko by Min Jin Lee

The Hunger Games series by Suzanne Collins

Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn

Honorable mention due to its impact:

The Rape of Nanking by Iris Chang

Seriously this is just a place for people to dogpile on FAs because their ex dumped them. Sometimes I wonder if the people here have any self awareness.

Seriously I feel so weary.

Just an example: get ready for work, my alarm saying I need to leave goes off. I go put my shoes and coat on and then realize I forgot deodorant. Go to the bathroom and brush my hair and then go back to put my coat on. Realize I still forgot deodorant. Go back to the bathroom and clean hair off the floor. Back to door. Back to the bathroom. Forget why im there. Back to the door. Back to the bathroom. Realize I didnt turn off the lights or fans. Back to the door. Back to the bathroom. Second alarm saying I really need to leave goes off. Finally get deodorant on and leave. Im late for work again.

Another is messaging. Im tired of trying to remeber all of the people i need to respond to and then once i respond they respond back and I have to respond again. Sounds stupid but even socializing feels like a massive chore. I post on reddit instead because at least I dont have to worry about a back and forth on social media like in real life.

Im tired of always being late and forgetting things so I dont want to leave the house.

I am feeling a little afraid because I feel like Ive reached terminal exhaustion. My psychiatrist keeps telling me to change my lifestyle but I'm too tired and cant keep my thoughts straight after a 40h work week. Im trying to seek a medical workup but i keep forgetting to call and everything is only open during business hours. Then I have to actually go to the appointment (which stresses me out because how will I get there on time? (Yes I know stupid as hell) and what do I need to bring and how do i make sure i dont forget?)

Once I had a mid 40s patient call worried about dementia because they were so forgetful. I remember being amused because it turned out they had adhd but forgot to refill their prescription for years so it was probably "just" ADHD (dont worry, still provided support and referred them for an assessment). Now I relate so hard because honestly I feel like I have dementia. I think I almost want to have some organic brain disease because I dont want to live a life like this much longer. Its like a mental prison.

I honestly dont know what to do. Even today my psychologist said I was unlikable. I was talking a lot and immediately started to defend myself rather than ask why he said that. I plan to ask next time I see him as maybe I misunderstood something.

I know not everyone hates me. Many people have expressed appreciation because I am genuine, a team player, and advocate not just for myself but for everyone in my circle. I try very hard to be the person I want other poeple to be for me. I'm not perfect but I work really hard to address my flaws. I just keep getting judged, misunderstood, and treated as a nuisance when I ask for help.

Anyways, I just want to curl up and disappear. I try so hard and am just constantly failing and getting hate. Obviously something about me is just not good enough. The only reason I dont off myself is because I dont want to traumatize the people around me but seriously what am I living for?

I know this isn't a career advice sub but I am just trying since im finding I am really struggling in the executive dysfunction side.

How do you all go about finding a job? Even looking is tiring and I have a very hard time writing resumes and cover letters. I will spend 4 hours just on one job application.

I dont know if I should try hiring someone or what.

I also think i need a career change but idk what to do since I already have a job that people suggest for people with ADHD (emergency nurse) and its killing my mental health. Since mental health issues are pre-existing and having them openly out there is severely career limiting I am trying to hide it but I have a feeling I'm at the end of my career.

Anyways, if anyone has anything helpful to suggest or even just relates i would appreciate it. If you want to comment to hate on me please just ignore the post.

Im going through a very stresssful time right now with nuktuple triggers. Trying to ride it out but I have been having meltdowns (alone in my apartment) the past few days after work and I feel abandoned and caged in.

Anyways. Not much more to say.

My dad isnt much better as anything emotional scares him away BUT he has been working on that.

To be fair my mom is also working on herself.

I just don't understand why my parents dont care about me unless I have something positive to say. When I need help they retreat.

Just a vent.

Idk if I would function in any society but the high importance of being on time, being able to function with constant interruption, maintaining relationships with constant messaging, all the stupid apps ans website accounts with their usernames and passwords that I cant freaking remember, 2 factor authentication so I always need my stupid phone on me, web pages timing out after 5 minutes of inactivity, being dismissed for being forgetful, being seen as cold for minimizing socialization at work and school so I can actually get my work done, being seen as emotionally unstable because I get overstimulated when multiple people talk to me at the same time, always having spelling errors/grammar/other errors no matter how much I proof read, being annoying for rambling, etc.

Idk. Im just getting really tired. Like why are basic human functions so much. Why is remembering things too hard. Everyone gets frustrated with me. I dont even want to leave my house anymore because ill be late and forget to bring something I need. I cant plan a trip because its overwhelming and ill book the flight for the wrong day by accident.

I try to stay positive but right now my soon to be ex is calling me everything but a good person as pur divorce is getting closer to being finalized, my parents say I'm too much, there is a ton of constructuon around my home driving me nuts, and I need a new job. Im just so tired and sad. My psychiatirst and psychologist even seem frustrated and just give me the usual advice when I start voicing my struggles.

In this world the attitude is basically help yourself. What happens when I cant? Im too tired and dysfunctional. I actually asked for MAID (Stupid of me since Id never get approved and it adds to the craziness). Im just exhausted and feel the walls closing around me. Im just begging for a rope to climb and people tell me I have to make my own rope. Like fuck.