u/scarrlet

Hi frens. It's been a while since I needed to soo.

Every day Meowmy come home from work an da first fing she do is feed me.

Today she come home an use da human litterbox first.

What is my damages? One churu per minute I waited?

I have been falsely accused of a very serious crime. I have no problem wif crimes but I did not do this one!

I'm sure you all familiar wif da poop zoomies. I gets dem often. However, today after I pooped in da litterbox an den zoomed, Meowmy come out an find one little teeny poo on da living room rug.

She have accused me of zooming before I finished pooping. I would never! Anyone could have left dat poo! How she know it wasn't Pawther?

I need help, frens. I fink I need to countersoo for salamandering my good name.

So I already knew dat my Meowmy is bad at sleeping. She roll around and she sigh a lot and somehow it take her many many hours to go to sleep each night. Sometimes I have to get up in da middle of da night an give her some healing purrs just to help. Sometimes she not sleep until it almost get up time! Luckily dis mean she da best at naps, on da weekend when she don't have to work an she can't sleep at night we takes lots of good naps togedder an it da best.

Well, today I find out Pawther is bad at naps! I decided we should try taking a nap togedder so I brought him to Meowmy's bed (it better den his an has my favorite blankie) an I hopped up an waited for him to nap. First he fink I want to be petted, but I tell him no. Den he fink I want brushies even dough I not in da brushy spot. So dumdum! I tell him no again. Finally he lay down wif me on da bed but he not even do dat right, he not do it like Meowmy so I can cuddle in my favorite cuddling spot. Finally I just give up on him an leave.

I guess I unnerstan how he can be bad at naps cuz he not know how me and Meowmy do it, but I not sure how to train him to do it right. But I don't unnerstan how Meowmy can be bad at sleeping. It like da easiest fing to do! You lie down an den you is asleep! I attach a picture of me demonstrating. She not even have dumdum humans bothering her going, "Oh Bucky cat, come cuddle wif me, don't you love me Bucky cat?" an waking her up.

She even going to a special doctor tomorrow dat just help fix you when you can't sleep. How dum is dat?

Dere is a monster dat live on my ceiling (see picture 2). Him sleeping now but him could wake up any moment. I don't trust him.

Today I was perched in my tower waiting for Meowmy to open da curtain so I can do Neighborhood Watch, an Meowmy was putting on her furs after her shower. She walk over an say she gonna open it as soon as she got her furs on, but as she do dat, she lift her arms up an SMACK da monster. (Meowmy: I was putting on my shirt and accidentally whacked the ceiling fan.) It make a very scary loud noise and it move a little. I was very scared dat she might have woke him up so I jump down and ran ran ran.

She said, "It okay, Bucky, it was an accident!" But I refuse to go in our bedroom all day while she in dere in case she make da monster mad again.

Can someone help me soo Meowmy for noise crime and putting me in danger? An making our room unsafe? First picture is me doing a distrust, I did decide it were safe to get on da bed for after dinner cuddles but I only curl up by her feet so she can't pet me.

Bucky cat here. So da humans in our neighborhood is dumdums an dey keep making da sky booms even though da Forf of Joolie is over an half da county is on fire. I have spent many nights hiding under da bed when da booms go off. Meowmy said many litterbox words.

Tonight I was sitting under my favorite table while Meowmy watched da light box an dere was another huge boom from da dumdum neighbors. An I fink, Meowmy is right dere, our living room is safe, an dis not so different from da booms last night an da night before dat. So instead of running as fast as I could and hiding under da bed, I just stayed put cuz I was comfy.

Meowmy did a big concern when da boom happened but den she saw I was still happily loafing and she got real excited. She went an got a big pile of churu bites an gave dem all to me an she kept petting me an saying, "Good job! You such a brave boy! You so brave for da boom!" But not in da way she usually do where it feel like she making fun of me. She sounded real happy but also her eyes were leaking a little.

Maybe I try being brave again next time da booms happen an see if she give me even more treats?

First, Meowmy sleep in dis morning an my breakfast was an hour an a haff late. Normally Pawther is here to save me when dis happen but he went to breakfast wif a friend after work instead of coming home to feed his poor starbing Bucky cat.

Den, Meowmy also make me wait forever for dinner. Technically it was on time but I start telling her I was hungry several hours before den an she just said, "Bubba it not dinner time yet." I fink dinner time should be when I tell her it is.

Last and worst: Meowmy always wait on da bed while I eat my dinner an den we have after dinner cuddles. Today she make my dinner an den start making her own. Eventually she walk by an see me sitting on da bed looking sad an forgotten. In her defense she did turn off da stobe an come cuddle wif me right away, but she said, "I'm sorry! I foght you wouldn't miss after dinner cuddles cuz you been less cuddly when I come home from work dis week!"

I don't know how to tell her, but she should pawbably stop finking. She not very smart so she usually get fings wrong, an one of dese days she gonna hurt her poor little brain. I can tell her what to do instead an it will be much better cuz I am very smart.

I used to hate brushies but recently I decide I luv dem. Pawther is da best at brushies, much better den Meowmy. Dis morning I head butt him until he follow me to da bedroom where I sit in da Brushies Spot on da bed an wait for brushies to commence. But Pawther say he can't find da brush! Da good zoomie groomie brush is missing! He get a different brush an I tolerate it but frens, it not da same. Da zoomie groomie brush feel like a massage, it da best.

When Meowmy get home he say somefing to her about it an she admit she knocked da good brush down an forgot to pick it up. She went and found it under da night stand an apologize to me an Pawther.

I fink she hid it on purpose cuz she jealous dat Pawther is better den her at brushies. But I don't know if I can prove it. Can I soo anyway?

He's terrified of loud noises but so good at avoiding medication after we hide it in the same thing a few times.

I have a problem wif my Meowmy. She got dis fing where her brain don't work right an she don't focus good. It called da A-D- somefing. I discover a long time ago dat I need to come sit by her bout an hour before lunch or dinner time or she might forget dat I am here an I need food. Den if it go past meal time I gotta start doing fings like lightly patpatpat wif my paws or get in her face so she know I'm not just sitting wif her for company.

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Today it past lunchtime an I'm sitting on da couch right next to her head an she still not feeding me. Any udder kitties wif broken brain pawrents got suggestions on how I can keep hers attention? I already tried headbutting her boob.

So my favrite favrite fing is when Meowmy open da door an just leave da screen door closed. I can watch da whole neighborhood AND smell all da smells, and have da door between me and da scary outside. It's even better den my window. I can sit dere and watch for hours.

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But Meowmy only do it sometime. Like tonight she waited many hours after she came home before she opened da door for me, until after it was dark. I ask her, why she wait so long? She say, "Bucky it almost a hunnert degrees today, if I open da door before it cool down outside we gonna melt." I don't know what she mean. She turn on da AC in da house so it stay cool, can't she just turn on da AC in da outside?

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Also when it get late, she close da door even if I not done looking and smelling! I twitch my tail as hard as I can to show her how irritated I am but she just say, "Bucky we gotta go to bed and we can't leave da door open all night or we gonna get murdered in our sleep." I move to my window instead and look very hard but I don't see no murderers so I fink she making dat up.

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How do I soo for more open door times? I need unrestricted access to da outside smells wif da screen door keeping me safe.