Ok, I know that this new Sally Field movie on Netflix isn't *technically* SnoCo, but it's evidently meant to be set here based on the sheriff's uniform (it's actually filmed in Vancouver, BC).
I recommend checking it out. It's a pretty touching story, there are references to surrounding communities and the Salish Sea.
Apologies for the long rant.
* It's been just over 16 months since I very unexpectedly lost the love of my life.
* I have cried every single day because he's not here. I'm emotionally paralyzed. I often still feel like he'll come home any moment. Sometimes it's a blessing, sometimes it's a curse.
* His kids treat me like shit. Sadly, I take it just so I can keep seeing our grandkids. They have zero respect for me and haven't helped me once. Their disrespect is a long story that I'm not going into. I have tried to respect the grief they also feel, but they definitely haven't respected mine.
* Only two of our friends have stuck around. Everyone else disappeared. Some have even been cruel and have made certain things about themselves.
* I've recently allowed my son-in-law (not hubby's side, mine, but I'm not actually related. This is chosen family) to live here part-time while he works a contract job for 6 months (I only live an hour away from the job whereas he lives 6 hours away). He was supposed to help me with things around the house and property, but he leaves at 4:30am, gets home give or take around 6pm and he's wiped out, has dinner, showers, goes to bed around 8, then he goes back to his home on the weekends. I haven't gotten any financial help when I'm [barely able to] paying all the household bills and provide food, and even though I tell him I need help with this and that, he never actually does. I have explained to both he and my daughter that this is difficult on me financially, but they haven't done anything. Yes, I'm going to have another talk with them.
* My body hates me. I had to have a 3rd surgery on my face nerves (1st surgery after he passed). I need dental work, but can't afford it, and now I have a huge tear in my knee that will probably require surgery. I have zero idea how I'll cope and take care of myself, much less my big property, if I can't walk. I already deal with fibromyalgia which makes it difficult to do all these things already, sometimes.
* I've been told by another widow that I shouldn't say all these things because it can discourage the newly widowed. I'm not trying to discourage anyone, but this is literally the only place I can vent. I often start typing responses only to delete them because her words echo in my head. I don't go to counseling because I've been down that road unsuccessfully more than once and it takes gas that I can't afford. But we all grieve differently, so what I'm going through in my early 50's isn't how everyone else is going to be. My husband lost his wife to cancer and he started dating within a very few short months.
* I'm literally only living for our cat. And even then, I feel like she deserves a better mom than me. I play with her, feed her very regularly and we cuddle together pretty much at all times I'm in the house. But I'm so sad and truly just want out of my existence (it's not a life, anymore). I'm literally worried about someone else not appreciating her and her love like me, though.
* I hate Mother's Day. It's the one day that my late husband upset me every year. While he wanted our grandkids to call me Grandma (his kids never allowed it, except for one), he always felt like since I'm not an actual mom that it wasn't a day "for me" if that makes sense, regardless of me telling him why that upset me. I hate that I'm still upset with him about it, which then brings the guilt that I'm upset with him, which then the waterworks start all over.
* The widow that thinks that I shouldn't share my feelings about where I'm at now (she also believes that any of us that have been at this as long as me and still hurt also shouldn't) also takes exception to people that say "They treated me like a princess/king/etc and we're so perfect..." because she feels like it's bullshit. That felt like a personal attack because my husband did call me Princess (P for short) and he did treat me like one. Sure, we had bad days, everyone does, but he truly took exceptional care of me and everything we built together in our short 11+ years.
PLEASE do not share my post. That widow is in this forum, but I've blocked her. We talk privately over the phone and I will try to talk to her. I just don't have the energy right now. And no, I will not name her.
I'm sorry this was so long. I've been holding back for a bit and really don't have anyone else to talk to.
I'm wishing every person in here that is or has been a mother/grandmother role (including men that have had to step into that role) a truly Happy Mother's Day. I hope it's as good as it can be.
I'd been having new onset of pain in my "good" knee for several months. My previous PCP ordered the MRI back in Sept, but I put it off as I (52F) was dealing with the sudden loss of my husband. The pain has been getting worse as I've been able to go outside and do more yard work, so I went and had the MRI done yesterday.
Result:
*Horizontal tear of the lateral meniscus extending from anterior to posterior horn, and
*Chondral thinning
The thinning didn't surprise me. I honestly just expected it to say I have arthritis. The type of tear did surprise me, though.
I've torn my ACL and PCL in my left knee when I was younger and hyper extended that knee. I won't describe the injury because it's kind of gruesome. I've had two surgeries on that knee and fully expect I'll have to replace it sooner than later. Anyway, I'm no stranger to knee injury. Just this type of injury.
I'm waiting to hear from my doctor as she doesn't have any openings until August.
I've been wearing a hinged brace on the knee, but does anyone know if I should be NWB or using my locking brace until I know more?
I know it's been said before, but TFB customers like me HATE the T-Life app!
First, we lost T-Mobile Tuesday participation. Now I can't access Scam Shield. I know that I was able to just not login to the app in order to still use Scam Shield, but now that workaround has stopped working, too!
I'm seriously so over all this crap. I'd happily switch carriers if they worked as well at my home.