u/snozbert18

Apologies if this isn't the right place for this and the long back story.

I reconnected with my childhood best friend a few years ago and then 5 years ago we both ended up pregnant at the same time. We had our first's within a month of each other and we were close in messaging at first but didn't see much of each other and then messages were few and far between but I thought of her often.

It had been about a year when I became pregnant with my second and my husband said I should reach out and I did, we shared some messages then it dropped off my radar again but still did/do think of her often.

September last year I finally got round to sending her a message saying sorry things got in the way but I think of you all. She replied telling me she was in a bad place and she'd reach out when ready (just to be clear I'm not/haven't been upset by this). I replied something along the lines of I'm here if you need me.

It came to light a few months ago that her daughter was born stillborn in September. My heart is so heavy for her, I can't begin to imagine the pain she's in and while we didn't speak often she's just the most wonderful person and it's heartbreaking to think of her going through something so harrowing.

I donated to her fundraiser anonymously but I'm just not sure whether I should reach out or not as she said she would when she was ready. I don't know if I should say "I heard about "X" I'm very very sorry for your loss, I don't expect you to reply but I'm thinking of you all and sending love", if I should pretend I don't know? Wait for her (if she ever does)?

I'm coming to terms that we likely will not be friends again as we again would have children very similar in age and I can't imagine the pain of being around someone with a baby close in age after a loss.

Our son is very recently 4 and he's just become an absolute terror when he wants to be.

He is the most wonderful, kind boy the majority of the time but sometimes we're just having relentless battles (which is really frustrating because we know it's not who he is).

This week he has spat in my face 3 times because he thinks it's funny, he's been whipping up with clothes because when he did it by accident I said that hurts people please don't do it again.

There never seems to be a particular trigger but it's like a switch flips and he just goes crazy. He's obviously disregulated as he's running around laughing just trying to do anything to upset and hurt everyone around him.

Does anyone else experience this? We often say the behaviour is unacceptable and ask him to leave the room to calm down. He has a bunch of emotion regulation books and activities and timers which we set for this. He usually picks the timer he needs but when it's really bad he just throws stuff at us and we have to shut the door between us to protect ourselves as he will just follow us around trying to hurt us if we don't create a physical barrier.

(Both parents have ADHD and sleep has always been incredibly difficult for us so I would not be surprised if this is at play here too).