u/songs-ohia

I've had chronic migraines for years but had my first cluster headache two years ago when I was pregnant. I assumed it was triggered by major hormonal shifts. However I've had a few since then that seemed like they were triggered while socializing one-on-one over an extended period. It is not abnormal for me to struggle with anxiety in these situations, but the headaches are so extreme that sometimes I don't feel it's worth it to meet up with a friend.

For context I was diagnosed with PTSD last year, so there are potentially some differences in my life now even in "normal" situations.

Just wondering if anyone else has found anxiety to be a trigger in this way?

I've never been able to explain this to anyone in my life, but since my diagnosis I've been realizing this might be related to autism.

If I'm surprised by a social situation, I often completely shut down if I don't happen to be masking in the right way already. For example if I go for a walk, sometimes I feel prepared to be seen, to run into someone I know, to go buy a coffee, and so on. It's a certain mindset. Other times I go for a walk and I feel I am more or less "alone." If I pass someone, I don't make eye contact, if I see someone I know, I turn away. When I was younger, I would even completely ignore people I knew if they said hi to me. Once I shut down, someone could stand right in front of me and wave their hand in my face and I wouldn't be able to engage. There was no bringing myself back until I "reset" in private and prepared for the next social situation.

It happened to me once in an Uber in my 20s, using that feature where you can share a ride with other customers. A mother and child got in the back when I was in the front, and the child continually asked me what my name was. I felt horrible, but I had already "shut off" and I just couldn't respond. I sat in the front overheating and feeling like I wanted to disappear, ignoring them both.

I get the same feeling if I am home alone in my safe space and someone knocks on the door. I never answer under any circumstances.

Sometimes I'll have a version of this if I'm doing something like washing dishes or working, and my partner talks to me. I feel like I'm too much "myself" in that moment and I don't want to put on the social performance of talking. It's almost like my most natural self just doesn't talk.

tl;dr sometimes I can't talk if I'm not prepared to socialize.

I live in Canada where we cannot disable emergency alerts (at least not on iPhones). Unexpected loud sounds are a trigger for me and I hate knowing that an alert could come through at any moment. I keep track of when the tests are happening but I obviously can't plan for true emergencies.

Of course I appreciate that these alerts happen for a reason, but if I could just lower the volume or have it come through as a vibration/push notification that would help so much.

Does anyone else struggle with this? I feel embarrassed asking people because in the past the answer has been "deal with it." I don't know how to deal with it.

We are not supposed to be able to silence alerts anywhere in Canada. It is not like the US where there are options for all but "presidential" level alerts.

This is embarrassing to post but I have PTSD and knowing that my phone might play a really loud alarm at any moment adds a lot of stress to my life. I absolutely appreciate the importance of alerts but if they came through silently or with vibration I would just as easily see them as my phone is always near me.

Editing to add: even turning down the volume would suffice.

I was diagnosed with autism last year while undergoing psychodiagnostic assessment. I am in my early 30s and I didn't expect the ASD diagnosis, but when the psychologist walked me through what she tested for, it made a lot of sense to me. Ever since then I have found it very helpful to recontextualize challenges I faced through adolescence and adulthood and has felt very much like a "missing piece" in terms of understanding myself. I've also found that some of my symptoms like migraines and panic attacks while socializing have improved since beginning to explore ways I might "mask" less.

However, every time I confide in someone (excluding one friend who also has ASD) about this diagnosis, they say, "No you're not." One friend said they wanted to "play devil's advocate" and challenge my belief that I have autism. They more or less asked me to defend the idea while they pushed back.

I know the lesson here is to stop telling people, but it was a fairly significant event in my life and I wanted to share it with those closest to me.

I feel so frustrated by how consistent this reaction has been that at times I almost want to just forget the diagnosis altogether. I can't imagine reacting that way to one of my friends sharing something like that with me. I'm also having trouble understanding what the point is. Are they suggesting my psychologist doesn't know anything? That I misunderstood the diagnosis? That I made it up? It feels like a completely useless reaction and only serves to make me feel ashamed for having brought it up.

I also want to clarify that my friends are generally supportive, kind, loyal, and intelligent people and this is not how they have responded to other things I've shared.

Any thoughts...