Looking for a silent meditation retreat in the American southwest or Midwest.
Must accept participants over 50.
Preferably free or by donation and 5 days or less.
Recently I left a toxic relationship with someone who I wanted to marry and have kids with.
I left suddenly and abruptly because I was afraid they would harm me. I made sure to leave them in what seemed like a safe and warm place.
We talked online a few weeks after I left and eventually I just felt so sick about it I cut it off. I never ever wanted to be with anyone else or anything like that - I was praying that space would help. I was also afraid of this person.
As I left them physically and digitally I BEGGED God to protect them. I was afraid they’d harm themselves, but I eventually trusted God to take care of them. I was crying so hard for the first day so afraid they’d hurt themselves but told myself God had given me the opportunity to escape so that nobody would get hurt.
I feel to blame. I feel so angry with God. The room they were living in even had Bible verses on the wall. I should have taken it as a sign to stay instead of a sign to leave. I know they would’ve lived longer if I’d stayed. We all stay alive to be with the people we love.
Less than 2 weeks later they killed themselves.
God did not protect them or assuage my fears. The feelings of faith and trust and peace I felt when I prayed for their safety were all feelings of delusion.
There was art on the wall with the famous verse about love… “love is patient, love is kind, etc.” it was a very specific piece of art that used to hang in my house as a child. I’d always admired it and thought of it randomly but had never seen it anywhere else in my life after like age 12 in my family hallway. I should have taken this as a sign that God would protect our love if I stayed. I feel like I didn’t act out of love.
I still pray when I am afraid but I simply don’t know what else to do. I no longer trust God. I no longer trust anyone.
Everything is a gamble and I am betrayed. I look forward to death.
Like they just lay into the “K” with every muscle in their jaw and it kind of gives me the ick!
Lol it’s like a similar feeling I got watching Pokémon or some cheesy anime where they pontificate on something silly just to be dramatic.
I love them tho
I have a Pomeranian puppy who needs a forever home, preferably with another little dog friend.
The puppy I have is vaccinated and very friendly with animals and people. He is mostly house trained, still learning but prefers to do his business outside.
He currently lives in a foster situation and just needs more attention. He loves to cuddle and I wish I could keep him.
He is not free, and we will ask for an appropriate price considering his vet care and the desirability of the breed, but of course a kind home will be considered heavily too.
Thank you!