u/staticpegieon

So finally, you told me what you had been wanting to tell me for months ....the suffocation, the thoughts that were always hurting you, and the feelings you were struggling with.

You said that you loved the love I gave you, and honestly, thank you for that. Thank you for all those beautiful nights, all our talks, the hugs, the memories, and every little gift and moment you gave me. I will always be grateful for everything we had.

You finally told me that whenever I told you how much I loved you, somewhere inside, it hurt you. You felt a kind of pressure, a kind of restriction. And I'm sorry… I'm genuinely sorry for every time my love became something heavy for you. I never wanted my feelings to become a burden.

Then you said maybe we should end everything today. You said that if we continued this virtually for a few more years and eventually had to separate, it might hurt even more. Maybe ending it now would hurt less.

You even said that maybe you wouldn't be able to sleep, maybe you would overthink, maybe it would be difficult for some time.....but eventually, one day, one week, one month, maybe someday, it would become easier.

And somehow, even while breaking my heart, you were still trying to protect me. You were trying to be caring in the way you thought was right. And for that too, thank you.

But did you ever think about what would happen if you were standing where I am right now?

What if I was the one telling you all these things?

What would you feel?

Because for me, this is not that easy.

I don't know how to forget things so quickly. I don't know how to talk to you normally while carrying all these memories inside me. Even now, when I talk to you, a part of me keeps thinking, “Don't tell them how much you still love them.”

Because maybe hearing it hurts you.

And that hurts me too.

I know that maybe someday these feelings will become quieter. Maybe one day the memories won't hurt as much. But right now, those memories are both my happiness and my sadness.

I smile when I remember them, and sometimes I feel like crying at the same time.

I loved you with my whole heart. I still remember how many times I cried while holding you not because you did something wrong, but because I was scared of failing, scared of losing you, and scared of losing the love that meant so much to me.

You were my first in so many ways.

Maybe I wasn't the same for you. Maybe I didn't hold the same place in your life.

But whatever we had, I gave it everything I had.

I never wanted to trap you in my love. I never wanted you to feel guilty for not being able to give me the same future I imagined.

I just wish that understanding your decision didn't hurt this much.

And maybe that's why this quote keeps coming back to my mind:

“Friendship after love isn't peace. It's punishment in disguise.”

Because how do I become just a friend to someone who once made me believe that I was more than a friend?

How do I talk to you like everything is normal when a part of me still remembers everything?

Maybe one day I will be able to.

Maybe one day I will be able to hear your name without feeling this heaviness.

Maybe one day these memories will only make me smile.

But today, I'm still learning how to let go of someone I never wanted to lose.

So thank you.

Thank you for loving me.

Thank you for the memories.

Thank you for the nights, the talks, the hugs, and everything in between.

And most importantly, thank you for being honest with me, even when that honesty broke my heart.

I loved you. I still care about you.

And even if our story ends here, I will always be grateful that, for some time, it was ours. ❤️

Remember I will still love you forever... because in my dictionary forever exists

I wish I could make you understand how much I want to talk to you with love and affection, but somehow, it feels like all of that is meaningless to you. I know maybe these things don’t matter to you, but I just wish you could understand why they matter so much to me.

When I told you, “Please, you don’t understand my feelings,” instead of trying to understand what I was feeling, you started shouting at me and called the things I was saying idiotic. And honestly, that hurt me deeply. Because if my feelings are “idiotic” to you, then what does that make me and everything I feel for you?

Sometimes I genuinely wonder if it’s better for us not to be together if we can’t even understand each other emotionally.

Whenever we talk, I feel like I’m being criticized,for the kind of friends I have, for being too emotional, for the way I think, and even for the way I love you. I never wanted you to change who you are. I only wanted you to understand me a little more gently.

I sincerely hope you never meet someone like me again, someone who loves you this deeply, thinks about every little thing, and gets attached to every emotion......because I don’t want another version of me to get hurt the way I have.

For me, everything matters. Your words, your tone, your actions, the little things you do, even the things you might consider insignificant. I repeat,everything matters to me when it comes to us, darling.

I just wish you could understand that I’m not asking for too much. I’m only asking you to understand the heart behind everything I say and do.

Every day when I wake up, I think of you....what you’re doing, how you’re feeling, whether you’ve eaten, whether something is bothering you. I know it might sound cringe to you, but for me, this is love. Caring about you, thinking about you, and wanting you to be okay.

I know you don’t like chatting much, and honestly, before texting you, I always wonder what you’ll think.,.....that I’m the one who keeps trying, keeps caring, keeps making efforts. Sometimes I just wish I could feel that you think about me too, that you miss me too.

Why does it always feel like I’m the one trying to keep us close? When you say, “When you were with me, everything mattered, but now it’s not a priority,” it really hurts.

I chose you because I believed we could grow together, support each other, crack our goals together, and build something. Somewhere, I feel like that dream got lost.

I’m not asking you to choose me over your career or your life. I just don’t want to feel like I don’t matter anymore. I love doing things for you because that’s how I express my love.

So please, don’t make me feel like I’m asking for too much. Just keep a little place for me in your life… and maybe, someday, in your forever bucket list too. ❤️

Every time I tell you I love you, all our memories come rushing back, and honestly, it hurts. You always tell me to focus on my career and remind me that we don’t know what the future holds. I understand… but my heart still keeps choosing you.

Whenever I daydream about my future, somehow, you’re always in it. Most days already feel so heavy, and thinking about you is the one thing that makes me feel loved, even if it’s only in my head. Maybe I’m too attached to you, maybe I’m too obsessed with the thought of having you in my life. But I don’t know how to simply switch those feelings off and become “mature” about them. I just know that somewhere along the way, you became a part of the future I keep secretly hoping for.

Every time I tell you I love you, all our memories come rushing back, and honestly, it hurts. You always tell me to focus on my career and remind me that we don’t know what the future holds. I understand… but my heart still keeps choosing you.

Whenever I daydream about my future, somehow, you’re always in it. Most days already feel so heavy, and thinking about you is the one thing that makes me feel loved, even if it’s only in my head. Maybe I’m too attached to you, maybe I’m too obsessed with the thought of having you in my life. But I don’t know how to simply switch those feelings off and become “mature” about them. I just know that somewhere along the way, you became a part of the future I keep secretly hoping for.