u/studiosooo

I'm 19, Indian household, and I've been carrying this confusion for years.

My mom is the type where nothing I do is ever enough. If I fail, I'm a family embarrassment. If I explain myself, I'm being disrespectful. If I'm quiet, I'm sulky. There's no version of me that feels acceptable around her. Every time I failed academically, the response was never what happened my dear? ("beta kya problem hai.") It was about how SHE had to face relatives, how SHE was embarrassed in front of other parents. My pain was always secondary to her reputation.

I know how it looks: I was decent till 3rd grade, then things fell apart and nobody noticed or asked why. The "help" I got was tutors who physically beat me when I didn't understand something. So studying became fear, not learning. COVID destroyed 9th. 11th I genuinely couldn't follow the syllabus and had no guidance. Not laziness, just a kid who never learned how to learn and believed for years that he was fundamentally broken.

Now I'm older and I notice I physically shrink around her. I can't make eye contact. I apologize before I've even done anything wrong. I don't feel like I have a real identity. I don't know what I actually want versus what will just make people stop being disappointed in me.

I genuinely don't know if this is normal Indian parenting or I'm just too sensitive, or if something actually happened to me that needs professional attention.

Is there a therapist, psychologist, or psychiatrist here who can help me figure out what these symptoms even point to?

And the confusing part is she's not always like this. Sometimes she's cute, almost childlike, genuinely sweet. And then out of nowhere something shifts and she speaks in a way that I'm completely shattered. That unpredictability is honestly harder to deal with than if she was just consistently cold.

I'm 19, Indian household, and I've been carrying this confusion for years.

My mom is the type where nothing I do is ever enough. If I fail, I'm a family embarrassment. If I explain myself, I'm being disrespectful. If I'm quiet, I'm sulky. There's no version of me that feels acceptable around her. Every time I failed academically, the response was never what happened my dear? ("beta kya problem hai.") It was about how SHE had to face relatives, how SHE was embarrassed in front of other parents. My pain was always secondary to her reputation.

I know how it looks: I was decent till 3rd grade, then things fell apart and nobody noticed or asked why. The "help" I got was tutors who physically beat me when I didn't understand something. So studying became fear, not learning. COVID destroyed 9th. 11th I genuinely couldn't follow the syllabus and had no guidance. Not laziness, just a kid who never learned how to learn and believed for years that he was fundamentally broken.

Now I'm older and I notice I physically shrink around her. I can't make eye contact. I apologize before I've even done anything wrong. I don't feel like I have a real identity. I don't know what I actually want versus what will just make people stop being disappointed in me.

I genuinely don't know if this is normal Indian parenting or I'm just too sensitive, or if something actually happened to me that needs professional attention.

Is there a therapist, psychologist, or psychiatrist here who can help me figure out what these symptoms even point to?

And the confusing part is she's not always like this. Sometimes she's warm, almost childlike, genuinely sweet. And then out of nowhere something shifts and I'm completely shattered. That unpredictability is honestly harder to deal with than if she was just consistently cold.

Bhai jiske lecture dekhra mai voh fatt fatt bhagaye jaara he saala aur kuch questions practice ni karva rahe

So kaha se lectures dekhre ho? Aur questions practice bhi? Aur jaate jaate mock me kitne aare voh bata jaana pizz 🥀

So india doesn't have a dedicated B.Sc in Astronomy unlike universities abroad, which means if you want to become an astronomer or astrophysicist here, you're going through Physics whether you like it or not. and honestly i find the earthy side of physics pretty dry, my real obsession is space, the universe, the big stuff. but here we are.

i've been looking at every realistic route and somehow managed to fall short on all of them 🥀

1. JEE Mains for NITs was a no because NIT's don't offer BS Research, except Hamirpur and Calicut which have Engineering Physics but i couldn't touch the 96-97 percentile needed.

2. JEE Advanced would've opened IITs, IISc and IIST for BS Research and Engineering Physics but i scored 57.4 percentile so that door closed too.

3. IAT for IISERs is what i'm preparing for right now with 20 days left, this is the one still alive.

4. CUET happened but i misread how seriously i needed to take it, didn't give a single mock (kyuki cuet toh easy hote hai), and Delhi University's North or South Campus programs are basically out of reach now, Off campus aren't that good though.

5. Merit-based colleges like Ferguson need 85 to 90 percent in boards and i have 68%age so that's a wall too.

So genuinely asking, for someone who wants to end up in Astronomy or Astrophysics, where do aspiring astrophysicist in india actually land their bachelor's when the obvious routes don't go as planned? what did you do or what would you do? What'd you guys gonna do...?

So india doesn't have a dedicated B.Sc in Astronomy unlike universities abroad, which means if you want to become an astronomer or astrophysicist here, you're going through Physics whether you like it or not. and honestly i find the earthy side of physics pretty dry, my real obsession is space, the universe, the big stuff. but here we are.

i've been looking at every realistic route and somehow managed to fall short on all of them 🥀

1. JEE Mains for NITs was a no because NIT's don't offer BS Research, except Hamirpur and Calicut which have Engineering Physics but i couldn't touch the 96-97 percentile needed.

2. JEE Advanced would've opened IITs, IISc and IIST for BS Research and Engineering Physics but i scored 57.4 percentile so that door closed too.

3. IAT for IISERs is what i'm preparing for right now with 20 days left, this is the one still alive.

4. CUET happened but i misread how seriously i needed to take it, didn't give a single mock (kyuki cuet toh easy hote hai), and Delhi University's North or South Campus programs are basically out of reach now, Off campus aren't that good though.

5. Merit-based colleges like Ferguson need 85 to 90 percent in boards and i have 68%age so that's a wall too.

So genuinely asking, for someone who wants to end up in Astronomy or Astrophysics, where do aspiring astrophysicist in india actually land their bachelor's when the obvious routes don't go as planned? what did you do or what would you do? What'd you guys gonna do...?

So india doesn't have a dedicated B.Sc in Astronomy unlike universities abroad, which means if you want to become an astronomer or astrophysicist here, you're going through Physics whether you like it or not. and honestly i find the earthy side of physics pretty dry, my real obsession is space, the universe, the big stuff. but here we are.

i've been looking at every realistic route and somehow managed to fall short on all of them 🥀

1. JEE Mains for NITs was a no because NIT's don't offer BS Research, except Hamirpur and Calicut which have Engineering Physics but i couldn't touch the 96-97 percentile needed.

2. JEE Advanced would've opened IITs, IISc and IIST for BS Research and Engineering Physics but i scored 57.4 percentile so that door closed too.

3. IAT for IISERs is what i'm preparing for right now with 20 days left, this is the one still alive.

4. CUET happened but i misread how seriously i needed to take it, didn't give a single mock (kyuki cuet toh easy hote hai), and Delhi University's North or South Campus programs are basically out of reach now, Off campus aren't that good though.

5. Merit-based colleges like Ferguson need 85 to 90 percent in boards and i have 68%age so that's a wall too.

So genuinely asking, for someone who wants to end up in Astronomy or Astrophysics, where do aspiring astrophysicist in india actually land their bachelor's when the obvious routes don't go as planned? what did you do or what would you do? What'd you guys gonna do...?

So india doesn't have a dedicated B.Sc in Astronomy unlike universities abroad, which means if you want to become an astronomer or astrophysicist here, you're going through Physics whether you like it or not. and honestly i find the earthy side of physics pretty dry, my real obsession is space, the universe, the big stuff. but here we are.

i've been looking at every realistic route and somehow managed to fall short on all of them 🥀

1. JEE Mains for NITs was a no because NIT's don't offer BS Research, except Hamirpur and Calicut which have Engineering Physics but i couldn't touch the 96-97 percentile needed.

2. JEE Advanced would've opened IITs, IISc and IIST for BS Research and Engineering Physics but i scored 57.4 percentile so that door closed too.

3. IAT for IISERs is what i'm preparing for right now with 20 days left, this is the one still alive.

4. CUET happened but i misread how seriously i needed to take it, didn't give a single mock (kyuki cuet toh easy hote hai), and Delhi University's North or South Campus programs are basically out of reach now, Off campus aren't that good though.

5. Merit-based colleges like Ferguson need 85 to 90 percent in boards and i have 68%age so that's a wall too.

So genuinely asking, for someone who wants to end up in Astronomy or Astrophysics, where do aspiring astrophysicist in india actually land their bachelor's when the obvious routes don't go as planned? what did you do or what would you do? What'd you guys gonna do...?

So india doesn't have a dedicated B.Sc in Astronomy unlike universities abroad, which means if you want to become an astronomer or astrophysicist here, you're going through Physics whether you like it or not. and honestly i find the earthy side of physics pretty dry, my real obsession is space, the universe, the big stuff. but here we are.

i've been looking at every realistic route and somehow managed to fall short on all of them 🥀

1. JEE Mains for NITs was a no because NIT's don't offer BS Research, except Hamirpur and Calicut which have Engineering Physics but i couldn't touch the 96-97 percentile needed.

2. JEE Advanced would've opened IITs, IISc and IIST for BS Research and Engineering Physics but i scored 57.4 percentile so that door closed too.

3. IAT for IISERs is what i'm preparing for right now with 20 days left, this is the one still alive.

4. CUET happened but i misread how seriously i needed to take it, didn't give a single mock (kyuki cuet toh easy hote hai), and Delhi University's North or South Campus programs are basically out of reach now, Off campus aren't that good though.

5. Merit-based colleges like Ferguson need 85 to 90 percent in boards and i have 68%age so that's a wall too.

So genuinely asking, for someone who wants to end up in Astronomy or Astrophysics, where do aspiring astrophysicist in india actually land their bachelor's when the obvious routes don't go as planned? what did you do or what would you do? What'd you guys gonna do...?

Ye NTA wale bahut dadagirri karre the na twitter pe neet se phele 10 layer security bc aa gayi na naubat retest ki aab kyu inka muh band hai? 🤪😍

Mummy sahi bolti hai, joh hadd se zyada ghamad karta hai uske lag he jaate hai bc