u/sunbeam_777

I started a new job last week. The mandate is three days in the office, two days WFH. However, I have two health conditions affecting my ability to work in the office, a chronic injury and late effects from a previous cancer diagnosis. I informed my manager about this before starting my job and signing the contract to make sure it would be okay. He said it would be fine to work more flexibly after a couple of months. However, last week I was in a lot of pain so I asked whether we could bring the discussions about my flexible arrangements sooner. He said HR will be in touch with me about this, but I’ve not yet heard from them.

I’ve been assigned a workplace “buddy“ who is supposed to train me, let’s call her Gertrude. I met her in the office on my first day last week. I went in three days last week and it was extremely painful for me.

On my very first day, Gertrude saw our manager setting up my second laptop, (I have one for the office and one for home because I can’t carry my laptop into the office) and she seemed kind of annoyed. Gertrude brings her laptop in a suitcase when she works in the office. Our manager explained to her that it is possible to have two laptops, one for home and one for the office, and that previous employees have also had this arrangement.

Gertrude saw my equipment (special cushion and chair) and noticed I was very frequently having to change positions so she asked me if I’m uncomfortable. I didn’t mention the cancer but mentioned my chronic injury, which I’ve had surgery and multiple medical interventions for (unfortunately, nothing has worked and some things have made it worse).

I think Gertrude was under the assumption that I would work from home/in the office on the same days as her, which I did last week.

On Monday this week, I worked from home and she worked from the office. She asked me why I was working from home and said that communicating via Teams is going to be difficult. I replied that our manager said it was fine. She asked why (which imo is none of her business) and that’s when I informed her about the cancer and again about the injury, which I didn’t really need to. She saw it but didn’t comment on that at all.

Today I’m working from home due to pain. I informed Gertrude and told her that management is aware and that she should drop me a message if there is something to look over. She said that it’s a shame and that there are several things that she wants to show me but it is hard showing them over Teams and said “I will just do them myself”. I told her that I’m determined to learn, but I’m WFH today due to my circumstances. I expressed that I’m keen to keep progressing with everything that I need to learn and asked that she still shows me anything of relevance that comes up today, and we can work through it together. I also said that from everything that we’ve been over together already, I actually found it easier to learn over Teams.

She then sent me a nasty message saying that I’m only considering the training from my point of view, that I don’t seem to realise that she has to do her own busy job whilst training me and that teaching me over Teams slows her down considerably.

I have been trained in even more complex roles remotely before, I know this job can be taught and learned both in the office and from home.

I was in the office yesterday and struggled to concentrate due to the pain I was in. She was WFH yesterday so she taught me things over Teams.

I think she’s salty about my reasonable adjustments for some reason, and I don’t know why.

She seems to be quite an unreasonable person. For example, she was talking badly about another employee who left earlier this year for a different job. She was “cross” with the employee because she had resigned during a busy period. I don’t really see this as a reason to be annoyed with the employee who left, if the company is understaffed it’s not the employee’s fault, it’s a management issue.

I’m new and don’t want to escalate unnecessarily, but I found her messages very hurtful and unprofessional. I also want to make sure my rights are protected given my health conditions.

Should I send screenshots of the conversations to my manager and ask someone else to train me since she finds it difficult to teach me over Teams, raise it with HR, or leave it for now? I was also contemplating contacting that former employee on LinkedIn and asking about her experience in the role. Any advice welcome.

Edit: To clear up confusion, when I had the same in-office pattern as Gertrude during my first week, which was last week, she taught me a process over Teams and she was fine with it, it was actually her who reached out to me to teach me that particular process over Teams. We operate from a shared team mailbox so she doesn’t have sole responsibility for incoming requests, it’s joint responsibility across the whole team. We also don’t have any targets for number of cases resolved. When Gertrude trains me over Teams, we do a screenshare where I watch her do a task from the mailbox whilst she explains or I do a task from the mailbox whilst she instructs me. This clears up outstanding tasks from the joint mailbox whilst I learn.

I started a new job last week. The mandate is three days in the office, two days WFH. However, I have two health conditions affecting my ability to work in the office, a chronic injury and late effects from a previous cancer diagnosis. I informed my manager about this before starting my job and signing the contract to make sure it would be okay. He said it would be fine to work more flexibly after a couple of months, however last week I was in a lot of pain so I asked whether we could bring the discussions about my flexible arrangements sooner. He said HR will be in touch with me about this, but I’ve not yet heard from them.

I’ve been assigned a workplace “buddy“ who is supposed to train me, let’s call her Gertrude. I met her in the office on my first day last week. I went in three days last week and it was extremely painful for me.

On my very first day, Gertrude saw our manager setting up my second laptop, (I have one for the office and one for home because I can’t carry my laptop into the office) and she seemed kind of annoyed. Gertrude brings her laptop in a suitcase when she works in the office. Our manager explained to her that it is possible to have two laptops, one for home and one for the office, and that previous employees have also had this arrangement.

Gertrude saw my equipment (special cushion and chair) and noticed I was very frequently having to change positions so she asked me if I’m uncomfortable. I didn’t mention the cancer but mentioned my chronic injury, which I’ve had surgery and multiple medical interventions for (unfortunately, nothing has worked and some things have made it worse).

I think Gertrude was under the assumption that I would work from home/in the office on the same days as her, which I did last week.

On Monday this week, I worked from home and she worked from the office. She asked me why I was working from home and said that communicating via Teams is going to be difficult. I replied that our manager said it was fine. She asked why (which imo is none of her business) and that’s when I informed her about the cancer and again about the injury, which I didn’t really need to. She saw it but didn’t comment on that at all.

Today I’m working from home due to pain. I informed Gertrude and told her that management is aware and that she should drop me a message if there is something to look over. She said that it’s a shame and that there are several things that she wants to show me but it is hard showing them over Teams and said “I will just do them myself”. I told her that I’m determined to learn, but I’m WFH today due to my circumstances. I expressed that I’m keen to keep progressing with everything that I need to learn and asked that she still shows me anything of relevance that comes up today, and we can work through it together. I also said that from everything that we’ve been over together already, I actually found it easier to learn over Teams.

She then sent me a nasty message saying that I’m only considering the training from my point of view, that I don’t seem to realise that she has to do her own busy job whilst training me and that teaching me over Teams slows her down considerably.

I have been trained in even more complex roles remotely before, I know this job can be taught and learned both in the office and from home.

I was in the office yesterday and struggled to concentrate due to the pain I was in. She was WFH yesterday so she taught me things over Teams.

I think she’s salty about my reasonable adjustments for some reason, and I don’t know why.

She seems to be quite an unreasonable person. For example, she was talking badly about another employee who left earlier this year for a different job. She was “cross” with the employee because she had resigned during a busy period. I don’t really see this as a reason to be annoyed with the employee who left, if the company is understaffed it’s not the employee’s fault, it’s a management issue.

I’m new and don’t want to escalate unnecessarily, but I found her messages very hurtful and unprofessional. I also want to make sure my rights are protected given my health conditions.

Should I send screenshots of the conversations to my manager and ask someone else to train me since she finds it difficult to train me over Teams, raise it with HR, or leave it for now? I was also contemplating contacting that former employee on LinkedIn and asking about her experience in the role. Any advice welcome.

Edit: To clear up confusion, when I had the same in-office pattern as Gertrude during my first week, which was last week, she taught me a process over Teams and she was fine with it, it was actually her who reached out to me to teach me that particular process over Teams. We operate from a shared team mailbox so she doesn’t have sole responsibility for incoming requests, it’s joint responsibility across the whole team. We also don’t have any targets for number of cases resolved. When Gertrude trains me over Teams, we do a screenshare where I watch her do a task whilst she explains or I do a task whilst she instructs me. This clears up outstanding tasks from the joint mailbox whilst I learn.

I started a new job last week. The mandate is three days in the office, two days WFH. However, I have two health conditions affecting my ability to work in the office, a chronic injury and late effects from a previous cancer diagnosis. I informed my manager about this before starting my job and signing the contract to make sure it would be okay. He said it would be fine to work more flexibly after a couple of months, however last week I was in a lot of pain so I asked whether we could bring the discussions about my flexible arrangements sooner. He said HR will be in touch with me about this, but I’ve not yet heard from them.

I’ve been assigned a workplace “buddy“ who is supposed to train me, let’s call her Gertrude. I met her in the office on my first day last week. I went in three days last week and it was extremely painful for me.

On my very first day, Gertrude saw our manager setting up my second laptop, (I have one for the office and one for home because I can’t carry my laptop into the office) and she seemed kind of annoyed. Gertrude brings her laptop in a suitcase when she works in the office. Our manager explained to her that it is possible to have two laptops, one for home and one for the office, and that previous employees have also had this arrangement.

Gertrude saw my equipment (special cushion and chair) and noticed I was very frequently having to change positions so she asked me if I’m uncomfortable. I didn’t mention the cancer but mentioned my chronic injury, which I’ve had surgery and multiple medical interventions for (unfortunately, nothing has worked and some things have made it worse).

I think Gertrude was under the assumption that I would work from home/in the office on the same days as her, which I did last week.

On Monday this week, I worked from home and she worked from the office. She asked me why I was working from home and said that communicating via Teams is going to be difficult. I replied that our manager said it was fine. She asked why (which imo is none of her business) and that’s when I informed her about the cancer and again about the injury, which I didn’t really need to. She saw it but didn’t comment on that at all.

Today I’m working from home due to pain. I informed Gertrude and told her that management is aware and that she should drop me a message if there is something to look over. She said that it’s a shame and that there are several things that she wants to show me but it is hard showing them over Teams and said “I will just do them myself”. I told her that I’m determined to learn, but I’m WFH today due to my circumstances. I expressed that I’m keen to keep progressing with everything that I need to learn and asked that she still shows me anything of relevance that comes up today, and we can work through it together. I also said that from everything that we’ve been over together already, I actually found it easier to learn over Teams.

She then sent me a nasty message saying that I’m only considering the training from my point of view, that I don’t seem to realise that she has to do her own busy job whilst training me and that teaching me over Teams slows her down considerably.

I have been trained in even more complex roles remotely before, I know this job can be taught and learned both in the office and from home.

I was in the office yesterday and struggled to concentrate due to the pain I was in. She was WFH yesterday so she taught me things over Teams.

I think she’s salty about my reasonable adjustments for some reason, and I don’t know why.

She seems to be quite an unreasonable person. For example, she was talking badly about another employee who left earlier this year for a different job. She was “cross” with the employee because she had resigned during a busy period. I don’t really see this as a reason to be annoyed with the employee who left, if the company is understaffed it’s not the employee’s fault, it’s a management issue.

I’m new and don’t want to escalate unnecessarily, but I found her messages very hurtful and unprofessional. I also want to make sure my rights are protected given my health conditions.

Should I send screenshots of the conversations to my manager and ask someone else to train me since she finds it difficult to train me over Teams, raise it with HR, or leave it for now? I was also contemplating contacting that former employee on LinkedIn and asking about her experience in the role. Any advice welcome.

Edit: To clear up confusion, when I had the same in-office pattern as Gertrude during my first week, which was last week, she taught me a process over Teams and she was fine with it, it was actually her who reached out to me to teach me that particular process over Teams. We operate from a shared team mailbox so she doesn’t have sole responsibility for incoming requests, it’s joint responsibility across the whole team. We also don’t have any targets for number of cases resolved. When Gertrude trains me over Teams, we do a screenshare where I watch her do a task from the mailbox whilst she explains or I do a task from the mailbox whilst she instructs me. This clears up outstanding tasks from the joint mailbox whilst I learn.

I’m interested in hearing how other people with chronic pain deal with toxic positivity and well-meaning family members who imply that you’re not getting better because you aren’t doing the right things/thinking positively enough.

I’ve had severe chronic coccyx pain for nearly two years following a specific injury. I’ve tried multiple medical interventions and alternative therapies. Unfortunately, some haven’t helped and some have actually made things worse. I’m still actively looking for things that might help.

Recently, a family member told me that I need to look into pain management, see a counsellor, “be more positive”, focus on gratitude and do positive affirmations every morning and night. She genuinely means well and I know she loves me and wants me to get better. But I find this kind of advice difficult because it can feel like there’s an implication that if I’m still in pain, I must not be thinking positively enough or doing enough.

I’ve also had family members say things like “I
told you to try X and you didn’t, so that’s why you’re not better.” That really gets to me, because I have tried a huge number of things, and some of the things people have recommended either didn’t work or actually made my pain worse. It can feel like whatever happens, the responsibility somehow gets put back on me.

My grandma has also told me before that if I say bad things, bad things will happen, which eventually made me stop telling her honestly how I was feeling when she asked about my pain. I didn’t want to be made to feel that talking honestly about how much I was suffering was somehow causing it or attracting more suffering.

I do actually feel grateful for the good things in my life. I can appreciate my family, my friends and the things I’m fortunate to have while also being in significant pain and acknowledging that this is incredibly difficult.

I’m curious how other people with chronic pain handle this:

- How do you respond when people imply that your mindset is contributing to your lack of improvement?

- What do you say when someone says “I told you to try X, and you didn’t, so this is why you’re still not better”?

- How do you set boundaries with people who genuinely mean well but repeatedly give unsolicited advice?

- Do you find it helpful to explain yourself, or have you learned to just say something like “I appreciate the suggestion, but I’m managing this with my doctors” and leave it there?

- How do you stop these comments from making you feel guilty/upset/frustrated when you’re already doing everything you can?

I’m not looking for medical advice, I’d really like to hear how other people have dealt with the emotional/social side of chronic illness when the people around them believe they know what you need to do to get better.

I’m 29F and turning 30 next year. I’ve recently been chatting to a guy who approached me on Instagram and we’ve got on quite well. He’s asked me out on a date, but I’ve just found out that he’s 23, nearly 24.

I’m really conflicted about it. I’ve never really dated younger men before. I think the youngest I’ve gone on a date with is someone one year younger than me. I also have a younger sister who’s the same age as him, and because she’s my “baby sister”, I think that’s making the age difference feel particularly strange to me.

I’m honestly not sure whether 23 is too young for me to date at this point in my life. I’ve dated around my age, so this is completely outside my usual range. He seems nice and I’ve enjoyed talking to him, so I’m not immediately against the idea, but I can’t tell whether I actually feel comfortable with the age difference.

I’m also conscious that I’m at a stage where I ultimately want a serious relationship and would like to settle down and have children. I wonder whether a 23/24-year-old is likely to be at a significantly different stage of life from me. I’m not expecting someone my age to be ready to get married and have children immediately, but I don’t want to spend several years with someone only to find that they’re still not ready when I am.

At the same time, I know that people mature at very different rates and age doesn’t necessarily tell you what someone’s goals are. I don’t want to reject someone purely because of a number if we could actually be compatible.

Would you go on the date and see how you feel in person, or is 23 simply too young for a 29-year-old woman who is looking for something serious? Have any women on this sub dated a man around six years younger at this stage of life? How did you find the difference in maturity/life stage?

TL;DR: I’m 29F, he’s 23M. He seems nice and wants to take me on a date, but I’ve never dated significantly younger and have a sister around his age, which makes it feel particularly weird. I’m also thinking about differences in life stage and wanting children eventually. Would you give it a chance or leave it?

I recently left a VP role at another bank due to redundancy and am exploring new opportunities.

I was speaking to someone in Dublin who mentioned being in the office five days a week, which made me curious about how the policy works in practice across different locations.

- Is the full-time in-office requirement strictly enforced?
- Does it vary by office, business area or manager?
- Is there any flexibility in practice?

If you do respond, it would be helpful to know which office you’re in (e.g. London, Dublin, Bournemouth, Glasgow, etc.).

Just trying to understand the day-to-day reality versus the official policy before considering future opportunities.

Thanks in advance.

Hey all,

I was made redundant a couple of weeks ago and have since been offered another job, but it pays less than half of what I used to earn.

I’m worried that if I accept the role, recruiters might down value my earning potential.

Can prospective employers use the Verification Exchange by Equifax (or any other tool) to see my previous salaries and employment history? If so, how can I stop them from seeing the lower paid salary/role?

I am leaning towards accepting the role and continuing to apply for better suited jobs without mentioning the new role in my applications (unless I do the new role long term of course).

Thanks in advance.

Hey all,

I (29F, London) was made redundant/laid off at the start of this month from a client facing role at a very large bulge bracket bank. I have 7 years of banking experience and was operating at the VP level. My base was just under £90,000 and with my bonus, my total compensation went over £100k.

I’ve been applying for jobs since I got my notice of redundancy at the start of March. These have been at banks, fintechs, financial services firms and law firms. I have also applied for some public sector roles to be open minded and try something new.

I’ve been fortunate to get interviews at several different firms in financial services/banking. However I’ve also gotten a fair chunk of straight up rejections before interview.

After two interviews, I’ve been offered a job at a much smaller bank, the base salary is £45k and there’s no bonus. There’s a 15% non-contributory pension on top of the £45k base salary. The HR person who offered me the role informed me that the hiring manager had fought for me to get £45K because they value my experience and implied that for this particular role, people normally receive a lower base salary. It’s 4 days in the office for the first two months, after which it will be hybrid (2 days WFH). The people who interviewed me seem so lovely. The office is about an hour from me which is a reasonable commute for London. The interviewers said there is internal mobility and people do change roles. I’d be going from 29 to 25 days of annual leave too.

I’m not sure whether to accept this job. My expenses are low as I’m living with my family and I don’t have kids. I’ve asked for a few days to make a decision. I’m wondering whether to accept the role and continue looking for work. I’ve applied for over 100 jobs and whilst I’ve had several interviews, this is the first offer that I’ve received. I’ll feel so bad if I accept the role and then later turned the job down or quit soon after starting. But I know banks won’t hesitate to let an employee go if that suited them better. I’m also concerned that, if I do start the job, it would be difficult to continue applying for other roles and go for interviews, because the first two months I’m expected to be in the office 4 days a week.

I’ve got two first round interview interviews next week, one at another bank and another at a market intelligence firm. Both of these opportunities would be paying around about the salary that I received at my last bank.

I come from a low-income background and was the first in my family to go to university. I had to work very hard to get to where I was in my career and faced multiple barriers with regards to my health, finances growing up and I am a POC. Not having a job makes me feel uneasy as I don’t have generational wealth to fall back on. I also want to start dating this summer with long-term intentions and I worry about how being unemployed will look to men. I know a lot of people will say I’m still young but I do sometimes feel a slight pressure like I’m running of time to get to know someone and start a family.

I’m also worried that recruiters will now down value me if I accept the £45k role.

Should I take this role and treat it as a stop gap to my next opportunity, even though it would be more difficult to go for interviews whilst being in the office almost full time for the first two months? Or do I decline and wait for a better opportunity, even though I don’t know when or if it will come?

I’m scared of declining this role and not getting anything for ages and then regretting turning it down. I keep hearing about the UK youth unemployment crisis in the news.

I’d be grateful for anyone’s advice, thoughts or experiences that relate to this.

Hey all,

I (29F, London) was made redundant/laid off at the start of this month from a client facing role at a very large bulge bracket bank. I have 7 years of banking experience and was operating at the VP level. My base was just under £90,000 and with my bonus, my total compensation went over £100k.

I’ve been applying for jobs since I got my notice of redundancy at the start of March. These have been at banks, fintechs, financial services firms and law firms. I have also applied for some public sector roles to be open minded and try something new.

I’ve been fortunate to get interviews at several different firms in financial services/banking. However I’ve also gotten a fair chunk of straight up rejections before interview.

After two interviews, I’ve been offered a job at a much smaller bank, the base salary is £45k and there’s no bonus. There’s a 15% non-contributory pension on top of the £45k base salary. The HR person who offered me the role informed me that the hiring manager had fought for me to get £45K because they value my experience and implied that for this particular role, people normally receive a lower base salary. It’s 4 days in the office for the first two months, after which it will be hybrid (2 days WFH). The people who interviewed me seem so lovely. The office is about an hour from me which is a reasonable commute for London. The interviewers said there is internal mobility and people do change roles. I’d be going from 29 to 25 days of annual leave too.

I’m not sure whether to accept this job. My expenses are low as I’m living with my family and I don’t have kids. I’ve asked for a few days to make a decision. I’m wondering whether to accept the role and continue looking for work. I’ve applied for over 100 jobs and whilst I’ve had several interviews, this is the first offer that I’ve received. I’ll feel so bad if I accept the role and then later turned the job down or quit soon after starting. But I know banks won’t hesitate to let an employee go if that suited them better. I’m also concerned that, if I do start the job, it would be difficult to continue applying for other roles and go for interviews, because the first two months I’m expected to be in the office 4 days a week.

I’ve got two first round interview interviews next week, one at another bank and another at a market intelligence firm. Both of these opportunities would be paying around about the salary that I received at my last bank.

I come from a low-income background and was the first in my family to go to university. I had to work very hard to get to where I was in my career and faced multiple barriers with regards to my health, finances growing up and I am a POC. Not having a job makes me feel uneasy as I don’t have generational wealth to fall back on. I also want to start dating this summer with long-term intentions and I worry about how being unemployed will look to men. I know a lot of people will say I’m still young but I do sometimes feel a slight pressure like I’m running of time to get to know someone and start a family.

I’m also worried that recruiters will now down value me if I accept the £45k role.

Should I take this role and treat it as a stop gap to my next opportunity, even though it would be more difficult to go for interviews whilst being in the office almost full time for the first two months? Or do I decline and wait for a better opportunity, even though I don’t know when or if it will come?

I’m scared of declining this role and not getting anything for ages and then regretting turning it down. I keep hearing about the UK youth unemployment crisis in the news.

I’d be grateful for anyone’s advice, thoughts or experiences that relate to this.

LAPTOP QUESTIONNAIRE

Country

UK

Budget

500 GBP

Are you open to refurbs/used options?

No

Screen size

Any

Weight limit

Any

Purpose

Job applications and general

Form factor

Standard

Intended usage

MS office, browsers

Desired battery life

10

Please list, in order of most important to least important, the priority between Size, Weight, Performance, Battery life

Performance, battery life, size, weight

Info/Requirements

I’m looking for some advice to choose between these two laptops.

Lenovo Slim 3 15.3in R5 24GB 512GB Laptop
Lenovo Yoga Slim 7 14" Laptop - Intel® Core™ Ultra 5, 512 GB SSD

I’ll mainly be using it for tailoring my CV for jobs I apply for, writing cover letters, doing online recruitment tests, light browsing and the occasional Zoom call. I might watch Netflix here and there but nothing heavy. After I secure a job, I don’t think I’ll use the laptop very much at all because I use my phone for most things.

My main priorities are:

- Longevity (I want it to last as long as possible)
- No lagging
- Ease of use when applying for jobs
- Battery life

Both are very similarly priced at the moment, although the Yoga Slim is heavily discounted.

If there’s another laptop which I haven’t thought of then please let me know.

Any advice appreciated!