u/suspiciouscffee

I hate it. I hate everything about it. I hate the arcane ritual of trying to explain what I want. I hate how I can give specific instructions with photo reference and still get a buzzcut so short I might as well have done it myself at home. I hate being completely vulnerable, at someone else’s mercy to decide how I’m going to have to look and face the world for the next few months. I hate sitting still while someone holds and manipulates my head. I hate knowing right away they’ve gone too far and it’s not going to be what I want but it’s already too late to be stopped or fixed. I hate that I still have to smile and pay for it after because hey, they were friendly while they did it, or I know them and want to support them. I hate that I spend the next few weeks having to hear the exact same gawking from everyone I know, “Oh, you got a haircut! You got a haircut!” Even if they follow it up with “It looks good,” and even if I can believe they’re sincere, it always just sounds like playground bullying, like I’m 9 years old again and everyone’s pointing at me and teasing me for a shitty haircut. I want to crawl under a rock and never let anyone see me ever again. I want to shave it all off and stop worrying about it. I want it all lazer removed just so I can stop putting up with this recurring nightmare every several months. I want to commit some horrible crime just so I can get locked up and nobody ever comments on my hair ever again. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it.

Here’s the backstory:

A few months ago a friend I know irl got me to join a sort of cosplay group he put together. We’re pretty spread out across the US but have been planning to converge on a convention in my area. As we’ve been planning and I’ve been getting to know the gang, I’ve seperately gotten really close with one in particular. We haven’t defined our relationship officially, but with the convention just 2 weeks out now, it’s safe to say things will escalate when we finally meet up.

I’m a little surprised. Frankly I didn’t think I was cut out for an LDR, but my overnight work makes it near-impossible to meet people locally. The time difference for us is only 2 hours, but it makes a big difference as we talk daily at this point (mostly texting but calling pretty often too) when I get home and they’re waking up, and then when I wake up in the evening and they’ve come home at the end of their day. Yes it’s early, I’ve been through the honeymoon phase before in my past non-distance relationships, I know how it goes, but I’m happier than I’ve been in years. We call each other pet names (which started based on our cosplay characters), we share music playlists, and we’ve made our own plans to meet up the day before the convention for dinner before the rest of the group arrives the next day.

I know age gaps are touchy and I hope I’ve not raised any red flags. Obviously that’s something we’ll have to discuss and deal with. For what it’s worth, I did bring it up and ask if it was ok, and they called me “beekeeping age” (a reference I didn’t get right away but found out soon enough). We do compliment each other a lot but that reference is about as explicit as it’s gotten, and I’m not rushing to be intimate just because we’re meeting up. For now I’m happy just to see where this goes emotionally.

Anyway, I don’t really have specific questions for advice or anything, just wanted to open up. I’m really on cloud nine thinking about our upcoming meeting, I feel incredibly lucky. Thanks for reading and if anyone does have advice I’d be happy to hear it.

My newsroom is hemmoraging producers (among other positions) not to mention an EP spot that’s been unfilled since January. I know Sook’s delusional fantasy is that the merger will suddenly be approved any day now and magically solve all his problems, but that’s not happening. How long can a freeze realistically continue? I expect the courts to hold this up at least as long as the endless Mission-Direct dispute, but can he really hold out in his game of chicken that long? There won’t be a single functional newsroom left in the whole company this time next year.