u/suzieaphexlady

I have two sisters and I am the only “male” kid in my family. It kinda complicates things because now I’m probably gonna be guilt tripped into “not continuing my family’s name” which is stupid.

I just got home from a Christian event. It went exactly as I expected. I guess it wasn’t offensively terrible; really the most grating thing was just how boring it was. I can only take so much sitting and listening to meaningless god lectures before I want to start bashing my head on the wall. It’s either that or listening to worship-slop poppy four chord “music” (which my tinnitus is NOT a fan of).

In one of the talks, we had this activity about attempting to “speak in tongues”. The goal wasn’t to actually do it, but to “open our hearts to it”. Whatever that means. First she told us to close our eyes, and imagine jesus standing in front of us. Then she said to start worshipping him. Like straight up. “Just say whatever, it doesn’t need to make sense. Keep saying jesus and hallelujah and try to worship him as much as you can.” And she made us do this three times. Each time louder than the last. Of course I didn’t participate. But the funniest part is that the third time she said to “worship him”, she asked us to scream. And everybody in the room, with their eyes closed, hands raised, start yelling out random noises and words and “Jesus!” and “Hallelujah!” and “Thank you!”and it was just the most surreal, cultish thing ever. She was loudly strumming her guitar during this as well and I was just looking around with my eyes open, astonished at how crazy everyone looked and sounded. They really think they’re connected to something. Hilariously creepy.

I really do not get it. All this hatred. The millennia of oppression and violence caused by psychotic so-called “spiritual” warriors. The justification being that this is all what God wants. But what are they even fighting for? What do they actually want?

Heaven as a concept falls apart once you think about it for more than 10 seconds. A life with ZERO stakes, ZERO room for growth, ZERO tension + praising some deity who’d crush you in heartbeat if you were out of line? Forever? This is the perfect world that Christians want? This is “salvation” to them?

I can’t believe I have to live with the fact that my rights could be taken away simply because a group of people wants to sing and dance in the sky for the rest of eternity. The pitch isn’t even good or appealing in the slightest.

You NEED tension. Realizing that I was trans and accepting it was one of the best things to ever happen to me, because it gave me a reason to fight for myself. A perfect life is no life. You might as well be dead.